What In The Hell Has Happened To Beer Advertising?
Long gone are the days of the great "Tastes Great/Less Filling" Miller Lite TV commercials.
Long gone are the days of the very good Bud Light "Real Men of Genius/Real American Heroes" radio spots. (It didn't work as well on TV.)
And, long gone are the days of the fucking brilliant Errol Morris-directed "High Life" Miller TV ads. Watch three of them below. And watch 78 of them here.
So: Whadda we got now?
We got campaign after campaign inartfully, unsubtly, desperately sucking off Gen Y. If you are a Y, you should be guffawing derisively at your computer/TV screen at the sloppy blowjobs being performed on you by beer brands. But then, what do I know? Maybe your generation likes sloppy bad blowjobs.
Bad Blowjob #1: Heineken.
Heineken continues to try to position itself as the official beer of "Adventure". The commercials, created by Wieden & Kennedy offices worldwide, are beautifully produced. Beautifully produced bullshit. The product is usually slipped in awkwardly, like with this 2:00 Dutch spot, the latest in their current "Man Of The World" campaign. Their "Man" is a dandy dancing whiskery hipster (sorry, but the word fits here) with perfect timing, cuteness, and charm. All of the hot women instantly cream over him. He is the Ultimate Millennial Hero. He is the most hateable brand mascot since Mr. Opportunity.
You could call him the '2nd most interesting man in the world", since the campaign's 2012 start post-dates Dos Equis's "Most Interesting Man In The World", and W&K obviously "borrowed" the idea to create this super man. It is the most flaccid soft sell from the beer category that I can recall. I purposely never order Heineken because of this pandering campaign.
Bad Blowjob #2: Miller High Life.
The copywriter, art director, and director on these new-ish #IamRich spots should all be fucking ashamed of themselves. Meet "Rich". That's his name, you see, because he's not rich. (Though if that's his NYC apartment, he's far from fucking middle class.) Rich is yet another Bearded Millennial Hero. The ads pour irony into a skillet mold, let it harden, and then cave in your head with it. Here's a 2nd spot—note all of Rich's male buds have facial hair. Actual maybe quote from Miller's marketing director: "I WANT THE COOLEST COLLECTION OF BEARDS EVER ASSEMBLED IN AN AD."
Just absolutely awful advertising. Agency: Leo Burnett.
NOTE: I will not stop drinking Miller High Life because it is my favorite cheap beer.
My copy: "Get back in there pussy and pester that taller-than-you obvious model with the non-model rack. Fortune comes to those who FORCE THEMSELVES on women. (He comes back out, alone, five hours later and power barfs on the sidewalk.)
My copy:" What are you doing? Did you see that rack? Guzzle this, turn around, and go back in there and FORCE YOURSELF on her. Then, five hours from now, come out, alone, and power-barf on the sidewalk. I'll still be here, with another Miller Fortune and a bottle of Scope."
I'm thinking, maybe? the problem here with these bad beer ads is that Millennials, the new "creative class", are the ones creating them. And, they—somehow—think they're good? Discuss.