Link Haze, 11/21/08.

• Tipper Flintlock (right), NRA spokes-drawing. (link)
• The future of newspapers? Furniture. (link)
• Spermula. (link)
• Cooling tower advertising via South Africa. (Mr. Burns voice) "Excellent." (link)
• "Feminine" ad talks smack to your heavy flow. (link)
• Scared of Santa book. I had this idea years ago. (link)
• Is this the dumbest political analysis of 2008? (link)
• Lastly, Animal New York has exclusive pics and a video of the elusive NYC subway ad remixer Poster Boy in action. (link)
• update: Ashleeeee Simpson and Pete Wentz, sorta bisexual and shitty bassist, have named their newborn son...Bronx.

On vacation next week.

We're heading to the Arizona desert to hold our own Burning Man enlightenment event. Except ours will be about a foot high. Back Monday, December 1st.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: B of A brings the disingenuousness.

Using the tried and true fake testimonial strategy, Bank of America, headquartered in North Carolina, makes an especially lame attempt to show NYers that they get us. (link)

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Russian Bear vodka.

Take a look at this smart "don't drink and drive" poster that was put up in bar restrooms in Cape Town. It could of been smarter! (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Pfeel-good Pfizer video.

(sniffle) It's the tear-jerkiest, heartstring-tuggiest video of the year—from the largest, richest pharmaceutical company in the whole damn world. (link)

ha, sequel.

(click image)
Kate Moss announced today she will be starring in the long-awaited sequel, The Hand Returns. (Previous ha. Again via the essential PsD.)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Cheetah killed by Vespa.

Oh look—a cheetah in an ad to illustrate speed. How fucking groundbreaking of you, BBDO New Zealand. (link)

"I, Want To Hang Out With A&E Execs All Night, And Nap Every Day."

"Media Mogul" (per MediaWeek) Gene Simmons cheerfully parties with A&E's beaming Mel Berning and Bob DeBitetto during MW's Media All-Stars event at the Waldorf=Astoria November 12th. Rock, and Motherfuckin' Roll...

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Italian rape helpline poster uses crucifixion symbolism.

And Milanese (male, of course) politicians are predictably getting huffing and puffing on their Pontius Pilate pulpits. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: AboveTheInfluence.com

NOTE: AnimalNewYork is back up and running full-time.
If you were the White House, and you wanted to educate youngsters about the harmfulness of drugs, you would use teenagers dressed as slugs and bugs, of course. (link)

Link Haze, 11/14/08.

• A Motorcycle cozy. (link)
• How does a professional flier distributor advertise? By distributing fliers—with Malcolm X on them. (link)
• This week, Madonna said Alex Rodriguez has "the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body." Here's one of A-Rod's imagined works. (link)
• Sloggi picks the world's best booty. It belongs to a Brazilian. (link)
• Wipe your butt with Alec Baldwin's face. (link)
• Trendy 42 Below vodka puts a bunch of blow-up sex dolls on beach blankets and calls it commerce. (link)
• Finger forks. (link)
• A Vice writer visiting the NYC Museum of Natural History was miffed that an Arab town model exhibit features a man on a flying carpet. (link)
• The Reverse Cowgirl has an animated American Apparel ad up on her site that features a model flashing a boob. Crazy uninhibited Reverse Cowgirl. (link)

copyranter on COILHOUSE: It's a visual wrong-off!

I picked two recent print ads with Just Plain Wrong visuals. Go vote which one is wronger! (link)

And Now He's Dead: "The Thug"

Since the 1960s, Silhouette SP-83A—unofficially known as The Thug—has been the only target employed for all NYPD cops sharpening their revolver skills on the shooting range. But the PC police are finally changing that. The two new targets are apparently a Mr. Clean lookalike and a faceless mummy-like creature. This is law enforcement progress, people. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Suan Yai Medical Center condom ads.

You've heard of the trouser snake, of course. But what about the panty tarantula? (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amy Winehouse reincarnated as a sheep.

Paris Hilton as a Rhino. Why? I don't know. (link)

Habs fan in NYC.

For the couple of you who are NHL fans, I'm 20 posts into my blog following the Montreal Canadiens centennial season; a season in which they are of course destined for bitter failure. Besides good/bad ads, ice hockey is the only other thing I can write about with pretend authority. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Miller Lite's yellow snow ad.

Animal New York is back up and running full-time (update: not quite, keep trying.)! Here's a very funny video for the watered-down beer-like beverage. Problem is, it literally reinforces the piss-poor taste of the product. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone ad—Heinz condensed soups.

This 1950s ad included the copy line: "Most husbands, nowadays, have stopped beating their wives..." (link)

More Opportunities For Savvy ex-iBankers.

(click ads to read copy)
Word on the street is that even untouchable Goldman Sachs is cutting its workforce 10%; all the big investment banks are as good as dead. To help, I've dug up some more choice money-making options for these poor folks (top to bottom): breed squabs; turn potatoes into potato chips into cash; sell metallized baby shoes; licorice—put all your money in it; and ice cream-filled bananas. (Previously, all images via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Brazilian Playboy poster.

This Playboy point-of-purchase poster is hot—hot enough to burn down the newsstand. (link)

copyranter on COILHOUSE: Tampon fax for you...

Stayfree faxed single sheet ads for its ultra-thin napkin to businesswomen. What a pleasant workday intrusion. (link)

ha.

(click image for closer look)
via Photoshop Disasters.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: how bout some racist eye care ads?

via Brazil. (link)

How Barack Obama won.

He used Ericksonian hypnosis, don't cha' know. Seriously, all the close-minded, war-mongering, racist, frightened little people in this country can suck the ass of last night's Motherfucking Mandate.

America's new Big Cheese.

Slice of Always Save® brand imitation pasteurized processed cheese food with liquid photo sensitive emulsion processed in a darkroom with traditional black and white photography chemicals. (by Esteban Pulido, via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Selling Weed(s).

Two promo ideas for the Showtime series Weeds are given a quick review. The result: I'm fucking hungry. (link)

(click ad for closer look)
Either or, I will be drinking tonight. Not Budweiser.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: the stupidest commercial ever?

Via Paris's Fred & Farid, their latest effort to destroy Wrangler. (link)

There are no free rides.

New York City escort service uses Metrocard template to make business cards. They get dropped on buses and subway trains. More effective than a multi-million dollar, multimedia ad campaign. (via newyorkshitty)