Starbucks Ads Target "Complete Moron" Demographic.

SOMETIMES

THE BEST WAY

TO CONNECT

IS TO GET TOGETHER.

This is the no-duh sign-off line of new commercials via the $15 billion chain. These ads are what's called a "soft sell", as opposed to your local screaming car dealership commercials, which are "hard sell". Starbucks is soft-selling "getting together". Then, their logo oh-so-very-subtly suggests "getting together" at one of their impersonal cookie cutter building holes, as opposed to a billion other better places, including caves, highway rest stops, or if you need a cup of coffee (for free), "connect" at an AA meeting or the aforementioned local car dealership (just look at a couple of cars, grab some coffee, sit down, start connecting, and ignore the salesman, he won't kick you out).

The creative linchpin of the ads is this: show text conversations with v/o of the texters holding the same conversation in person, which shows HOW MUCH BETTER it is to communicate face-to-face. Well fuck me in the ass and call it Christmas, THANK YOU, Starbucks.

To the spots.

"Apology"

BOYFRIEND: "I know that look...I should get you some flowers, or something..."

Who wrote this dogshit (apparently Dana Stalker, senior copywriter, BBDO NYC)? Great conversation! Great connection! The scenario perpetuates the infuriating stereotype of coy women making stupid men guess whether they're mad at them, and if so, what they're mad at them about. Fucking wonderful.
I could write three (3) better "apology" ads right the fuck now, in the next hour (No, I'm not doing it, I don't work for fucking free).
This spot makes me want to go to—not Starbucks—but a shitty bar and drink several shots of whiskey—which Starbucks might soon offer.

Wait. Maybe this campaign is smarter than I think?

"Date"

Another fucking cliched boilerplate conversation, this time between goofy girlfriends: 

What was he like?!?
You like him!!!!!
No I don't!!!!
Yes you do!!!!
Shut -up!!!!
No you shut-up!!!!

__________

But then, the spots do feature "text messaging", so maybe you Millennials are enthralled to watch "text messages" that you yourself haven't written. The drama. And heck, AdWeek, the world's leading ad critique website, according to themselves, called the ads "clever".

I can't believe this is the best BBDO could come up with. Just, sad. They used to be a pretty good agency, for a fucking behemoth. What the hell happened, David Lubars?