Monday, October 08, 2007

I get emails sometimes...

Not surprisingly, I get a bit of hate email. Sometimes, I post it when it hits some truths.
My latest crush is one Wallace P. Lipschitz. I unfortunately lost his first email, but "he" told me I'm not much of a writer (true) and that I have a half-finished novel in my desk (not true. see first statement.). Wallace is apparently connected to the ad biz because he drops names like Neil French and such in his missives.
His last correspondence, which was in response to me dedicating this post to him, got a belly laugh out of me—so I'm posting it below. It's pretty funny.
This is GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!! Except maybe that day I went to the massage parlor in Chinatown and I finally got touched down there by somebody other than Father O'Malley!!!!!! I'm floating around the BLOG-O-SHPERE!!!! WHEE!!!!!! This is WAY better than riding on SIR Richard Branson's SPACE PLANE while simultaneously getting a prostate exam from Xena the Princess Warrior, AND reading Action Comics #1, PLUS getting an A++++++++ WOULD DO BUSINESS AGAIN rating on ebay for one of my tea cozies!!!
I wish I could show my mother that I am in the BLOG-O-SHPERE, but she is getting kind of dried out and brittle, so I don't want to carry her downstairs. Last time I tried to move her, her jaw fell off!!! I don't want that to happen to any other body parts!!!! And I don't have along enough cable to carry my computer monitor up to the third floor!!!!! I guess I'll just have to show Mr. Snuggles once he comes back from prowling the neighborhood. And then I will be all like, "LOOK MR. SNUGGLES!!!!!!! I GOT A SHOUT OUT FROM MY BFF MR. COPYRANTER!!!!! I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF HE CAME OVER AND WE WATCHED CLASSIC EPISODES OF DR. WHO TOGETHER!!!! I WOULD LET HIM USE THE RECLINER AND FETCH HIM A FRESCA!!!!!!!! I HOPE HE WOULDN'T HATE MY LACY CURTAINS AND FLORAL SOFA COVERS!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD SERVE PRINGLES!!!!! NOBODY HATES PRINGLES!!!!!!!! NOT EVEN COPYRANTER!!!! ONCE YOU POP YOU CAN'T STOP!!!! THEY'RE LIKE CRYSTAL METH THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I will tell mother about it just as soon as I am done saying the rosary tonight. She is a saint. My Dad was a Jew, that's why he's in hell right now.
Your BFF!!!
Wallace P. Lipschitz
(image is the first result in "BFF" Google image search)
previously in readers
1. Someone Talked! Round 1.
2. Comment Moderation Panel.
3. Google Image Search: "commenter."
4. Pretty soon, all my posts will be reader tips.


Blogger G. Genova said...

well, lipschitz has your pringles number, anyways.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know only one ad person who incessently quotes that Neil French Dinosaur/Scammer. I wonder if it's him.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Moda di Magno said...

Stay unlisted 'Ranter. Yipes.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WPL is just trying way too hard.

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pay the webmongs no heed, old boy. We are, as ever, loving your work.

@Mr Lipshitz - I think you'll find that it's written "tea cosy". You would know that if you had any quality.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Non Smoking Smoker said...

Bloke's a cunt.

4:03 PM  

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