According to Advertising, the 1950s woman wanted to fuck her appliances.
It was the salad baby-booming post-WWII days of this great country, when men were men and women were wives. Obedient wives. Obedient wives with sparkling dishware, spotless clothing that smelt of the ocean, perfectly organized spice racks, and tightly sealed leftovers. Obedient wives who put on their shiniest pair of fuck-me pumps and orgasmed whenever a new appliance arrived (but not in bed, unless it was a new bed with Tide®-fresh sheets).
The Advertising Creative Revolution of the 1960s swept aside this obscene objectophilia. But it created another one, for men, involving cars (future post). There's always another one. Today it's gadgets, right moronic Apple fanboys?
To the appliance porn.
Click images to enlarge.
Two ads from 1953. Be-pumped left lady is rubbing herself against a vibrating Thor. Right lady is reluctant to leave the laundry room after the thrilling performance she just experienced.
There were two ways to satisfy a "seven-year itch" in the 50s.
The Marilyn way and the Maytag way.
Both blew plenty of hot air up your skirt.
L—Have hot identical twins in fuck-me pumps ever stared at you like that?
R—"So long and thick and smooth. You can agitate my dirty panties anytime, Maytag."
OK, let's move on to sizzling steamy ovens.
Sure, Dad and Daughter are excited about the new range. But not nearly as hot and bothered as Wifey. She instantly feels an electric connection like she's never felt with her dorky husband.
Lady (again wearing fucking pumps) can't even stay in the kitchen with her Tappan range and it's hot pieces of meat, all she can do is look on with sex face. R—LOVE BEAUTIFUL ME, LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL RANGE.
Refrigerators. What drew the 1950s woman to their cold, cold hearts? Well, the International Harvester (L) was "femineered!"—which was enough for ladies to sit on their cold kitchen floors, dresses splayed wide open, picking the color of their future lovers. Speaking of lovers, As commanded, second lady has fallen in love with her big inanimate pink object.
L—Heaven, I'm in Appliance Heaven...
Apparently starting around 1954, housewives all across America got together, covertly, at regional all-night appliance sex cult gatherings in warehouses. (Think: Eyes Wide Shut). They'd don evening gowns and long white gloves and chant Latin while making the above secret "half box" sign (representing half of an appliance). Then, the orgies commenced.