MY FIRST EVER (AND PROBABLY LAST EVER) CELEBRITY AD

Time Out New York’s Publisher comes to the agency to see ideas for outdoor ads promoting the magazine’s 10th birthday. And…I showed this ad. While it wasn’t one of the ones picked, I’m fairly confident it’ll find it’s way onto a wall in their offices. I so wanted to see it in Times Square, 100 ft. by 200 ft. would have been nice.

THE REAL WORLD, MADISON AVE.

Jaguar. Victoria’s Secret. Häagen Dazs. These were the juicy tasty campaigns I worked on way back when at the School of Visual Arts. First day at my first ad agency, I’m peeing my pants in anticipation of my First Ever Real Ad. Creative director walks in and hands me an assignment for a...Urine Analysis Machine.

An ad I did that insulted the NYC mob.

WHEN BFI DECIDED to try to break up the mob trash cartel in NYC, They came to our agency to handle the advertising. Despite the fact that our office is right on the border of Little Italy, we took the business. This was the first ad in the campaign. Shortly thereafter, it was reprinted in a Fortune article about the NYC garbage biz.
The mob’s response (allegedly)? Apparently lacking connections at Belmont, the HEAD OF A DOG was left on the Brooklyn stoop of a BFI executive.
(GULP)
(click ad for better look).

OPERATION THESAURUS

MORE FUN PRODUCT NAMING: Mac has its OS X Felines (Tiger, Panther, etc.). The Pentagon has its Blades. In Iraq, Operation Scimitar began last week. Scimitar©! Fancy! It’s the 4th in the Summer 2005 Anti-Insurgency Series™, Spear©, Dagger©, and Sword© being its predecessors. One would think “Saber” would have been a more consistent choice. Army brass must be expecting BIG numbers out of…SCIMITAR!

Guys, here’s some names for future offensives, no charge:
• Harpoon (Persian Gulf-ish)
• Excalibur (joint thrust, with the British forces)
• Switchblade (surprise attack)
• Plastic Knife (nobody gets hurt)

RANDOM IDEA #1

VIAGRA/LEVITRA/CIALIS TAGLINE:

We Make It Easy
To Get Hard.

STUPID EXAMPLE #2

THE SCENE: President’s office at a small bank.
THE ASSIGNMENT: Print Ad for a new high rate CD
THE AD'S HEADLINE:

If You Ever Wanted
To Rob A Bank
Here's Your Chance.

THE PROBLEM: Said bank had been robbed three times in the last month.

TIME GRAFFITI BILLBOARD

SO TIME has finished their graffiti-art ad on Houston St. right in my fucking billboard encrusted neighborhood. They’ve also offered up some possible Art School names for their project. Here’s my five minutes worth of Butt-head® Art School names for it:
ART DRECKO
DuhDuh
Post Bowel Movement
Neo Shitism
The New Bad

BEANO JINGLE

An Ex once challenged me to write a jingle for beano anti-gas tablets in an hour. This was the result. Sung to "Mickey" by Toni Basil. She (not Basil) broke up with me soon after I left this message on her phone. Yes, I sang it.

Oh Beano, you en-zyme
you’re so fine for my behind
Hey Beano! (clap clap, clap clap)
Hey Beano! (clap clap, clap clap)
(repeat)
Soy, Broccoli, Chili, Pasta, Bagels and Oat Bran
Chew 2 pills with gassy foods and put away that fan!
It’s wise to use Beano
Oh what you do Beano, chew Beano
You stop the FARTS, Beano.