Friday, February 23, 2007

Bacon Wristband Winners...

Frankly, a pretty lame response (original post).
On to the comments.
The best: anon #1: "Because I'd fuck the fire pig. Doggy style. So fucking hard its snout would be buried in the turf as if it were rooting for truffles. SOOIE!" Very visual description.
Honorable mention: anon # 4: "Give me one of those mother fucking bracelets CR." I adore simplicity.
But they both win nothing cause they're anons.
Now the actual "winners."
#1: Bob. Because he linked to a chilling shot from the Tate/LaBianca murder scene.
#2: hennesjp. Because she(?) thought of bacon while viewing a goofy, fleshy human cadaver exhibit.
#3: David. Because his train of thought that led him from "Bacon" to "Cobain" had to be drug-induced.
#4: Lia. Because she found a pair of Capri pants that look like bacon.
marj, you left me NINE fucking comments. You should have known that that would disqualify you to the power of infinity.
Bob and Lia—I need email addresses and you need to contact me so's I can mail you your wristbands. You have until Monday morning, otherwise I pick two other "winners."


Blogger Unknown said...

Sorry, thought you would enjoy the comments. Go fuck oscar mayer.

2:48 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

go fuck oscar that's not bad. If any of the 4 don't contact me, you win. if you still want one.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck you douchebag. I won. And I want my bacon wristband.

After-the-fact Updates to the rules are fucked! You probably pulled that shit on your younger brother years ago.

Typical bait-and-switch advertising bullshit.

3:02 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Only child. So I'm taking YEARS of pent up pure fucking rage on you assholes...cheaper than therapy.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well now I’m gonna go and buy some bacon to wrap around something. If you don't hear from me it's because ShopRite doesn't have a sense of humor and I probably won't get bailed out until Monday.

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is this because i smell like bologna?

4:04 PM  
Blogger Lia said...

$3?! I feel like I should send you something in return for such a generous prize ... how about a "Don't Mess With Texas" bumper sticker?

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Motherfucker. If I wasn't so lazy I would've had one of those fucks.

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AKA "Overheard at awards shows."

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stupid asshole, you are naturally ugly and don't need to wear this to be disgusting.

And also, fuck you douchebag.

5:26 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Douché, anon!

5:32 PM  
Blogger David said...

Fuck yeah.

I will wear it with pride.

8:26 PM  
Blogger David said...

Also, where's your fucking email address?

8:53 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Douché away!

If you have one left, I'll take it. I'll wear it proudly on my left breast.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

I'm officially nominating myself for one of the possibly-now-available bacon bracelets.

Why do I deserve it? Well, because I'm dating a bacon-eating Jew who has seeing problems. I'd put the ring of plastic pork down yonder and tell him to fetch it up with his tongue.

He often threatens to dump me for my sister because she makes better bacon than me (this is a lot coming from someone who cooks his bacon in the microwave). Anyway, I think that if he tastes the bacon bracelet as described above, I might just win the bacon contest. So, pretty please?

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am making this plea for help to you this day only because I hear many tales of your benevolence from far and wide and deep.

You know that my family is very much poor. I know that you are many rich with blessings from Almighty Creator of Earth and stone and dirt and rock and baby elephants. Therefore, you must listen keenly with your benevolent ear to my plea of course.

I think that it only fits to say that I adore the device. It is not enough to say that sure. But when will it be enough? How many must I wage for your pleasure? Surely your benevolence knows the bounds of humanity. Surely.

I say again Benevolent One, send to I, your lowly humbled servant, the bacon cock ring and I shall make you one of the happiest men of Earth. (And along with your happiness will come the happiness of my wife's sister as she will be impressed with my staying power because it outlasts her husband Bert who is a midget with a tiny penis and no cock ring of his own because he is so poor.)

2:49 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Well, I am waiting to hear if the other 2 contacted copyranter, as I would be first in line to get a bracelet if about it, CR? I definitely do want it still.

4:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

useless pig fact:
japanese imitate pigs by making a "boo boo" noise. not "oink oink".

9:45 PM  

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