Monday, November 03, 2014

Time to pick a new Betty Crocker, for Chrissakes.

As you can see, we've had the same damn Betty Crocker for 18 years.

That's bullshit.

That 1996 Crocker is, according to their website, "a combination of 75 real-life women of diverse backgrounds and ages" (bold mine).


Big-time bullshit, General Mills.

They also say every previous Crocker painting is not based on a real woman, but an original artwork.

Who do they think they're kidding?

Anyway, let's pick a new one for 2015.

1. This stock photo woman @ Getty Images.

I searched through hundreds of women in "red" in a "kitchen".
The above woman is called "happy young housewife".
She can fry an egg. And drink soda.
She looks very "All-American".

2. Naomi Campbell.

You wanna really be diverse, General Mills? Here ya go.
Campbell, I'm sure, has plenty of red outfits.
She has been unfairly shunned by the ad industry. It would be a great PR move for you.
She has never been married, though, probably a big no-no in Crocker World.

3. This stock photo woman @ Getty Images.

Campbell would cost you tens of millions, General Mills.
If you wanna diversify for much less, here's another stock option.
I'd keep the afro.

4. The "Woman In Red" from The Matrix.

I don't know her name, I just searched "woman in red".

Plenty of options, General Mills.
My consultant fee is $500,000.
PayPal me, please.


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