Unfortunate Marketing Job Titles of the Near Future

VP of Wokeness, Head of Thought, Marketing Mahatma. What will your overly important title by in 2020? LINK—on Digiday.

How To Write A Great Ad Headline

There have been approximately zero great ad headlines so far in 2017.
Time to get service-y, LINK—on Digiday.

The Most Bizarre Trump Ads By Brands

The President has been used to sell a sex exposition in South Africa, a cola in Germany, and tea in India. See all the ads here—latest post on Digiday.

Enter The Nihilist Tagline Writer

Wherever hopelessness and meaninglessness exist, nihilism breeds. And these days, nearly nothing is as hopeless as the State of the Advertising Tagline. More nihilistic taglines here—new post on Digiday.

Storytelling vs. "Storytelling"

Despite what digital marketers tell you, storytelling and selling can commingle and even thrive together. See three classic storytelling ads that sold the shit out of the product—my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Why do Ad Agencies Suck at Advertising Themselves?

Would you hire a broke stock broker? How about a hacked hacker? Then why would you hire an ad agency that sucked at advertising itself? Latest post on Digiday—LINK, which includes four of the worst ad agency self-promo ads ever produced.

Deep Inside a Bleeding-Edge MarTech Meeting

If you understand what's being said here, you're a genius.
Post Link—on Digiday.

Finally, a Good 2017 Tagline.

Read about it here, latest post on Digiday—LINK.

What's New in Condom Advertising?

The latest condom ads, from all over the world--LINK.

The Death of Creative Departments is Near

Ad agency “Crowdsourcing” and “Collaboration” and “Co-Creation” are leading to mediocre ads, and the end of creative departments is near. Story link on Digiday.

Five New "Punchable" Ads

These aren't just bad ads, these are reprehensible ads that talk to you like they hate you. See the new punchable ads here—my latest post for Digiday.

Cannes Creativity Report: visuals beat words, every time

The best Lion winners this year all had one thing in common: great visual concepts. See them all here—LINK, latest Digiday post.

Let's Celebrate The Only 100% Honest Ad Awards Show Left.

Forget the fake real ads of Cannes and honor the real fake ads of the 2017 Chip Shop Awards. See some of the winners here—post on Digiday.

The Sad State of American TV Ad Copywriting.

Who's writing all this absolute garbage? LINK, on Digiday.

What's The Difference Between "Good Different" & "Bad Different" Ads?

The above new Argentinian campaign for Topline gum is "bad different". See more recent bad (and good) examples here—new post on Digiday.

Dead-vertising Lives!

Whole lotta people dead/dying in new 2017 ads.
See them all here—my weekly post for Digiday.

How to Write a 6-Second Ad.

YouTube wants six-second ads now, so I wrote some.
More here—LINK on Digiday.

Human Copywriters Are As Good As Dead.

And there's nothing you can do about, analog CW.
Post Link—on Digiday.

Worst ads of 2017 (so far)

Including ads by GrubHub, VW, and SmartWater—a campaign that, against all odds, gets stupider every year. LINK, on Digiday.

Best Ads of 2017 (so far)

This year's output—again—has been a big heap of dung. But if you dig, and dig, and dig, you'll find a few shiny beetles of imagination. These are those beetles—link on Digiday.

Maybe Advertising Can Solve All The World's Problems?

Pepsi just defused social unrest. Dove of course has already treated and cured all female insecurities. But there are still too many brands on the sidelines of "purpose" marketing. So I helped several of them out by making (very rough) concepts for them. See them all here—on Digiday.

Use This One Weird Trick to Become a Better Copywriter.

Wanna be able to write headlines as good as these? Good luck! See more of the great Fallon McElligott ads of the 1980s—90s here—LINK to my latest post on Digiday.

Deciphering Meaningless Marketing Headlines

I tried—and failed—to find meaning in 9 recent marketing headlines. Take a look here—my latest post for Digiday.

Why "Fearless Girl" is one of the best ad stunts in the last 10 years.

It's simple and it has "creative tension".
Read more on good vs. bad ad stunts here—copyranter on Digiday.

What If Trump Let Brands Use His Brand?

More bad Trump ads here—LINK on Digiday.

Does Facebook Advertising Even Work A Lick?

Shares and Likes ≠ sales spikes.
Read why here—on Digiday.

Fashion Advertising Is Out Of Ideas.

No fresh concepts. Zero originality.
Read why here—my latest post for Digiday.

We Are The New Diversified Ad Agency Of The Future!

We are Manifold Motley + Miscellaneous (our logo, above), and we foster unthinkable diversity! We have Blacks, women, Muslims, homeless refugees, centenarians, a stove-pipe sponge, and both serial and spree killers on staff! Read more about us on Digiday—LINK (this is "satire").

An Inquiry: Is This The Dumbest Commercial Ever Produced?

It might be.
Decided for yourself here, LINK on Digiday.

CREEPY BRAND MASCOTS REFUSE TO DIE

Why? Because brands/agencies are too lazy and scared to come up with an actual new campaign concept. Read more here in today's Digiday post—LINK.

The Lost Art of the Meaningless Tagline

Copywriters, these days, can't even write a decent meaningless tagline. Above are just two recent bad examples. Just Do It and Think Different were meaningless taglines, but they conquered the world for Nike and Apple. Read more in my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

2017: The Year of the "Creative".

Everybody's making ads now, so everybody's a "creative".
This is not a good development, unsurprisingly.
Read more about this trend here, my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

The Absolute Worst 10 Ads of 2016.

Including not one but two unoriginal, stupid "pregnant" man campaigns. Plus a dehumanizing, Dystopian subway station takeover by Facebook. The worst of the worst will not be a surprise to you. LINK—on Digiday.

The 6 Best Ads You Didn't See This Year.

There were ZERO (0) greats ads this year. I'm not kidding. But, here are 6 decent ones you might have missed, including the above graphically appealing campaign by Leo Burnett Dubai for McDonald's coffee. See the rest here—LINK.

Brands that use hashtags as taglines are fucking idiots.

"Search for better", Subway? I can find a better sandwich in any deli/prison.
Read about more stupid brand hashtag taglines on Digiday—LINK.

So You Wanna Be A Change Agent...

Above: you can tell he's a "change agent" because he anthropomorphized "Crocodiles"

If you're a change agent, wanna be a change agent, wanna know what the fuck a change agent is, or think all marketing people should just shut the Hell  up, you'll find this to be a snackable piece of engaging content—LINK on Digiday.

ON SHITTY COPYWRITING.

Seven recent examples, including this pathetic, pandering Häagen-Dazs NYC subway poster that reads like it was written by a 5th grader from Indiana. See all the shitty writing here—LINK on Digiday.

This Season's 5 Worst Christmas Commercials

 

They're all bad, but the Lexus spots are the absolute worst.

My latest post for Digiday—LINK.

I've Finally Found My Stock Photo Dæmon.

He's on Shutterstock, labeled: "Senior Man Using Laptop Computer At Rest In Park Outdoors". He is the perfect physical manifestation of my Inner Self. More about him (he's Russian) and more photos via my new post on Digiday—LINK.

What's the Difference Between a Smart Senseless Ad and a Stupid senseless Ad?

It's very subtle, but there is a difference.
Read about it in this post I wrote for Digiday—LINK.

It's Official: Everybody Hates Advertising Now.

It's not just the General Public and "Banksy". No, now even ad men and women, even creatives, hate it. Read why here, on Digiday.

What is a Copywriter, Exactly?

And what do they do? Well, I'll tell ya, exactly, what they are and what they do, right here, on Digiday—LINK.

The 5 Most God-Awful Taglines in America.

Pick your least favorite, here on Digiday.

We desperately need more "Advertising Assholes"

Wussies are killing ad creativity.
We need the ad "assholes" (like Lois) to rise up NOW.
Story by me on Digiday—LINK.

What Ad Agencies Will Look Like in 2025.

No creative departments, No account execs, no Big Ideas, but Sir Martin Sorrell, one way or another, will still be chairman of WPP. Read the story on Digiday—LINK.

Casual Sexism Alive & Well in Advertising

See all six casually-sexist ads here, on Digiday.

Seven Recent Ads That Don't Suck.

Check them out here—LINK on Digiday.

How to Beat Writer's Block.

This post is for all creatives, CWs, ADs, and designers—LINK.

True Confessions of an Analog Ad Man in a Digital World.

I am so, so very lost every day.
Post LINK, on Digiday.

How To #Win At Social Media.

Brands! You are #Losing!
Here's exactly what you have to do to starting #Winning!
LINK—copyranter on Digiday.