Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Again, I'm yelling at a bottle of cognac.

The first rule you learn in ad school is that there are no rules. The second rule you learn is that you don't give nonhuman products human characteristics, unless there is a damn good reason. I've talked to alcoholic drinks before, yes. But I initiated those conversations. This will be the second time I've responded to a mouthy Courvoisier decanter (here's the first):
'No YOU wish, you inanimate, molded piece of shit. Here's what I wish: I wish I had you in my hands so I could throw you out onto Lafayette St. and watch you die. Earn it? Way to evoke the last cheesy words Tom Hanks' Captain Miller spits out in Saving Private Ryan.'

:1. Worst. Anthropomorphism. EVER.
2. Can't spell "anthropomorphism" without "Mohr"


Blogger Flop said...

These ads cannot be savaged enough. Seriously.

I've stared slack-jawed in disgust at them on the subway many times over the years. You know how something is so repugnant you can't look away? Yeah, that's these for me. When one appeared on a phone kiosk in my old neighborhood, I considered vandalizing it.

I'm rarely in the market for Cognac, brand-name or otherwise, but I after seeing these ads, I wouldn't use this shit to clean bird shit off my car. And I don't even have a car.

12:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wish for what, exactly?

Wanna know what I wish? I wish I could take one of those Bollywood hotties for a test drive:


I guess this rotgut could help reduce her inhibitions, but I've been hearing a lot about this Balweenie stuff...

10:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I especially love the cheesy "I just bought Photoshop and that makes me an artist" emboss filter applied to the text.


4:33 PM  
Blogger HighJive said...

not completely certain, but this account may be handled by globalhue in michigan, an agency specializing in multicultural advertising. this shitty campaign is probably intended to target urbanites, with a focus on blacks.

this is hopefully not an example of what the new york city human rights commission is battling madison avenue over.

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and the most disgustingly vaginal liquor bottle design prize goes to...

5:47 PM  

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