Sunday, February 21, 2016

Millennials Demand ALL Brands Take On Issues.

Gone are the days of simply selling the “benefits” of your product or service. Gone are the days of decades-long advertising campaigns hammering home the same successful selling message over and over. And (mostly) gone are the days of CMOs buying summer homes with agency kickbacks on these big media campaigns.

Say bye-bye, fuckers.

Today’s 18-34 year-old consumer demands not only quality products from marketers, but transparency and most of all, responsibility.

Right now, mook boy deodorant Lynx is taking on suicide; Coke is trying to stop cyberbulling; many brands are promoting gay and lesbian lifestyles, and of course Dove is taking advantage of women’s insecurities under the guise of “female empowerment.”

But as a whole, companies have been slow aligning their brands with causes. So let’s give them a kick in the ass.


Huggies (or Pampers or Luvs) is perfectly positioned to take on The Future. Are you going to argue against cute-ass babies, global warming deniers? Babies are Gen Next, and they’re going to shit bricks as they grow up and find out the condition we’ve left their planet in.


The Mondelēz cookie brand couldn’t be better designed or positioned to take on and help end racial tensions in the USA. And it’s already a horribly derogatory racist term used by both Caucasians and African Americans alike!

Taco Bell

Everybody’s afraid to take on Donald Trump on Immigration. The Bell needs to step up! Because let’s not forget their previous tagline: Make A Run For The Border! They’re probably already involved in illegal trafficking anyway.

This is an easy one for the Merisant artificial sweetener; it’s already a chick product.


Although the thought of chainsaws combined with domestic violence makes one queasy, women are the major purchase decision makers in most American households.

Jiffy Lube
This is a frggin’ layup for the Shell Oil owned chain. Also they should maybe encourage their hot mechanics to unbutton a couple more buttons on their overalls. Wouldn’t hurt business.


 I mean: their name means “war.” So just run with it man, especially now.


They own “white.” I say “Clorox,” a consumer is going to say “white.” Again, with the current racial climate in America, they should use their whiteness for good.


Go ahead and scoff, but if you know upper middle class Liberals as well as I do, then you know how much white wealth guilt they have running through them. A LOT. And they love symbolic gestures.


“Live Young” and the whole babies campaign is pure bullshit. They just need to come completely clean and I guarantee you Evian would rocket to #1 bottled water brand within weeks.


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