Wednesday, February 01, 2006

eau de ASS

OK. WHO was the first dickhead to green-light these "masculine" versions of what should have FOREVER remained feminine body sprays? This isn’t metrosexuality. This is a fucking stupid idiotic retarded product for fucking stupid idiotic retarded men. Even if your body secretions happen to smell like beer farts or pond scum: Beer Farts + Old Spice Body Spray = Merchant Ship With a Hold Full of Shit & Yeast; or, Pond Scum + Old Spice Body Spray = Dead Rotting Sailor Who Fucked a Five Dollar Whore. Which brings me to this whole Body Spray = You’ll Get Laid benefit—YES! It works. I encourage ALL you single NYC hetero men to buy these products and spray them liberally all over your mooky bodies within all your cracks and crevices because I have scientific Beta-study double-blind information that proves you’ll have women tugging gently on your spicy-smelling dicks damn near immediately—or your money back.

8 Comments:

Blogger Angelina said...

It's your gentle touch that inspires me so.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Body spray banned from N.B. school.

Seems like the marketing works, at least in Canada.

4:14 PM  
Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

johnny said the old band was getting together ...

5:21 PM  
Anonymous shadow said...

ahh finally! the good old ranter style to jump start Feb.

5:57 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

It's only gonna make you angrier that Adrants posted (yesterday)a link to a spot from the UK with Ben Affleck, plugging...guess what?

Please don't judge (me) - I thought it was kinda clever. I even posted about it.

6:11 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

jordan, some of the Axe stuff is somewhat clever. my problem is with the product itself, and marketing it as a turn-on. Most Women hate this crap.

And how could I bring myself to judge such a goddamn good-looking man like yourself?

11:15 AM  
Blogger Jordan said...

I have tears in my eyes, cr.

But then again, it might be because I accidentally sprayed some Old Spice body spray in my eye, you cheeky bugger.

I knew it was only a matter of time before someone made fun of that pic. My secret: Axe shower gel.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Maulleigh said...

Brilliant. I say Bravo!!

12:58 PM  

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