Monday, June 12, 2006

The Unparalleled Hyperbole of NYC Real Estate Advertising.

(all headlines culled from the Sunday New York Times real estate section)
Ian Schager? I invite you to elegantly and effortlessly Kiss My Fucking Ass. All these pearls of prose are from ads selling empty rooms. NYC real estate developers and agents, there's a special room waiting for all of you at the end of your days—a windowless, underground "studio" with neither a doorman nor A/C. It does have a wooden floor though. And wooden walls and a wooden ceiling.
previously:
CLEARLY defining your target audience.

15 Comments:

Blogger bowling with no panties said...

All you need to live in Euphoria is to be on street drugs. Perhaps they're handing out street drugs with their overpriced undersized prison cells with exposed brick (i.e. UNFINISHED WALL) and lots of natural light (from the FUCKING AIRSHAFT).

8:38 AM  
Blogger concha said...

wow. so morbid this morning.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wondering...as part of your job, have you written any such real estate ad recently??

11:53 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

no. real estate ads are done in-house 99% of the time.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

In every dream home, a heartache...

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're so right. Fuck 'em.

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You ever also notice that there are only white people in those real-estate ads? You see that ad on the side of the Plaza? If not, I'll paint a picture: mom, daughter, cable knit sweaters, pastels, the weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal.

Barf.

11:14 PM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

"Never again." because I'd like to describe my apartment with words usually reserved for the Holocaust.

1:24 AM  
Blogger thatgirlinnewyork said...

I had reserved my need to vomit on the real estate section for that series of Corcoran ads, until I discovered the ones for hedge fund vertical ghetto, Ariel, a.k.a. "The Adventures of the Dunns & The Silvers at Ariel"...now the UWS parries with the East for their fair share of assholes. Bravo.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess that's why I like living the life in the woods in middle of America, lots of space and trees. Except for the politics and the red state bullshit of it all,I like it, but I have to be careful of whom (who?) I engage in engage meaningful converstion. Thank heavens for the internet.
Can't remember my passowrd, so here I am as anonymous
everythingannoysme

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Since you claim to make a "ridiculous" amount of money, does that also mean you're living this particular dream? Or do you have three roommates, share one bathroom and wax poetic about not succumbing to the capitalist bullshit of your peers? Just curious.

1:50 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

I make a ridiculous amount considering what I do for a living. It's not that much in NYC terms. I rent and live alone.

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Jumper Bailey said...

A condo building near where I live has a huge sign that says:

LIVE TO BE SERVED

I was going to take a picture and send it to CR, but I see that he's beaten me to the punch.

(Fashionably having it all as I realize my dream life somewhere west of Euphoria but slightly south of that couture place where condo dwellers live to be served...)

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Beat Rag said...

I love how any new building now has to be called "luxury". Since when is a converted industrial warehouse next to a junk yard in brooklyn considered luxury?!? Standards have fallen here in NYC. I rather not pay $1.5 million for a standard 2 bedroom apartment overlooking concrete and dirty building.

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stopr your bitching... you woosy. And the hellish room for real estate looks a lot like the one reserved for advertising assholes who make thier living contriving clever ways to sell people useless shit.

2:51 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home