Sunday, November 11, 2007

I read Penis Enlargement Spam Emails so you don't have to.

Time again to file a report on the mad copywriting skills of spammers. Last time, I was duly impressed with the awkward but powerful tagline for the Penis Patch™. However, the Shakespearean scribe selling the ManSter herbal penis enlargement supplement puts the Penis Patch pitchers to shame. What imagination! What flair! Just take a look at these sample email subject lines found in my Spam box:
Have you ever felt a kiss of a womb?
Positive changes in your sexual life are not a chimera.
Kiss of a womb! Chimera!! Brilliant!!!
And then there was this ode from the bawdy bard writing e-missives for the supplement MegaDik:
Now that you've met a lass that's hot
You wanna screw her moistened twat.
She's full of passion, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will long for more?
You need a wang she would adore!
But how to get it long and thick?
Your only chance is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your shaft will stuff her box so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!
Robert Frost reincarnated?
previously in The Penis:
1. copyranter mans a glory hole.
2. NYU condom instructions booth.
3. VIVA VIAGRA! It's the Whiskey Dicks!
4. NYC graffiti I understand: the penis fart.
5. Strawberry Bush & Raspberry Jam AquaGlide.


Blogger RFB said...

Your shaft will stuff her box so deep...

This writer shows promise. I would read a whole volume of penis poetry by him/her.

OK, maybe not, but at least it makes spam better.

7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Robert Frost? More like E.E. Cummings.

1:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let’s play with this one. (Ouch.)

Spam dicku:

screw passion nice thick
a wang to adore craving
her box deeply stuffed

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are two spam mails that i get regularly (serious):

"every time my boyfriend does me, his cock keeps falling out"

(which sounds more like a problem with HER)

"Now you can can sex up to 10 times a day"

(i'm not even sure if that's healthy... with or without the crystal meth)

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Enlarge Penis said...

That is the FUNNIEST I have ever seen!! I needed a good laugh. Your blog popped up in “spam comment” google search –blogging on this topic this week. Thank you for sharing this! awesome still laughing I am visiting your blog frequently when I need to relax from unpleasant news, rejected grants etc.That’s certainly better than anything I ever received.

9:02 AM  

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