Friday, July 07, 2006

"Oh my! Look at the size of him! You'll be needing at least a triplex darling...

NYC Real Estate Dominatrix Barbara Corcoran knows a big thing when she see it. Apple. Suri. Shilough. I think Corcoran is paying Boerum Hill's walking baby billboard Michelle Williams and hubbie Heath Ledger to walk that kid 18 hours a day in rotating neighborhoods. And newborns mean abandoning 1BRs for 2BRs, duplexes, and townhouses. Somewhere in Manhattan right this very second, another wall is being knocked down and a hundred more women of means are being knocked the fuck up. Keep popping those fertility pills, 30-something New York women. Barbara will find you the space, bet your first born on it.
(on lafayette, between prince & spring)

1. The Unparalleled Hyperbole of NYC Real Estate Advertising.
2. CLEARLY defining your target audience.


Blogger bowling with no panties said...

That Barbara Corcoran is an evil genius!

What better way to secure future clients than to trip-wire the biological clocks of all girls who ever dreamed her Baby Alive was really really alive!

She sat around her conference table, pinky crooked like Dr. Evil against the corner of her lip and hissed, 'Yesssss, I have it. Let's put an enormous curly locked cherub clad in nothing but a nappy smiling adorably while sitting on a luxe rug in a 'west elm' decorated living room. Uteruses all over New York City will clench like a fist reminding each single woman of a certain age that SHE does NOT have a nicely appointed apartment OR a baby to dress up one day like Hickey Freeman (see copyranter 04/05/06)! They'll all be ankles up and calling for a broker in a matter of months!"

Then she cackled the evil mastermind cackle laugh.

8:56 AM  
Blogger EVIL DISCUSSOR said...

Heath Ledger + Michelle Williams = Boerum Hill.

Jennifer Connelly + Paul Bettany + John Turturro + Paul Auster + Cate Blanchett = Park Slope.

9:58 AM  
Blogger EVIL DISCUSSOR said...

Come on, sweet Ranter.

Know thy Brooklyn celeb nabe. Is that too much to ask?

10:02 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

thanks. I'll change it.

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As Fat Bastard once said about babies, "Get in me belly."

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That’s a big fucking kid.

10:21 AM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

baby's first corcoran. (do you know what kind of asshole this kid is going to be what with his cartier and corcoran? god help us.)

10:39 AM  

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