Link Haze, 8/22/08.

• Perfectly targeted DQ messaging. (link)
• The Drunken Stepfather takes a frank and measured look at Paris Hilton's hair extensions. (link)
• Judging by the Ukrainian army's recruitment TV spot, it'll take Russia about three hours to complete an invasion. (link)
• But not if the Ukraine had Rambo on their side. Unfortunately, Sly just signed a million dollar deal to endorse Russian vodka Synergy. (link)
• Louisville's "move here" TV spots don't work because sarcastic desperation is still desperation. (link)
• Jesus is come: and he's hawking Chryslers, Fords, and Mercurys. (link)
• OB/GYN Leon Nitkin should probably reconsider using his pic in his ad. (link)
• copyranter, joining two of his heroes Tom Waits and Nietzsche, is quoted in a New Shelton Wet/Dry post headline. (link)
• Lorillard CEO dismisses claims menthol cig ads target African-Americans. The advertising—and his own statistics—say otherwise. (link)
• The Happy Hipster Hooker is a myth. (link)
• Lastly, a head of lettuce eats a cheeseburger. Why/what/who? I don't care. (link)