Thursday, March 29, 2007

The French coulda used this sailor in both World Wars.

Old campaign, I know (I posted on it last year). But with Spring springing, I'm feeling all virile and manly and shit. I've got a beard going, I've increased the frequency of my dip & pull-up workouts...I'm scratching my tingling itchy balls right this second. Earlier this week, I came across this not-new ad for the French spring water with bubbles—and punched the cartoon magazine man in the face. I get it, Perrier; your American male numbers probably ain't exactly impressive—some Boomers and EuroTrash. But you can call your prissy-ass product "manlier" all you want, that ain't gonna get the lucrative young meathead demographic to guzzle your effervescent beverage with their Taco Bell takeout.
previously in bottled water ads:
1. Perrier. Shittier.
2. Anthropomorphism, to the power of Retarded.
3. 50's packin'. Nutrients.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seltzer makes you virile?

2:10 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

perhaps if you quaff it with a prune danish.

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, TMI. That's a visual I could have lived my whole life without picturing ;-)

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Repeating posts now?

Your tank is empty, douchebag -- like The Knack after its first album.

This recent shit is fuckin toothless froth, not worth the energy expenditure required to click-through on the RSS feed.

Keep your assembly line day job, asshole. And do us all a favor: spend your downtime prancing around town with that piece of ass of yours and stay away from blogging.

Oh... by the way. Save us the references to your balls. Truth is, you couldn't lick the sweat off my balls, you lightweight piece o' shit.

I'm expecting some "virile" middle school reply about being 6'2" and full of (clearly inevident on this site) talent.

9:45 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

I was seriously wondering where you'd been. Your best attack yet. Touché. Thanks for reading.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck you.

10:40 PM  
Blogger John said...

Damn. A. Nonomus just poured himself a big glass of haterade . . . what a dicknose. Leave your name next time, big guy.

Anyway, I'm a long time reader, first time commenter, because I have some pictures you need to see that make Herb Vest out to be even skeezier than you thought he was and I can't find any way to reach you except comments. Trust me when I say that this blows the lid off True as a reputable dating site. Come see my blog and I guarantee you'll have a week's worth of posts.

2:21 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I'm not impressed. Look how small his feet are. And he only has three toes and looks crazy.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, John... Fuck you, too.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Matt Brand said...

I have a theory...that anon is ACTUALLY THE COPYRANTER IN DISGUISE! Think about it - they have the same tone, hate the same shit etc. Either that or they are doplegangers.

12:14 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

No, I don't quite hate myself as much as he hates me.

7:30 AM  

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