Thursday, July 06, 2006

On $200 Sterling Silver Baby Rattles.

(pictured: The Cartier Baby Panther Motif Rattle)
Ah yes. I remember my first Cartier. Gleefully rattling it as I lay in my redwood crib wrapped in the hide of a recently euthanized Panda staring up at my shimmering gold ingot mobile. What's this? Mum has come to nourish me with the breast milk of 100% additive-free virgins. Afterwards it's nap time, which means Yo-Yo Ma himself yet again gently easing me to sleep with an original ballad written just for baby copyranter. My dreams? They consist of slowly torturing all the persons responsible for any baby rattles costing over five dollars.
Defective Tiffany Teething Rattle Suit Settled.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cartier? My baby wouldn't be caught dead playing with that crap. Sterling silver?? What, no gold, no diamonds. No thank you! I just spent $17,000 on a pacifier ( and this $200 Cartier crap just won't cut it! Step it up!!

11:42 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

WAH! COPYRANTER WANT HIS $17,000 BINKY!!! (for the record, that pacifier is "not recommended for actual use.")

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, you come up with this stuff like "breast milk of 100% additive free virgins" at 8:40 in the morning!?! Bravo, I says!

No , I don't care whether virgins can produce breast milk or not.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My fav part of this entire elitist piece of shite is the line, "Baby's First Cartier." Because you just KNOW this is only the first in a lifetime of useless pieces of metal being gifted to Baby Phucket are whatever holiday locale the fabu parents frequent. Hopefully many, many spoiled babies choke on their first Cartier, creating Cartier's first class-action lawsuit.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I had $17,000 to piss away, I would be damned if I would spend it on that crap.

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I encourage all wealthy people to spend disgusting amounts of money on trivial items as often as possible.

4:05 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

it kinda looks like baby's first silver knuckles. meow!

4:38 PM  
Blogger concha said...

thanks. now my head hurts frm banging it on my desk 57 times.

6:27 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

babyshambles, indeed!

2:12 AM  
Blogger SchizoFishNChimps said...

It looks like one of those Ann Summers penis rings (er... so I'm told)

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the story, and you are not alone in your opinion of expensive pieces like that. However, I bought my nephew a sterling silver rattle from Tiffany's when he was born (around 280 bucks). Not to be played with mind you, but as a keepsake. Every baby should have one nice thing like a silver drinking cup or a silver feeding spoon, maybe a silver rattle, something to be passed on to their children. That's the way I look at it, not expecting you to understand. Still though, great story.

11:16 AM  

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