The Balvenie Weenie.
The Balvenie Guy. One of the longest-running characters in advertising history. And, one of the biggest Douches in Douchery history. I winced through the archives to bring you more of the winning pickup lines that have come out of his nonexistent mouth:
• "Rich, sweet and mature. And that’s just my drink."
• "Actually, I’m a rocket surgeon."
• "I’ve just started a hedge fund. Forsythia, in fact."
Could we please jump to the last panel where he's lying in a hospital bed dying of liver cancer and says to the blonde nurse:
"I'd love a sponge bath—with Balvenie."
If moved, please write your own deathbed pickup lines in the comments. Just remember: you think you're witty, but you're not.