The Balvenie Weenie®'s New Year's Resolutions.
• I will wear out my new Fleshlight by March.
• I will celebrate my 41st birthday with a better quality escort than I did on my 40th (sorry Pandora).
• I will give Tuna Helper® a try.
• I will buy an Ab Lounge.
• I will see a specialist about "that smell" I have.
(ad manipulated by proactive reader deniz)
Add your own (Weenie) resolutions in the comments, if you feel like. The other 8 Balvenie Weenie® posts can be found here.
posted by copyranter @ 2:50 PM
11 Comments:
I will get fucked by the Anon poster.
will be less proactive.
I will go skinny dipping with sharks. Or take a bath in a pool of wite out. (note: it's even harder to read the "word verification" while drunk.
is that you in the fleshlight ad?
thought your butt looked kinda cute.
resolution? fuck my intergrity.
chris: I like the wite out bath. keep drinking...
Darling:
A) brilliant
B) faintly autobiographical, no?
I will die from alcohol poisoning due to a 72-hour Balvenie binge.
1. I will grow balls.
2. I will move out of my mother's house.
3. I will stop being such a !%@$#& tool.
I will stop wearing bedroom slippers in public.
1.) I will resist my urges drink myself to death in a Holiday Inn Express.
2.) I will no longer cry during sex with prostitutes.
3.) I will stop burning myself with generic cigarettes.
By March? Maybe you're not trying hard enough.
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