Tuesday, July 24, 2007

...because eating PB&J sandwiches does nothing to lessen the anger?

The National Peanut Board recently launched a new print campaign touting the nutritional advantages of the friendly, lovable peanut...protein-provider, energy-booster, etc. The executions are currently all over New York subway cars. They're all mildly cute-ish and inoffensive—except this one, which strays from the physical benefits of the nut to a nutty mental one.
This 'sandwich as shrink' message might play OK out in the hinterlands, farmboys, but not in fucking New York fucking City. Why pay a therapist, Mr Green Jeans? Let me tell you why, hayseed: because this Big Evil Fucking City finds its way into every crevice of your fucking brain, knocking on every fucking door—including that of your "inner child"—and if you don't answer, it either seeps through the cracks or it just breaks the fucking door down, giving you panic attacks, or Bipolar Disorder or maybe Schizophrenia. And to deal with this, you want me to eat a fucking sandwich? Yeah a PB&L(ithium) sandwich, maybe.
Also, I just gotta say, the sandwich here is very unappetizing-looking (click it).
previously in food:
1. McDonald's complete bullshit nutrition ad.
2. Supermodels for Trans Fat.
3. America will not "Feel Like Chicken Tonight."
4. The Spider-Man Three™ Cheeseburger.
5. BAN EVERYTHING!!!

5 Comments:

Blogger David said...

A City can make you bi-polar, schizophrenic? Give you panic attacks?

Besides the whole crime, pollution, muggy, sweltering summers, frigid winters, poverty (in the face of exorbitant wealth), dirt, proliferation of "fuck you" New Yorker-ready-to-fight-for-looking-at-him-wrong guys, Yankee pitchers flying prop jets into buildings, Terrorists flying big jets into buildings, insane pricing of drinks, meals, and real estate, tourists, competition for jobs, women, and man's own innate propensity to compare him/herself to others in terms of wealth and status, how could a city do that to someone?

I thought Giuliani "cleaned it all up," or whatever, so I was supposed to vote him in '08.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Moda di Magno said...

Looks like bacon & Cheez Whiz on my monitor. Gross either way.

Giuliani? NYC does make you crazy!

12:02 AM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Maybe it's time to relocate to some happy place in the South or perhaps Arizona? ;-)

8:17 AM  
Blogger Tracer Bullet said...

I've actually been pretty well-treated whenever I had to visit NYC. Were it not for Giants fans I'd have nothing bad to say about the city, but, clearly you muthafuckas are too uptight.

11:01 PM  
Blogger Novelist Anon said...

That copy would RULE if the "t-h-e" was just removed from "therapist."

4:16 PM  

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