copyranter shutting off til January 5th.

No spewing of raw word sewage (update: or ad shit-talk, if you prefer) here or on Animal New York or Coilhouse again til the week after New Year's. Happy whateverthefuck to everybody. Also, when I come back, I'll be posting more daily on copyranter.

Link Haze, 12/19/08.

• YumChum Ass, only 9.99. (link)
• lighter vs. blender. (link)
• More of Diesel's "Dark" print ads for Spring. At least they're better than Pete The Meat Puppet. (link)
• Houston Street, Christmas 1964. (link)
• Direct from the set of a women in prison porn shoot. (link)
• X-Mas eCard from a talented friend. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: ebay exploits shoe thrower.

This has made my holiday season. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: let's take a trip to the ad zoo.

More Photoshop animal abuse, via the United Arab Emirates. (link)

the geometry of a labia surgery advert.

(click ad for closer look)
Her arms are making a triangle. Her legs are making a triangle. And her body is making a triangle. Subtle. (scanned from amNY)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Tis the season...

...for oh-so-forced Holiday ad executions. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Stereo Hell's new project.

Done with the fake American Apparel ad campaign for now, design collective Stereo Hell has a new muse: the Wall Street Meltdown. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: UHU Super Glue.

Five-second TV spots. The future? (link)

Today, in questionably-named products.

(via)

more X-mas music merriment.

DCThrowback called me an "unhappy mfer" on my first Christmas music post. In his honor, here's a three-song soundtrack from my iPod to drink yourself into a holidaze hole.
• Jay Farrar, from the great Uncle Tupelo, takes you a "long way from happiness in a three-hour away town..." It's got lots of Jesus in it. (play)
• You could pick any one of 50 Tom Waits songs to kill yourself by. This one makes my eyes well up every single time. (play)
• Townes Van Zandt is (was) the best country songwriter since Hank Williams (yes yes, Cash), and his end was just as tragic, and it happened on the same day of the year. (play)

Link Haze, 12/12/08.

• This is...highly illogical. (link)
• chair bear. (link)
• Kit Kat bench. (link)
• Santa shitter. (link)
• Ever wish you were an Oscar Meyer Wienermobile driver? (link)
• Speaking about his new, lame Lick-Her ad campaign, Remy Martin's brand manager calls his product's core target "polychromes." (link)
• Saddam sign hung to sell spicy wings. (link)
• WK hits Miami. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: That's a big-ass ring.

A ritzy jeweler replaced his head with a $200,000 ring in his NYC phone kiosk ad layout so's it would be big enough for passersby to ogle. (link)

some of my very favorite Christmas songs.

On my subway ride home tonight, my shuffling iPod happened to play a few tunes that really put me in a merry chestnut-roasting mood.
• This one really captures the spirit of the holidays in NYC.
• Jesus. Stars. Swaggart. This is my favorite X-mas hymn.
• And this mclusky ditty reminds us all that this is the month to be selfless.

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Diesel.

Meet "Pete The Meat Puppet." Is he quirky? Or just stupid? (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update—your crotch.

Ladies, where's the last place you'd want to see an ad for feminine soap? (link)

this is how to use sex to sell liquor.

(click image for closer look)
As opposed to this fucking hackneyed tripe. It's a train station board for Fernet Branca, an Italian bitter spirit I wouldn't drink if you paid me to. But still. By O&M in Copenhagen, via.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Monroe College.

One thing one does not ever want to see while avoiding eye contact with fellow passengers on NYC's warm, friendly subway trains is a murder scene depiction. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Advertising Creep Update

The Swiss government thought a good way to get fat kids to lose weight would be to shove their fatness in their fat faces at the playground with special fat kid swings. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: WWF.

The World Wildlife Fund sez: consume roasted babies. (link)

It's Beginning To Taste A Lot Like X-Mas.

Found in your local Target.
Not pictured: felching sprinkles.
Happy Monday!
(via)

"Put your hand down, Tzipi Livni."

(click to read. via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Maker's Mark

The Kentucky hooch recently plastered Grand Central Station with a NYC-themed campaign. A pathetic NYC-themed campaign. (link)

copyranter on COILHOUSE: queer-travel.de

Mount Rushmore is turned into Mount Assmore. It is quite a sight. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Fake AA Ad Artist Becomes Real AA Ad Artist.

What took American Apparel so long? AA finally contacted the Stereo Hellers and worked out an agreement to place an ad on the back of November's Vice magazine featuring a selection of the artist's virtual mock-AA posters. (link)

Peta coffins.

(click coffin to read)
This one reads: Dead Meat Should Be Buried, Not Eaten. Which is funny because of course eventually the meat of your dead body inside your overpriced, eco-friendly casket will be eaten. Pick out your fave here.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Morgan Stanley.

Investment banks can't advertise to save their lives (or invest to save their lives!). The venerable Morgan Stanley's latest adverts appear to have been created by a young, stupid child. (link)

the gift of peace

(click image for closer look)
Featured item from Barney's "Have A Hippie Holiday" catalog: the Crockett & Jones velvet slipper with gold peace sign crest, $440. The trampled daisy is a nice ironic touch.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone Tiparillo ads.

Take a sexist trip back to the sexy 70s, where three nearly topless women are offered Tiparillos to suck on. (link)

Buygone home products: what could go wrong?

(click ads for closer look)
L—It's the instant action Flame Gun. "Clear stairs (except wood), walks, driveways of snow, ice." Note that the ad also encouraged you to use the product in the Summer on "weeds." (image via)
R—It's the "Homko" push-button remote control lawnmower...the "Mow-Bot." Note the shadowy character holding the signs "Now!" and "The Robot." (image via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Tits Trumpet Typing Tutorial.

It's ACSII tits, but still. The product is typing tutorial software "for men." Whatever the hell that means. (link)