copyranter

Link Haze, 5/09/08.

2008-05-09T16:00:00.003-04:00

• This old A-Bomb brochure is just plain scary. (link)
• Tropic Thunder, starring Black Downing, Jr. (link)
• Two of the Sex And The City girls got to keep their clothes from the movie, two didn't. WAH! BOO-HOO! SEX AND THE CITY!!! (link)
• More band names from Google news: this week's fave—Reeling From A Drubbing. (link)
• Get set to see lots and lots of car ads this summer in movie theaters. (link)
• Here are the other two print ads from the naked Brazilian woman campaign for Cabana Caçhaca rum. (link)
• Unlike with this seamless lingerie print ad, there is no discernable reason why this Swedish woman has no nipples on her bare breasts. (link)
• HRC has already said that Barack Obama has weak support amongst white Americans. So just how low do you think John McCain will go? This low? (link)
• The stupid Mentos "Kiss Cam" has apparently been killed. (link)
• In June, MindShare New York is taking its employees on a ghastly field trip to Six Flags Great Adventure in lovely Jackson, NJ. Fun Fact: I worked games there one summer a long time ago. (link)
• These two Old Spice spots, hilarious. This one, blah. (link)
• Of all the bad derivative plays on Got Milk? I've seen, this is the worst. (link)
• Dabitch at adland made a birthday cake for Spam. Not that Spam. (link)
• Some religious-right loonies are protesting the Starbucks mermaid. (link) Their idiotic advertising, now there's something to protest about.
• A Georgia state senator wants to ban pot-flavored candy. (link)
• Don't make your drug deals on this Brooklyn payphone, it's tapped. How do I know? Because it says so! (link)
• That's a monster of a fib in monster.com's diversity ad. (link)
• This decrepit subway billboard is a piece of modern art. (link)
• A UK telemarketer gets the reaming of his life in this hilarious nsfw call. (link)
• Forgetting the snarkiness for a second, this story brought tears to my eyes on the subway this morning. (link)

I HATE HATE this Beetle ad.

2008-05-09T12:00:00.002-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
First off, I love the (old) Beetle. I drove a Beetle in college. It went 0-60 in never because it only went 55, and it took three minutes to accelerate to that door-shaking speed. But it never failed me. I'm not as crazy about the new Beetle, but a co-worker owns one and he says it's a fine car (it is ridiculously overpriced, though).
This Beetle ad via DDB Barcelona is a classroom example of tired borrowed interest. And it badly borrows from an already grossly abused iconic image. In the classic 1955 film noir Night of the Hunter, Robert Mitchum, playing one of foulest characters in movie history, had LOVE tattooed on one set of knuckles and HATE on the other. And for the next 10+ years, pretty much every faux badass teen in America replicated the tattoos with a black marker (Actually, it's still going on today, except the goofy goth teens have no idea where the idea came from.). Even my dad, who was/is a real badass, did it. Anyway, to wrap this meandering up: though I like the lack of a product shot, the ad's trying too hard to be cool. It fails. related: Peter Stormare stars in funny VW GTI spots.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: You'd think a "visual arts" school ad would be visually interesting.

2008-05-09T10:15:00.001-04:00

Today on Animal New York, check out the NYC School of Visual Arts (which I attended) latest subway ad. It's interactive! It's blinky! It's stinky! (link)

"I want you inside me..."

2008-05-08T13:30:00.005-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
Cheeky, rather alarming ad for the Substation sex shop in Geneva, Switzerland. "High performance lubricants" indeed. Note the gooey hand and buttocks region. Very nice art direction with the bedroom. update: as commenter mb points out, that's an Oscar Wilde portrait. (via) previous LUBE advertising: the Choo-Choo is stuck in the Poo-Poo; and Strawberry Bush and Raspberry Jam?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: new I LOVE NY ads.

2008-05-08T13:00:00.003-04:00

Today on Animal New York, go check out the new I (heart) NY print ads. They're examples of what happens when city and country wonks cram all their stupid thoughts into one sad ad. (link)

Manhattan's Most Disgusting Gyro Posters.

2008-05-08T09:15:00.001-04:00

(click pics to lose appetite)
Dog Shit topped with Pigeon Shit. I snapped these photos of the Greek fast food staple at small eating establishments throughout Manhattan. In a reversal of the usual menu photo vs. the real thing food dynamic, these poster gyros look exponentially worse than the real items, I'm sure. Not that I'm 100% sure—because I sure as shit ain't ever to sample one of these mystery meat things topped with Tzatziki sauce in my lifetime after seeing the "GYROS TODAY" poster, lower left. previously in disgusting food photos: farm animal necrophilia sells meat seasoning; The Spiderman 3 French cheeseburger; Concorde- & Porsche-shaped sashimi; Caroli brand processed meat looks like cadaver tissue; Hillshire Farm sausages look like worms. related: cool video of supermodels playing with fatty meats.

PURE HORSEHIT: Pillows so comfortable they instantly stopped this hot Indian couple from f*cking.

2008-05-07T15:00:00.003-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
Welcome to the return of a discontinued feature here on copyranter: Pure Horseshit. The above pic of fresh fragrant horse bonbons will be trotted out next to ads with claims that surpass the already high level of advertising truth-bendiness. Like the one for Mbellish pillows, above left. Puts you to sleep, instantly. Oh yeah? Are they filled with chloroform? And do they blow me first? "Mbellish" indeed. (ad via Saatchi & Saatchi, India)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amnesty International makes like Goofus.

2008-05-07T10:30:00.000-04:00

Today on Animal New York, I posted some posters by Amnesty International that feature evil despots with silly Photoshopped cross eyes. (link)

Benjamin Moore store mannequin a picture of apathy.

2008-05-07T09:30:00.004-04:00

(click image for closer look)
Display window in a Benjamin Moore, on Broadway @ 100th St. Note the headband, the numerous bangles, the Boylan's ginger ale, the men's shoes, and the air of artistic disdain. This display was put together with care.
previous NYC window displays: Otto Tootsi Plohound—these boots were made for gawking; Zamir Furs—Barbie® army; Weber's—the Great Wall of New York; Radio Shack—you must be at least this overjoyed to work in one of our shacks; Toys R Us—the closest I've ever come to firebombing a store.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Trouser Snakes On A Plane.

2008-05-06T12:15:00.000-04:00

Today on Animal New York, I posted about a strange new campaign for Virgin America airlines that practically begs passengers to fuck each other. (link)

XXX Movie Seeking A Band Of Horses In Brooklyn.

2008-05-06T08:45:00.002-04:00

(click pic to read)
Casting call flier hung near the Morgan stop of the L for "Niki Gets Lost In BushDick." The production is looking for a few fellas to make up what I imagine must be an indie rock band that poor lost Niki happens to stumble upon. Gang bang scene then ensues. Note the Length, Girth column. (thanks to Kaile Smith for the pic). previously in ad porn: amateur porn is born?; The VEXYs (Village Voice Sex Ad Awards); The PETA porn star ads; Let's write some new taglines for Jenna Jameson's Zombie Strippers; and the sexually graphic fake American Apparel ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Georgi's Assvertising.

2008-05-05T10:30:00.001-04:00

Today on Animal New York, Georgi vodka continues to use the boss's daughter's ass in its advertising. Classy! (link)

Economist dumbs down its advertising. Waaay down.

2008-05-05T10:00:00.005-04:00

(click ads for closer look)
Cloud-Cuckoo-Land?—Apparently tiring of its legacy as an extremely smart news magazine, The Economist has just launched a new print ad campaign that looks/reads like it's aimed at childish doofuses (doofi?) like me. So, this is maybe not a smart marketing move by a publication that's one of the few in the world that continues to show robust growth? The ads are certainly a clean break from what's considered by many to be the best magazine advertising campaign ever (here's 1, 2, 3 recent examples that aren't half as good as executions from the 1990s, which I'm too lazy to find online. images via.) previously in newspaper/magazine self-promo advertising: Spanish newspaper plays a fun game with 9/11; Deutsch—apparently not a bestiality magazine; Penthouse 1980 subscription ad targeted men with triangular-shaped penises; New York Times Select—take a trip down memory lane (a toll road).

Link Haze, 5/02/08.

2008-05-02T17:45:00.003-04:00

• Naked chicks on post-it notes. (link)
• Dickipedia. (link, thanks Kevin Erskine)
• Ironic Sans has created an iGoogle theme he calls Googlyi, as in googlyi eyes. It's fun. (link)
• SPAM emails are getting prettier. (link)
• This week in band names culled from Google news. Madam Suicide is good for an all-girl punk band. (link)
• Meet The Gayes. (link)
• Will-It-Blend? guy blends lollipop covered in back hair within a video selling an ice cream snack. (link)
• NYU philosophy student brings in a muffin with razor blades in it for his "absurdism" class project. Student in next class bits into it. (link)
• If you'd like to read a review of Grand Theft Auto IV that really gives you a feel for what it's like, don't read this one. (link)
• Remember the super-duper nitty-gritty Montana meth ads? Well, after much protesting, the rapey one's been pulled. (link)
• Advertising misleads consumers in every way possible. (link)
• When Wal-Mart advertises their pharmacy service to old black people, they of course choose a stock photo of a jazz musician. (link)
• Piranha jacket. (link)
• It's the launch of Cordarounds, the lightest corduroy pants in history. (link)
• Finally, there is a magical happy place in Manhattan where you can get an 8 oz. Coke...for a dime. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Belvedere Gets Blow Jobbier.

2008-05-02T14:15:00.000-04:00

For you naysayers out there who doubt that the latest Belvedere ad featured an implied BJ, take a look at this subway board. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: a bindi on Lady Liberty!

2008-05-02T11:45:00.001-04:00

Today on Animal NY, an Indian airline has defaced the Statue of Liberty in a billboard placed right outside Penn Station. EvilDoers! Go see if it offends you. (link)

Lohan mugshot used by pro-drinking and driving group.

2008-05-02T10:30:00.003-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
This is the top part of a full-page ad in today's USA Today from the American Beverage Institute warning us about evil "activists" who want to put ignition interlocks—aka in-car breathalyzers—in every car in America. In the ad's copy, they say it's a good idea for people like Drinky Lohan, but bad news for people like you and me who just want to enjoy a beer or two at the ballgame or a champagne or three at weddings. The Institute has created a Website, InterLockFacts.com, to present their pro-moderate drinking opinions. Me, I want to hear where Lindz standz on this important issue. Also, if she's gonna sue the wine-stained pants off of the ABI for this publicity stunt. update: And as Gawker points out, they spelled Lindsay's name wrong. previously in celebs in ads: Bobbie De Niro sez: get the FUCK out of my city; Gwynnie Paltrow is African; can't spell anthropomorphism without Mohr; and more GAP celeb pap.

ASS SOMEHOW SELLS RUM.

2008-05-01T14:00:00.007-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
At first glance, I thought 'woman in a tiny thong, that's pretty risqué for an ad in New York magazine. But upon closer examination...no thong! If you care, the product is Cabana Cachaça. Cachaça is an artisanal rum and the national spirit of Brazil, according to Wikipedia. Why a bare ass in a rum ad (other than the obvious stupid reason)? Well, the brand was started by a "socially prominent" New York investment banker—so, probably a douchebag misogynist. This marks the second ad this week with a waxed nether regions reference. But more importantly, we may have a new leader in the Worldwide Gratuitous Ad Ass category.

copyranter on ANIMAL NEW YORK: calling all women with PMS!

2008-05-01T11:00:00.000-04:00

Today on Animal New York, I posted an ad for Panadol PMS relief tablets. It was created by an all-male creative team. Female readers, please go give your opinion of the billboard (link).

"So, how can we brand child abuse?"

2008-05-01T09:30:00.002-04:00

(click ads for closer look at the branded oral and anal sex)
"I've got it! We literally brand boys with abuse!
Ads are for the Child Protection Foundation of Thailand, a country where the sexual abuse of minors is of course a major problem. The copy line "Remove is hard. Protect is easy." is clunky because these versions of the ads have been translated for publicity purposes.
So, shocking? certainly. Too skeevy? Maybe. Maybe not. Effective? Tough call. Sexualizing minors is a popular PSA trend these days. The powerful visuals certainly remain seared in your brain. But look at the actual branded images on the boys—something about them bothers me. A little too cartoonish, maybe? I think they need to look scarier (source). related: why is the girl in these public restroom drunk driving posters dressed so slutty?

copyranter on ANIMAL NEW YORK: MTA's strange, surrealistic subway ad.

2008-04-30T11:30:00.003-04:00

Riding the New York subway is life-affirming. Did I write life-affirming? I meant life-defeating. Much like the MTA's laughable attempts at connecting with riders through advertising. Feel the fake empathy of this artsy medical advisement poster (link).

ICONS≠IDEAS.

2008-04-30T09:30:00.005-04:00

(click ad for closer look)
Sure for a single ad, you make a memorable impression. But what's remembered? The brand? Or the icon? And what's the next ad in the campaign? While this Marilyn impersonator may have legs, the idea doesn't. And by using such an unoriginal visual, Leo Burnett Venezuela, you run the great risk of producing a wholly unoriginal ad. Also: what the hell's up with that Marilyn model? Is that the best MM drag queen (I'm assuming, look at the face/feet.) you could find? Sad. previously in Gas: a beano® jingle I once wrote; proof that your girlfriend plays the gluteal tuba; introducing fart-proof underpants; and Dill's digestive pill ads pretty, disgusting.
update: here's the poll where you can vote your opinion on the ad.

Jesus Christ, don't let Corcoran see this.

2008-04-29T14:00:00.005-04:00

(click image for closer look)
In an ode to bass player needed/lost puppy fliers everywhere, a Copenhagen realtor has hung oversized handbills complete with oversized tear-off phone numbers on two of their properties (this is a translated Photoshopped version). Here in downtown Manhattan, Corcoran has already hung three-story babies and four-story divorced men, so I'm sure this innovative ad eyesore would be of great interest to them. And just imagine the NYC horror scene: Desperate Gothamists atop ladders punching and kicking the shit out of each other to tear off one of the prize tabs to bring to the agent to prove how much he/she deserves that bargain $3,000/month 1-bedroom more than the other hospitalized renters. (via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NEW YORK: Belvedere's Blow Job Ad.

2008-04-29T12:00:00.002-04:00

Today on Animal New York, take a looksy at the latest ad in Belvedere's pathetic "Luxury Reborn" campaign (link). It's about as artistic as the blow job scene in Brown Bunny. Wonder if that's Vincent Gallo's crotch in the ad?

(nsfw) "Brazilian" Travel Site Offers Great Deals On Safaris To The Bush.

2008-04-29T10:30:00.003-04:00

(click ads for closer look)
Maybe Brazilians need a vacation from the same old landing strips night-in and night-out? Well, FlyTour can send them away to France in search of hidden treasure. I'd group these with the rest of the gratuitous T&A ads I've found, but seriously what else would you expect from a Brazilian travel business? Even US airlines don't miss opportunities to make pussy jokes in their Brazilian ads. (campaign via Leo Burnett Brazil)