Wednesday, January 14, 2015

12 Advertising Headlines That Mean Absolutely Fucking Nothing.

(via some mall in Atlanta)

Shakespeare once described advertising (or maybe it was Life) as "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Today, of course, most advertising means little or nothing. But some of it means more nothing than the rest. Here is some of that—a collection I've been compiling for awhile.

(snapped on the Upper West Side)

Well, that's...right? Better than "like smegma".
(I do like the product shot art direction of Stoli's new campaign, very Commie.)

(on an A train)

Forget the "CARPE P.M." groaner pun, focus on the sign-off line. "Most Refreshing"? That doesn't mean "tastiest". What does it mean? The most water? Now add in "The Night's" and the line actually becomes less than meaningless.

(in Times Square)

Latin-based puns are hot now.
If this was an ad for the NSA, it would make sense. But it isn't.

(near Columbus Circle)

Ready for what—besides taking my money? To be robbed? And who's "New York"? Anyway: who had the better beard? Wells? or Fargo?

How about that for a USP? Coffee you can actually drink. Donuts you can actually eat. VISIBLE WORDS YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE.

The meaningless of this line is headache-inducing, much like cable company customer service. The four words add up to nothing to the power of infinity, xfinity.

(via Australia)

Ad bursting with bullshit.
I see only "OH!" on the bottle. Maybe 'YEAH!" is listed in the ingredients.

(on an A train)

It's in "quotes" I guess to emphasis the spoken-ness. How bout "English"? Is that "spoken" there, stupid New Jersey school of "higher" "learning"?

The shit-beer's all-encompassing, utterly meaningless tagline for a couple years now.
• Friend just got eaten by a bear? PERFECT.
• Sharted? PERFECT.
•Beer-tasting contest? PERFECT.

Not only means nothing, but is about the laziest piece of copywriting I've ever seen. What do I win? Are you giving away a free beer to everybody who sees this ad? Find yourself a new agency, Corona. (Ad is by Cramer-Krasselt.)

(in Penn Station)

Another literal headache-inducer.


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