Tuesday, September 13, 2005

THE WAY $TARBUCK$ $EE$ IT


$tarbuck$
new cutie cuppie quotes are intended to spark "conversation in the tradition of coffee houses everywhere." Oh yeah? How bout getting all over that wonderful coffeehouse tradition of not charging Government contractor prices for a cup of brewed coffee beans and water? In fact, The Way I See It $tarbuck$, this marketing chicanery (or chicupery, I guess) must be a prelude to you raising your prices to the Verbosely-Grande level. It's also a hackneyed idea stolen from The Meaning Of Life scene where the American couple are given conversation cards so that they have something to talk about over dinner:

Mrs. Hendy: Do all philosophers have an S in them?
Mr. Hendy: Yeah I think most of them do.
Mrs. Hendy: Oh... Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?
Mr. Hendy: Yeah... Right, she could be... she sings about the Meaning of Life.

And why is "Moby" (born Dick Hall) one of the quoted "personalities?" Somebody please explain the supposed Moby—Talent connection to me? Please?

McSweeneys has of course already posted some funny "rejected submissions."

6 Comments:

Blogger Stroll said...

Doesn't Moby have his *own* coffee shop? Wouldn't he be the competition then...?

4:32 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

I believe there are at least 5 Mobys in NYC. I've seem him 2 or 3 times in one day before. So this is probably one of the rogue Mobys working with $tarbuck$.

5:24 PM  
Blogger beerzie boy said...

Yes, but did you know that "Moby" is Monte Hall's nephew? Door number one, Door number two, or Door number threee?

4:45 PM  
Blogger mmm...that's delicious said...

I live in Seattle (unfortunately) and I see these cups littering the streets. Annoying.

Maybe that's just because I'm regretting -more and more each day- the decision I made to move here.

as for Moby. I don't think I've ever heard, seen, had the patience for anything he's ever done...

5:17 PM  
Blogger Tipsy McStagger said...

The one that David Cross wrote was actually funny.

The Way I See It: No. 23
Chances are you are scared of fictions.
Chances are you are only fleetingly happy.
Chances are you know much less than you think you do.
Chances are you feel a little guilty.
Chances are you want people to lie to you.
Perhaps the answer lies on the side of a coffee cup.
You are lost.

— David Cross, Comedian


I started reading it, and I was wondering why Starbucks would let someone parody their own stupid coffee cup quotes, within one of the stupid coffee cup quotes - then I saw who wrote it. It still doesn't answer my question, but it made the whole experience a little less painful. Because I was, after all, reading the stupid thing.

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fun fact: you can buy starbucks food items and other neat things on ebay for big markups. usually sold by former or current employees.

fun fact b: starbucks has other employees whos job is solely to buy these things on ebay and trace the return address, to see if it was sold by a current employee.

-anonymous barista (hey, i cant say im not afraid)

6:27 PM  

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