Friday, February 10, 2006

The Car as Cock.

Now, I’m all for hot chicks with nice tits in fuck-me pumps. But, speaking, if I may, for our society as we enter the middle of the second month of 2006—uhhhhh, haven’t we progressed to the point in history where our car ads should drop the sexist 1950s shtick?
“That’s it sweetheart, smile. Good. Now stroke the hood with your right hand. NO! Slower. Perfect.”
(addendum: Ad headlines should basically never end with a stupid ellipsis. It always reads, at least for me, “blahblahblahblah…[you dick].")

16 Comments:

Blogger ElMachino said...

What else does Mercury have to sell?

10:06 AM  
Anonymous shadow said...

toasters

11:42 AM  
Blogger Hipster Pit said...

Okay, well, the image is kind of small, but is that chick wearing STIRRUP PANTS? If so, well, I feel whomever did this must be punished.

11:57 AM  
Blogger christy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:56 PM  
Blogger christy said...

I thought they were stirrup pants, too. But they appear to be mere *gag* leggings.

Still, she looks ready for 1st period at Bayside.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Juancho said...

C'mon, we all know who French kissed Kelly Kapowski!


I think the "Envy Green" line is actually the worst about this ad, and the capitalization makes it SO important.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Weave said...

Pretty sure this is the work of my former colleagues at Y&R (this out of the Detroit office rather than Irvine).

Stirrup pants are probably still big in Bloomfield Hills.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

Christy, Juancho. I love you both for the "saved by the bell" references. Sweeet.

5:14 PM  
Blogger David said...

"Envy Green" Mercury and Mom petting the hood don't cut it. I prefer vehicles "Forest Green" and my models "slutty," but that's just me.

5:26 PM  
Blogger David said...

'Ranter, I apologize. When I first loaded this page, all I got was you "addendum" part; the rest somehow was blank. I then commented, came back, and upon seeing your entire comment, realized all I did was rehash your original posting, which you had done better anyway. I am a bad commenter.

6:56 PM  
Anonymous kowgurl said...

wait do you--as someone with as a penis-- get the girl and the car? or does the girl own the car? becasue girl car- ownership is pretty evolved, in adpseak at least. She might own it.

7:35 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

David—don't sweat it.
kowgurl—yes, that's obviously the thought with the house in the background. But this isn't a testimonial ad. and she (or anybody) being in the photo adds nothing but scenery to the ad, and nothing to the message. It was just a general complaint about so many car makers (in print and TV ads) refusing to deviate from the formula of "car must have attractive woman near it." Say like how all book ads have a big book shot as their visual. They all look EXACTLY a like. It's just so unoriginal and ultimately unproductive. Thanks for the comment, though.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Bob Garfield said...

Hi, gang. Bob Garfield here, esteemed ad critic/punching bag.

You know, I think this theory of the size of a car corresponding to the size of one's, uh, manroot has some validity. Heck, I feel inadequate just looking at a Yugo.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Jpatrick said...

In my fictional world, she will get down on all fours with her butt up against the front bumper.

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Jumper Bailey said...

What kills me is the car-show models who stand on the rotating platforms with the vehicles at the state fair and other venues.

Mom, Dad, Junior (who is still wearing remnants of the cotton candy he ate on the midway) and Baby Sister (asleep in the stroller), make their way from display to display to look at the cars. A model (no, she's not wearing the car, she's wearing an evening gown of some sort) runs through her script while gesturing a la Vanna White as she describes the various features.

And while car-Vanna is undoubtedly a pleasant enough looking model, and while she delivers the script with practiced professionalism (she can recite it in her sleep at this point...the state fair runs for several weeks), it is Mom who holds the veto power on this particular family's car purchases, and Mom is not amused by an appreciative remark Dad makes about car-Vanna as they leave the exhibition hall.

2:59 PM  
Blogger concha said...

what pisses me off is that some fucking cw sat at his laptop and at around line 128 wrote that one and mentally patted himself of the back. then he showed it to his cd and he let it pass. and then everyone used their paychecks, to run up ridiculous bar tabs just so that they could sit around and talk about how great they all are...

11:11 PM  

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