Be the Balvenie Weenie®'s wingman.
The Weenie hasn't been laid since his nearly-empty bottle of 15-year-old Balvenie scotch was just barley germinating on the malting floor. His previous pickup attempts of this same local alcoholic blond all ended with the mouthless douche home alone in the dark, jerking off into old handkerchiefs while viewing secretary porn on the Internet. Anyway, to the present. Ivana Balvenie? Jesus Christ. Help him out, please. If you were the Weenie's wingman, what similarly idiotic (or foolproof?) line would you whisper into his stubby little ear?For the previous 10 Balvenie Weenie® posts, start here.
posted by copyranter @ 3:00 PM
10 Comments:
Go Balvenie deep.
"Dude...your right foot...is that dog shit?"
or
"Dude...I know you like mature porn but c'mon...she's propping her tits up with her forearms!!"
"My mouth is located right above my penis"
In a perfect world, my wife woudn't have a mouth either.
Madam - an you help me pour this into my asshole? It's my sole orifice.
"She wants it. Look at her feet, 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. Just don't mention the trust fund."
"Are you sure you're not a cop?"
"Seize up and die."
Uh, huh huh. You said 'ball'
You got a pretty mouth.
Hell. You've got a mouth.
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