Friday, May 12, 2006

Irrefutable Evidence That GOLF is Not A Sport.

Paging through the racist, misogynist, elitist, blubbery white businessman's Bible—Golf Digest—I happened upon this ad for Polo golfwear. Nice look, Chip. These slacks are the final piece of my Truth Puzzle. The biggest piece? Any "sport" that whales like John Daly and Craig Stadler can excel at, is not a fucking sport. Here's a partial list of games and activities that are more of a "sport" than golf:
•Table Tennis•Table Hockey•Shuffleboard•Table Shuffleboard•White-Water Rafting• Pool-Water Rafting•Tiddlywinks•Mowing A Golf Course•Driving A Golf Cart•Building A Bird House•Stratego®•Eating An Artichoke•Fucking•Taking A Crap

45 Comments:

Blogger ElMachino said...

The only thing that would make these "slacks" an even more egregious assault on the senses is if they were knickers, with a matching set of socks. RIP, Payne Stewart.

9:57 AM  
Blogger David said...

As an addendum to your truth puzzle, I was captain of my high school golf team.

Sans pants like that, however.

10:44 AM  
Blogger The Man Himself said...

Also, those smart tan gloves are perfect for strangling the housekeeper that couldn't keep the fingerprints off your grand piano.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

LOL man himself

11:24 AM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

Maybe those were stickers that came with the pants to put where you want.

Just saying.

11:26 AM  
Blogger The Man Himself said...

"Maybe those were stickers that came with the pants to put where you want."

I think this explains it all.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Ben Popken said...

When the rich pee themselves, little heraldic crests stain their pants.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

Stratego? Hell yeah. I used to put my flag right up there by the front lines thinking no one would ever guess it. I always lost. Fuckers.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did anyone notice the 'expensive car' watermark? is that on the image or in the pants?

12:42 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

anon: thinness of mag pages these days. but a nice effect.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Muk said...

Fuck you copyranter, I play golf and... ummm, well... ... err... ok, you're right.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

West Coast says

UR A COOK.. i'll have fun golfin in those pants while u snow plow ur driveway hack!

1:24 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

I don't cook, anon.

1:32 PM  
Anonymous shadow said...

FYI, POLO also makes these in a capri version for the ladies, as well as mini skirts and vests.

oh yeah, and other items for their layette collection

1:37 PM  
Blogger J.J. Gittes said...

You want athletic? Try dodging cars in the parking lot after a charity golf outing...

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, you said it yourself. You keep getting STUPIDER, like most of the people reading and commenting (myself excluded).

If you don't like the pants, don't wear them. Simple. Ralph Lauren probably doesn't dig your ensemble.

The pants have no bearing on a golfer's athletic ability, or in defining a golfer as an athlete.

Re: golfers not being athletes, take a look at Tiger's biceps some time. Or Carlos Villegas'. These guys would kick your tiddily-wink-playing ass.

Finally, my guess is you don't play, or if you do play, you SUCK. Otherwise, you would have noticed that the guy in the ad has his glove on the wrong fucking hand.

Which is the problem when stupid (and getting stupider) non-golf-playing advertising assholes try to do ads for golf products.

P.S. If Golf Digest is so racist, why is Tiger in every issue?

2:01 PM  
Blogger ElMachino said...

Looks like John Daly's on a bender again.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous lopey986 said...

Tiger is in every issue because Golf Digest is trying to keep whitey down. Simple.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous SwissB said...

Anon: I'm guessing you don't play either, or if you do play, you SUCK. That glove is on the correct hand if you're left-handed. Leftys also wear watches on their right hand. Anyway, it's irrelevant. The point is that the pants are stupid, no matter what else is going on in that picture.

2:15 PM  
Blogger TBlazers666 said...

Uhhh... Do you watch professional sports?? There are whales in every game. Look at just about every lineman in football. And in baseball.....David Wells, Cecil Fielder, and BABE RUTH just to name a few. And heavywieght boxing, jeez. Look at Foreman when he beat Moorer, fat as hell.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, snap on Anon!!! Way to jump on the glove but no allow for lefties.. Good idea to post anon.

2:24 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

No I play hockey, where you sweat from some other reason besides weather. Tiger Woods couldn't kick my ass with a fucking 9-iron in his hands. Golf is not a sport. it is a game, it is an activity.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously this is one of the gayest guys on the planet. First, who wear a watch while golfing? Isn't that what your PDA is for? Secondly, he's wearing a fucking pink shirt. If you think you're man enough to pull of pink, well...that's not the man I want to be. Plus he's got a sweater vest on. Enough has been said about those hiddeous pants. If I dressed like that I would expect to get my ass kicked in about 99.99% of America.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CR -
Bet you never guessed your audience included the demographic on disply in these comments, did ya?

4:16 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

I think the only way I would ever watch golf on tv is if there were land mines on the course. BORING!

4:38 PM  
Anonymous tetra said...

just imagine the in-house design team showing the samples to Ralph LAuren describing this product...

keywords:
cute, surprisingly fresh, L.Vitton-ish...

5:26 PM  
Blogger ohoney said...

I tossed out
one by one
all of the many of the flippin' clubs I gave the former huzbin
they did that nice boomerang-y flip right into the lake

I hate anything that even smells of golf!

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Golf rules jack-asses!

Golf rules jack-asses!

Golf rules jack-asses!

And it's sometimes in charge of mule deer too.

(It takes skill to put the little white balls in the little holes. On an abstract level it's like watching a group of circus midgets fuck.)

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the pants are lame, otherwise if you don't like golf , too bad who cares, it's more of a sport than nascar, and some women also play and they don't care if you threw your ex's club's in the lake, he should throw you and hold you down until you get them all

9:57 PM  
Anonymous anonymous sucks said...

Anonymous has made some outlandish comments. He blasted the copyranter for saying that golfers are non-athletes and then followed it up by requesting the copyranter take a look at Tiger Woods' biceps. Bicep size has nothing to do with being athletic. In fact many people are athletic without being muscle bound and vice versa.
Secondly, and I play and like golf, perhaps the copyranter is entitled to his opinion. That is a great thing about this country and the internet. If anonymous is so against the copyranter why is he reading it? Perplexing.
People have blogs to express their opinions. I enjoy reading things by people who differ in opinion because I have the opportunity to see the other side of things. If I repeatedly don't agree with someone, think they are being absurd or am offended I stop reading. Simple as that.
People who get offended and express their anger are tight asses who clearly need to find a new hobby.

10:07 PM  
Blogger Twiddle said...

Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.

-Happy Gilmore

10:21 PM  
Anonymous angry young man said...

those pants. so that's what happens when pajamas grow up.

1:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any "sport" that whales like John Daly and Craig Stadler can excel at, is not a fucking sport.

Forgetting about Babe Ruth?

3:02 PM  
Blogger Scamp said...

i don't play golf but i like the trousers

6:17 AM  
Blogger Scamp said...

OK, just kidding

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.
2. A particular form of this activity.
- An activity involving physical exertion and skill that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often undertaken competitively.
- An active pastime; recreation.

Therefore, golf = sport. I bet John Daly could kick your ass in any other sport, too.

2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site is devoted to giving you all the data available on beijing 2008 summer olympics. Its pretty extensive and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for here.

2:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Golf Rules, and Hockey rules.

CopyRanter really wants to wear those pants. He just can't admit it to himself. He'd maybe prefer if it were a skirt though....

2:49 PM  
Anonymous sherlock said...

I agree totally. The same goes for Snooker and darts.
How can someone who weighs as much as a car and sweats prefusely from merely walking around a large table be classed as a sportsman?
At least Golf requires some level of physical activity but a sport? No!

7:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tiger could kick most any of your asses. You dumbfucks have never stood beside tiger woods and seen the size of his chest back and arms. Sit in your couch you potato chip eating champion and shut the fuck up!!!

2:49 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

you are the fucking greatest! that was the best thing ive heard in a long time. that list of things that are considered more of a sport than golf was hilarious. any faggot who tries to come back trying to be funny saying that golf is a sport and tries to act all tough, just failed. any body planning on it just dont even attempt it, cuz this guys arguement kicks alll of your's asses

11:47 PM  
Anonymous matt (fuck you) said...

fuck you dickliker

2:25 AM  
Blogger gwadzilla said...

agreed.

golf is not a sport... Phil Mickelson's Man Boobs will attest to that

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, what a bitch. This guy is so mad about everything and everyone but himself. Sociopath much?

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Golf is the ultimate game for sporting under-achievers.

For 10 reasons why 'Golf is not a Sport' go here:

http://golfisnotasport.webs.com/

5:59 PM  

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