Take a Canary Islands Christmas vacation with your polar bear friend before he dies.

Say "no" to Winter blues, and "yes" to global warming. Polar bears are understandably suicidal these days. So take it upon yourself to go grab one and take him to this beautiful Spanish archipelago this holiday season. Build sand snowmen together. Play frisbee. Get drunk at outdoor pillow-strewn clubs. Who knows? He may rather die there in the dangerously hot weather then return to his dying home (thanks to Fintan O'Higgins of Dublin for the tip).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: INPES.

A French anti-smoking commercial that condenses the entire history of the universe into 90 depressing seconds. (link)

(nsfw) Moana Lisa.

(click image) The world will never know what her smile was hiding, but the people of Praga, Poland (update: a tipster says this is in Prague, not Praga as was noted at the source) now have been given a speculative glimpse of what her dress was hiding, thanks to this stark billboard. Advertiser unknown. I don't think it's related to the Pyrocool (fire extinguisher systems) sign above it (via). Previously in Mona Lisavertising: Arby's Mona Greasa. Rock's Aroma Festival: Mona installation made of 4,000 cups of coffee.

waxing pathetic.

(click ads, which have been cropped) This latest case of Photoshop animal abuse brought to you by Queen Bee Waxing of Culver City, California—porn capital of the world. So that explains the shaved cock. Not explained: How, after viewing that hideous hairless beaver, I'm supposed to replace my eager tongue, which has killed itself by ripping free from my mouth and sliding down my esophagus to burn to death in my stomach acid. Good Monday morning to y'all (images via). Previous waxing ads (yes, this is one of my regular beats): V is for Vagina Victory. Naughty Nads®—twat the hell? And SFW or NSFW?

So get up get, get get down...

The funniest fucking thing I've seen in a long while (via).

Link Haze, 12/04/09.

• Effective taxi topvertising.
• Spirit Airlines also Tigertising.
• Dockers: pants for a mangina.
• Word verification: Mortimer labium.
• Smiley emoticon invented by Nabokov?
• The Sun Maid Girl now The Sun Maid MILF.
• "Freshly shaved deli meats" look like...well.
• Too much semen in U of Michigan's plumbing.
• In NYC, a $2 cup of coffee is a recession special.
• Ad Creep update: Ketchup packet Landminevertising.
• Handballer Thierry Henry has the ball digitally removed from his hand.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Greenpeace.

Go see what a sad, remorseful Barack Obama might look like in 2020. (link)

Let the worldwide trend of terrible Tigertising begin!

(click image, via) You know these badly-conceived borrowed interest ads are just gonna come rolling in by the golf cart load. First up, a newspaper ad for a pizza joint in Brisbane, Australia. Too bad T, you were just Down Under a couple of weeks ago! Doubt if they have any of your specially formulated bug juice on the menu, though.

(click image, via via) Yesterday/today is the 25th anniversary of the Union Carbide Bhopal plant disaster. Sponsored by Energizer. Don't forget the batteries this holiday season Mom & Dad!

Smart NYC promo of the week.

(click image, via) J&R Music & Computer World is already running my favorite local commercial. Now, to promote their same day delivery service, their ad agency Toy created these faux Chinese menus that are being slipped under apartment doors and in mail slots. Yes, it's a bit of a risky move, as unwanted food menus are a source of gasket-blowing ire for many a New Yorker. But I'll bet the stunt will generate a sizable amount of addition sales for the retailer. Previous smart NYC promos: The Chocolate Bar cavity card. The Museum of Sex BJ balloon. Previous dumb NYC promos: The Ricola Mystery Cougher. The post-London terrorist attack Target bus.

Medium is the Message: gym ads made of modeling clay.

(click ads) "Shape your body" No, I don't know exactly where these posters were placed, but they're for the Forma Total Gym in Rio de Janeiro. The crude six-packs drawn here by the ad agency (artplan in Rio) art director will of course be replaced with Portuguese curse words and cruder penises (via). Go here for a complete roundup of gym ads I've posted over the years.

Women's Libation Movement.

(click ad) Questions: Is her bra currently smoldering in the ladies room trashcan? Is she also panty-less? Why is Mr Bad Haircut boring a hole into the side of the lush's head and not betwixt her now unencumbered breasts? Gloria Steinem could not have been pleased by this advert. But then, this was just part of Smirnoff's 1970s sexist strategy (via). Previously: MacGriffe perfume unliberates the liberated woman. Related 70s ad cleavage exposure: Tiparillo.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Science World.

You will never look at vanilla ice cream the same way again. (link)

Christmas domestic violence window displays via Germany.

(click image) 'Tis the season. According to the press note accompanying this adhesive foil window campaign by Ogilvy's Frankfurt office, 20% of women living in partnerships in German-speaking countries have been victims of domestic violence. That's depressing. Working on behalf of an intervention center in the city of Landau, the agency says they put up these fake beating scenes over the windows of several high visibility apartments with the translated message "looking away supports violence." Consider this the low-tech sister campaign to the "it happens when nobody is watching" eye-tracking bus poster that was erected in Berlin (via).
Previous stops on the worldwide domestic violence awareness ad tour: the UK (Keira Knightley gets the shit kicked out of her). Lisbon (fake blood soap dispensers). Lisbon again (screaming ad strips). China (fake bloody envelopes). China again (punchy door posters). New Mexico. Rhode Island. And NYC.

A special art appreciation with copyranter—Ketel One.

(click images) I'm resurrecting a dormant copyranter feature for a special ad-related art appreciation. My Ketel One ad posts, where I answered the vodka maker's stupid, badly punctuated letter ads with even stupider replies, became Internet famous, even getting a mention in a Washington Post article.
(L) "Untitled" from the series Guyton/Walker: Empire Strikes Back. Silkscreen and digital inkjet print on canvas. Sold at auction for $74,500. (R) "Untitled" by copyranter. Design® marker and artist's feces on magazine ad. Accepting bids. Thanks to JC at the New Shelton wet/dry for the tip.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Drug-Free America.

I think DFA may have finally done it: THIS spot will stop all teens from taking any drugs forever. (link)

Aim carefully, gents.

(click ad, via) Cheeky, refreshingly copy-free ad for carefertility.com, a chain of UK fertility clinics. I'm wondering about the media placement though. The private booths in adult book stores, perhaps? Definitely not NYC subway cars. Previous sperm donor poster: "America's finest part-time job." Previously in Sperm: Chinese Viagra ad with sperm ICBMs. Jontex condom umbrellas—it's raining semen. Olla condom ad features penal sperm.

Bouncing boobs used to promote an actual product benefit.

This sexy, sexist spot by Lowe Brazil is from 2003, but I hadn't seen it before and Russian ad site adme.ru just posted it a couple of days ago. It was advertising the Nissan Pathfinder's front independent suspension. After watching it, that feature is unforgettably burned into my memory. It also brings to mind this old Toyota spot. Previous bouncing boobies spot. Previous horrible Nissan ads.

copyranter's chemical romance.

Mikey Way (swoon!), bassist for Jersey City's My Chemical Romance, tweeted about my post on Manhattan's most disgusting gyro posters. Testosterone, pheromones, endorphins, etc. red-lining.

Copywriting done right.

(click ad) Since September, UK online electronics retailer Dixons has been placing long copy ads (this is the latest holiday version) outdoors and underground in the London tube system that've seriously irked Harrods (who threatened legal action) and other high-street retailers. You just don't see such advertising produced anymore. Kenny Cole? This is how to do retail copywriting, you hack. By M&C Saatchi, via. Previously in: (bad) copywriting.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: MTV Staying Alive.

For World AIDS Day, MTV is running this safe-sex spot featuring dicks bragging about the weapons between their legs. (link)

A most disturbing dishwasher ad.

(click ad) I've cropped off the copy portion of this 1966 Hotpoint dishwasher ad so that we can better focus on the disturbing photograph. So many questions. Is she loading or unloading? Did she also put the dishes away blindfolded? Why is the dishwasher so far from the kitchen? Are there sharp knives in that utensil basket? Why is she dressed so? Did this L.A. family wash its dishes with pool water? (via) Previous vintage ad puzzles: The Perma-lift Girdle Ad Riddle. Why is the Marlboro Man in Paris?

December 1, 2009.

(click ad) Today is World AIDS Day. Don't be like cock-hungry "Ken" here. Open your mouth before it's too late (via). Previous World AIDS Day ads: Sarah Silveman's Happy AIDS Day song for The Gap. And the faux Hitler faux sex tape.

1977—"The world's first gay doll for everyone."

(click ad, via) Just in case you're wondering about Gay Bob's "private parts," the answer is yes. The Don Draper doll would definitely be his twink bottom. Created by an ad exec, of course.

Shady sunblock ads via The Philippines.

(click ads, via) Extremely strange strategy employed by Coppertone to entice Filipinos to slather on their 45 sunblock and "emerge" from the shadows. I'm sure those in charge of Mr Cobain's estate (Courtney!) would be thrilled to see the dead grunge rocker's name being used, free-of-charge, to sell this Schering-Plough product (though, he was quite pale). The Clintons will probably just appreciate the attention. Surprisingly, these are not the strangest sunblock ads I've posted this year. That would be these insane ones, via France.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: The Discovery Channel.

See if you can figure out why these ads via The Netherlands say that women shouldn't watch the channel. (link)

Humongous Helping Human HandVertising of the 1950s.

(click ads, via) Even more disconcerting than that other 50s ad theme—Floating HeadVertising—was this Brobdingnagian hands art direction motif. (L) Douglas engineers, frustrated by power lost via airplane exhaust, enlarged themselves with an embiggening ray so that they could then give their DC-7s little pushes across America. (R) A 1,000-foot tall Union Carbide scientist, excited about new business opportunities in India, gave locals a little test tube taste of "things to come"—20,000 dead Indians. Related: 1981 World Trade Center ad—when life depends on it, you use asbestos.

It's OKKK to visit the US with the right travel guide.

(click ads, via) Deutschländers, if you've got the comprehensive German travel guide Stefan Loose in your pocket, there're be no need to converse with the American locals, including all of our annoying white-hooded folk (note the subtle US flag on the KKKer's robe). But then, if you happen to be a vacationing Nazi skinhead, you'd have so much to talk about! Mexican ad from the campaign included just to show the klassy kultural konsistency of the marketing effort by Berlin ad agency Scholz & Friends—who seem obsessed with the Klan as they've previously used KKK imagery to sell children's modeling clay. Previously in KKK-vertising: Klansman and black man relaxing in a Luxor hot tub.

Link Haze, 11/25/09.

• Hamster on a 4 train.
• Great billboard for oatmeal.
• "What is this, the Lockhorns?"
• Potential Darwin Award nominee.
• Lord Kitchener made of 16 meats.
• Serena Williams Twitter-pimpin' for Nabisco.
• Palin probably didn't know the mustachioed man on that Iraqi dinar.
• Back Monday.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: AIDS.

FUCK YOU AIDS! (link)

Presenting the absolute dorkiest kid to ever appear anywhere.

(click ad) I mean, look at that face. AND, he's eating the fucking sky-sicle™ mold, not a sky-sicle™ ice pop. I guess Evel wanted to make damn sure he wasn't out-cooled (image via).

Axe wearers: get ready for Winter Plunderland.

(click ads) In these latest fairytale executions (by BBH London) from the Axe Effect marketing malarkey machine, girlie-smelling young British mooks can look forward to a season of spontaneous snow shags as long as they have an Axe (called Lynx in the UK) "bullet" handy. I wonder, if sprayed directly on your penis, if Axe also prevents cold weather shrinkage (images via)? Previous Axe Effect ads: makes Hillary Clinton want to fuck Obama; makes Venus want to fuck Mars; makes lingerie model strip; makes a periodic table full of women want to fuck you.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Orangina.

Hetero men: here's 30 seconds of beautiful round female ass-shaking. (link)

Janie's Got A Gun...

...and a subhead written on her PJs (click ad). $6! But, "they shoot straight and kill." Looks like Janie already knows how to load it. Better let her test it out on her dolly first, though. (ad from a 1913 Saturday Evening Post, image via). Previously: the instant action Flame Gun.

(NSFW) PETA targets fur-wearing English schoolboys.

(click ad) Londoner Keeley Hazell, Sun Page 3 girl and muse for millions of UK masturbatory sessions, is the latest chesty D-lister to strip for PETA's anti-fur movement. "Be comfortable in your own skin"—easy for the booby bird to say (image via). Previous PETA SpokesChests: Pam Anderson. Jenna Jameson. Sherlyn Chopra. And Corey Feldman.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Panasonic nose hair trimmer.

These Indonesian billboards are disgusting, and potentially deadly. (link)

"Don Draper doll" just some generic pretty boy doll in an ill-fitting houndstooth suit and trilby hat.

(click image) This is just pathetic. To promote season 3 of Mad Men, New Zealand's Prime TV sent out these cheap, fey imitation Draper dolls to local media types. The url associated with campaign is howDonareyou. If your vibe is anything like this Ken-like pussy, not very. And to you hordes of lemmings obsessed with this boring-ass fucking show, go start your own sexist retro ad agency, or something. The first shop I worked for out of ad school made Sterling Cooper look like a local State Farm office (image via). Previous ad promo dolls: Mr Black Advertising Diversity Doll. And the size zero Cotton Inc. trade ad dolls.

The Schick Shaver: providing close shaves for crispy-faced men who just had a close shave.

(click ad, via) How's this for profiting from disaster? Ad is from 1937, mere months (weeks?) after the Hindenburg airship disaster. The copy: "Many of the passengers and crew of the ill-fated "Hindenburg" whose faces were burned were shaved with Schick Shavers during their stay in the hospital. So badly burned were they that there was a thick crust of tissue on their faces through which their beards grew. It was quite impossible to use a blade to shave them. But the Schick Shaver glided gently and painlessly over the injured skin, removing the hair at the scarred surface." Thank fucking God for that. I didn't think it would ever happen. But this 1981 World Trade Center asbestos advert has now been supplanted as copyranter's Worst Ad Ever.

Link Haze, 11/20/09.

• Coco channel.
• Anti-condo installation.
• Rubber fowl installation.
• The Indie Rock Coloring Book—how fucking twee.
• AT&T sics noted 3G expert Luke Wilson on Verizon.
• The Scrubbing Bubbles® are not so cute, innocent.
• Pics (above) from a Russian protest against campus sexual harassment.
• PETA sends our troops "Bin Laden bites" dairy-free (gack) chocolate bars.

Le Monde says Silvio Berlusconi sees world as one big boob.

Tagged "bring the world into focus," this goofy, cheaply-produced TV spot by Paris agency Publicis Conceil for the magazine of the French daily newspaper doesn't make them look especially worldly or focused. But, it's got a squeezy boob in it—much like the set of stress boobs sitting in front of me on my work desk right this very moment—and it childishly makes fun of W. Bush. So, I'm sure le Français will be chortling (via).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Plane Stupid.

Watch (digital) polar bears fall 30,000 feet to their bloody deaths. (link)

Frosted Flakes are Gr-r-reat—even for budding misguided little gheys.

(click ads) Empowering (or demeaning, my read is fuzzy) print ads for Kellogg's Frosted Flakes ("Sucrilhos" in Brazil) by Leo Burnett Brazil. Because, it IS important for ALL kids—even gay little tigers and ugly little tigresses—to be healthy. And what's healthier than a pint of sugar for breakfast? No matter, how inclusive and progressive of the 104-year-old company! (images via) Previous homophobic ads: Gay men are not VIP men. In Australia, men with design sense must be gay. Previous scary cereal ad: Trix are for (severely depressed) kids.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ivory 1930s.

It's the latest installment of Retro Racist Ad of the Week. Previously, Sanka made fun of evil, lazy, stupid Mexicans. Now, an Ivory ad that featured a black porter "as smooth as chocolate custard." (link)

Russian woman driving drunk with her eyes closed while precariously holding the silly dragon mascot of her China Town cocktail.

(click ad) Nothing to add here, it's all in the stupid headline (ad by Moscow agency Max Brandson, via). Related: a round-up of anti-drunk driving ambient ads inside public bathrooms. Related: Drunk-driving Lindsay Lohan mugshot. Related: the drunk googly-eyed VW Beetle.

(nsfw) UK men's masters tennis tournament promoted with old lady ass.

(click ad) Is that you, Virginia Wade? Ra-ther sexist print ad via online site InterCasino advertising the chance to win free tix to the AEGON Masters Tennis Tournament—a men's only affair—December 1-6 at London's Royal Albert Hall. Doing creaky Ben-Gay battle will be former greats Aussie Pat Cash, crazy Croatian Goran Ivanisevic, and Scud-serving Mark Phillippoussis, et al. This cheeky piece of gratuitous AssVertising I could have done without (agency Isobel, image via). Previously: 50-year old John McEnroe wants to stick his 50-foot arm up your ass.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: The Nobel Funk Off.

If you've ever wanted to see Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and the Dalai Lama jam as a funky jazz trio, well this is as close as you're gonna get. Al Gore on cowbell (kidding)! (link)

UK 1974—Scary Stork Spectre Helps Hawk Jimmy Hats.

(click ad) "120,000 unplanned babies are born in Britain every year...So when the stork arrives, make sure he's a welcome visitor." It's rare these days—and nonexistent in the US—that you see a condom ad that actually presents the main fucking selling point of the product. I've seen two recent instances: another stork-riffing Durex campaign via New Zealand, and a brilliant cost-saving prophylactic ad via India. Otherwise, it's all sleazy, specious enhance your pleasure bullshit (via).

Alfa Romeo gasses Mozart.

"Play With Gas." To promote its MiTo Turbo GPL, The Italian automaker, via Milan web agency Fabbrica Virali, enlisted the choir from La Schola Cantorum S. Maria degli Angeli to fuck with Mozart's Requiem (his last composition). Quite low brau, and not very well connected to the car, but still better than most of the shitty auto ads out there these days. Will it go "viral?" Well, it's got 30,000 views in five days, so not bad. Austria probably ain't too happy with the stunt (via). Previous stunt videos: Samsung. IBM. Microsoft. MTV. Diesel. Ray-Ban. Ray-Ban again.

China Ad Watch: Head & Shoulders.

(click ad) Viagra. Playboy. Durex lube. Absolut vodka. Guinness. The Volkswagen GTI. Even Ben Gay. Now that the People's Republic has fully embraced unbridled Capitalism, the Chinese people are joyously blowing their hard-earned Yuans on our non-essential immoral Western products. But Chinese advertising (click the above links for examples) just isn't quite there yet. However, this print execution for the dandruff shampoo, via Saatchi & Saatchi in Guangzhou, is not only comprehensible, but actually pretty funny. Scanned from a recent Archive.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Skin Cancer Action Week.

1,700 sunbathers (figuratively) killed last weekend on popular Aussie beach. (link)

Drew Barrymore turns herself on by reading The Week.

(click ad) Mark this one under "celeb endorsements that surprised the bejesus out of me." And not much of a money quote. That's the best Drew//the pub/the ad agency could come up with? Scanned from this week's The Week. It's celeb endorsement day here on copyranter.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Guinness China.

Per usual via the People's Republic, these print ads for the Irish stout are just fucking strange. (link)

Kevin Spacey says 'hurty'

The movie star channels his inner Ralph Wiggum in this new UK spot for the new digital version of the classic Olympus Pen camera. The nonsensical script is lame, and I don't get the weird woods morph effect. But I do admire the complete lack of facial retouching. Easy, if mildly embarrassing, £s for Spacey. Via London's Team Saatchi, via. Previous embarrassing overseas ad turns by mega stars: Jude Law. Quentin Tarantino. Jackie Chan. George Clooney.

Buygone Product of the Week: the "Oral Sex" Phone.

(click ad) Larry Flynt bought 10. "Superbly sculptured by a European artist, it's a masterpiece of lightweight, micro-processor technology." $69.95? That's a lot of fucking 1970s bucks. And the gold leaves are blocking my tongue. Sadly, the 800-number is no longer in service. I wanted one for the bedroom to complement my sexxxy Love Rug™ and new closet-full of "Me Jane" spread-leg clothes hangers (image via).

Link Haze, 11/13/09.

• The Decapitator hits NYC!
• Floating Windows XP error box.
• Neurosurgeon gets head transplant.
• Fred and Barney take a Winston break.
• A French McDonald's spot to jerk off to.
• NJ judge rules quadriplegic has right to bear arms.
• HOT 107.1, all Denver's hottest hits, played upside-down.
• NYC pay phones aren't used for calling so much anymore.
• Most cruises offer a mini-bar. We offer a mounted mini-gun.
• Blago's hair becomes visual shorthand for Illinois corruption.
• "I don't see anything in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants."

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Casa do Menor.

A fairly powerful spot about sexually-abused children. Depressing, I know. Sorry. (link)

Condomi unsells me on its fruit-flavored condoms.

(click ads) "Tastes like real fruit." I doubt it, but that's nice. A previous flavored prophylactic campaign from Germany featured hot models blowing tuttufrutti condom bubbles. Now, via ad agency DraftFCB Kobza in Vienna, we have dick chomping. Do you understand the draw of fruit-flavored condoms? If you are a female/male prostitute who sucks rubber-sheathed penes all day and night, then maybe you do (images via). Here's a previous ad for Condomi ultra thin condoms.

(kinda NSFW) Hot naked sweaty drippy sluicy Yoga.

(click ads) Nipple and Ass Crack (sorry)! Kinda creepy, artsy, melting skin ads by Leo Burnett Hong Kong for hot yoga classes at Life Yoga. Copy line: Sweat off your flab. That, and your head. And, where's the melting hot dude ad in the campaign (images via)? Previously in Yoga: what should NOT be on a McDonald's cup: a woman executing the Vrksasana pose. Jane Magazine calls her pose Downward Facing Slutdog.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Schweppes.

Rihanna-pummeling asshole Chris Brown is, unbeknownst to him, being used to sell the mixer to Israelis in a new campaign. (link)

Buygone Product of the Week: the "Me Jane" hanger.

(click ad) See Jane spread. Fuck yeah—"sexy clothes hangers for men" topped by a "black lace-trimmed leopard cloth bikini." $1! Metrosexuals? You can have your pussy padded hangers. I want a closet-full of these. No corresponding "Me Tarzan" hanger unfortch (image via). Previous sexy sexist buygone product: the Frederick's blow-up bra.

Hockey fans accosted at urinals by terrible play-by-play announcer.

Toronto sports radio station AM640 placed motion-sensor audio posters above some pissers inside the men's rooms at the Air Canada Centre, home of the awful Maple Leafs. The copy—"the crowd can't keep their eyes off his helmet"—is symbiotically awful. Why not install a few in the stalls, too? "He skates over the red line and dumps it in hard..." (via) Previous hockey ads: Samsung's fake curling rock goal. FedEx's pathetic sponsorship ad. Calgary Flames playoff ads come back to burn them. And Sean Avery dons a spiffy new sweater. Previously in: public bathroom advertising.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Diabetes.

November is American Diabetes Month—which means it's time to post an awareness video with a nsfw masturbation joke. (link)

China introduces the special edition VW GTI "PP"

(click ads) "It will go fast" is the translation on the copy line for these Volkswagen GTI ads by BIG advertising (that's the agency's name) in Beijing, China. Lost in translation, apparently, is how showing people who've pissed their pants will make someone want to buy the car. Are they using "go" as a double entendre (is it one in Chinese?)? Or are they saying that the speed of the GTI will make you pee yourself? If that's the case, shouldn't we instead be looking at individuals who've shit themselves (images via)? Previously in: PissVertising. Previous VW ads: good (1, 2, 3) bad (1, 2, 3).

(NSFW) This week in American Apparel ads: It's Nipples.

(click ads) Last month, it was Ass Crack. Before that, it was Nipples. And before that, Ass Crack. Detecting an artistic pattern here from the pants-optional CEO (Ads from [left] LA Weekly and Barcelona, via).

The Unparalleled Hyperbole of NYC Real Estate Advertising #3

(click image) You didn't honestly think something as inconsequential as a historically-depressed realty market would stay Gotham's property marketers from abusing their already dog-eared thesauri? You don't live here in youtopia, do you? All headlines clipped from real estate ads from either the New York Times or the New York Observer. To view my previous Kindergarten cut and paste hyperbolic hooey-board projects, go here and here.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: UK knife crime.

New awareness video by England's Home Office is depressing, but ineffective. (link)

Microsoft exploits Berlin Wall anniversary.

(click image) Microsoft in New Zealand, via agency Y&R, apparently recently mailed out some letters in fucking concrete envelopes (with an enclosed hammer) to software salespeople (I'm guessing just high-end accounts) touting Windows, and inviting them to enter a promotion to win a trip to Berlin. Well, at least the recipients got a free hammer out of it (via). Previous bad Microsoft advertising: Ungrammatical. Tragically ironic. Monstrously moronic. Mega misdirected. Patently unpatriotic. Boringly fake.

Noah's Gay Ark.

(click ad) Pope Ratzi does not approve. To promote its GLBT services, Aukland's cheeky St. Matthew in the City Anglican church (whose previous billboard mocked the Feeding the Multitude miracle), through their agency M&C Saatchi, got British illustrator Clifford Richards to edit/update his 1970 work "Noah's Ark." Note the two cocks, and the two snails (hermaphrodites) in the foreground. Now imagine this billboard being erected in Wichita Falls, Texas (image via).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Nespresso.

Watch George Clooney die and visit God (John Malkovich) in this new French TV spot. (link)

Fake stunt video of the week—Samsung.

Samsung, "official mobile device" of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympic Games, is looking for some "mobile explorers" to record "wow" moments at the event. Wow moments like this ridiculously fake one where a hockey player, frustrated by a hot goalie, steals a curling rock from nearby sweepers and blows it by the netminder high glove side (my hole of choice "back in the day"). It being approximately 40 pounds, the granite stone keeps going through the net, through the glass, and through the concession stand. I was mildly entertained (via). Previous fake stunt videos of the week.

When beer ads blew sunshine up your ass.

(click ad) Joseph Schlitz was a lying sack of shitz. This 1936 Schlitz ad joins its sunshiny sister ad in the Lies Well Disguised™ Hall of Fame. The copy is drunk with hyperbole: "That feeling of radiant health enjoyed on a breeze-swept deck—that sense of bracing invigoration and fresh vitality—are captured for you in each sparkling, foam-capped glass of Schlitz, the beer with Sunshine Vitamin D. (...) Beer is good for you—but Schlitz...is extra good for you." If you've ever tasted Schlitz, well then you know that that steering fluid-like can is the most accurate thing in the ad (image via). Previous vintage Schlitz ad: 1950s—"don't worry darling, you didn't burn the beer!"

Link Haze, 11/06/09.

• The Cow Head Diner.
• Pretend you're homeless.
• A wonderful rejection letter.
• Government option=Dachau.
• The worst acting gig imaginable.
• Place image in dictionary next to irony.
• Interview with a surviving Branch Davidian.
• Dodge Viper logo is Daffy Duck upside down.
• Call China for pennies, about a billion of them.
• What the hottest agency in the world looked like 17 years ago.
• 9 years and $2 billion later, the Yanks are finally top centaurs again.

Michael Jackson: a pigmentation timeline.

(click ad) Black & white (ha) Press ad for a "True Stories" documentary about MJ's final days airing on Prime TV in New Zealand. Let's hope the show is/was equally as informative and respectful (ad by Draft FCB Auckland, image via). Previous Michael Jackson ads: Joe Jackson the star of new Brazilian child abuse ad. Jacko makes an appearance in a Chinese skin whitening cream ad. And, two illicit Michael Jackson ads from 2008.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Secret.

The P&G brand wanted to attract more teens. So they shot a horribly cheesy, fake skateboarding scene with a girl in heels and a dress. (link)

This '2012' subway takeover would maybe not fly in NYC.

(click image) Pretty scary Ad Creepage currently up in Rio de Janeiro for the Mayan calendar Apocalypse flick, (I hope Woody Harrelson bites it hard) opening here in the States on Friday the 13th, of course. First off, when the Evil Doers next blow up and flood an underground tunnel somewhere in the world, my bet is, that 'somewhere' will be 'here.' Secondly, our tunnels already leak just fine, thx.
(image via) To view more frightening ad visuals, go here and here.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: School of Visual Arts.

One of my alma maters hops on the dangerously overcrowded Obama exploitation bandwagon. (link)

Gold's Gym in Costa Rica artistically mocks Fatties.

(click ads) As humans worldwide enter the Fat Season (Halloween—Valentine's Day), thoughts, if not actions, turn to Lean Cuisine and gym memberships. Here, in a campaign by ad agency Jotabequ in San Jose, your belts and buttons are yelling at you: "Ya es hora" (loosely: It's about time). Very nice artwork and label copy treatment; the ads will probably win many awards next year. Not sure how effective they are at motivating the sedentarily-inclined/reclined to get off their asses, but at least they don't sugarcoat the sell like many gym ads do (images via). Previous gym ads: Crunch. Crunch again. Equinox. Equinox again. David Barton. And Hernia or Orgasm?