Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Anthropomorphism, to the power of Retarded.

(lots of scare quotes in this post, for obvious damn good reasons)
New York is "the grand dojo of hanging out," says new NYC water "Fred." According to Fred's myspace page, "He's" a 28-year-old male Aquarius who'd like to meet "people that are cool." He has 117 "friends." "Anna" is bummed because she's not in Fred's Top 8, even though she "suck(s) on him all day long." Fred costs 36 bucks a case. But, if you want Fred delivered outside of the NYC area, the douchecap charges 25 dollars shipping per case.
Tip from Kelly, at The Unbearable Heaviness of Being. [link.]
previously in Anthropomorphism:
1. Worst. Anthropomorphism. Ever.
2. Anthropomorphism with Jay Mohr.
3. Again, I'm yelling at a bottle of cognac.


Blogger billygomberg said...

gross. I've wondered what the story was on this "water in a flask" that I've seen around the city. turns out it is every ounce as stupid as I thought. fucking myspace.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The background on Fred's MySpace is a picture of a turkey. Telling.

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kill yourself Fred!

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fred's brother is a douche.

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"All around, every day Fred. You just can't get enough of Fred medium. He's easy to hold and loves on contact. Fred medium is the ultimate friend with benefits. 24 per case."--from Fred's website
Medium Fred suffers from middle-child symndrome.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came across this douche in gourmet garage where he was handing out free Fred. I politely asked him, what's the big deal about water from Saratoga and he was like...the unique shape of this bottle makes it easy to carry in your pocket. I'd buy that rationale for a bottle of whiskey, not water.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Charlie is so not Fred.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not drinking Fred without at least dinner and a movie first.

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'd love to get a transcript of the focus group that tested that one. Oh wait....

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Kelly for the clever and helpful advice

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kelly is obviously the true brand to watch.

6:41 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Please do not post links to other sites here unless it has something to do with the post's subject. I will delete all of them.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

looks like a new mouthwash bottle for blowjobs in the toilets.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Copyranter is the biggest douche of all. Suck it CR!

5:38 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

OK. sucking it...

5:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone here have an original thought of their own, or do you just spend your time busting on people who do?

10:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what an insulated weak afraid dumb group of people - good luck being you in life

2:14 AM  

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