Friday, January 05, 2007

The Balvenie Weenie®'s New Year's Resolutions.

• I will wear out my new Fleshlight by March.
• I will celebrate my 41st birthday with a better quality escort than I did on my 40th (sorry Pandora).
• I will give Tuna Helper® a try.
• I will buy an Ab Lounge.
• I will see a specialist about "that smell" I have.
(ad manipulated by proactive reader deniz)
Add your own (Weenie) resolutions in the comments, if you feel like. The other 8 Balvenie Weenie® posts can be found here.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will get fucked by the Anon poster.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

I will dare to look on match.com.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

will be less proactive.

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will go skinny dipping with sharks. Or take a bath in a pool of wite out. (note: it's even harder to read the "word verification" while drunk.

10:27 PM  
Blogger meg white said...

is that you in the fleshlight ad?

thought your butt looked kinda cute.

resolution? fuck my intergrity.

6:52 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

chris: I like the wite out bath. keep drinking...

10:21 PM  
Blogger Lucia Toledo said...

Darling:
A) brilliant
B) faintly autobiographical, no?

4:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will die from alcohol poisoning due to a 72-hour Balvenie binge.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. I will grow balls.
2. I will move out of my mother's house.
3. I will stop being such a !%@$#& tool.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

I will stop wearing bedroom slippers in public.

8:32 AM  
Blogger dancing at gunpoint said...

1.) I will resist my urges drink myself to death in a Holiday Inn Express.
2.) I will no longer cry during sex with prostitutes.
3.) I will stop burning myself with generic cigarettes.

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Fleshlight said...

By March? Maybe you're not trying hard enough.

9:10 PM  

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