I HATE SEX –GOD
Down in the town of Wichita Falls, Texas sits the above billboard from the local Trinity church. Question: Why do church ads always stress the bad instead of highlighting the good stuff—like everlasting life, Joy of God's kingdom, etc.? Most of the ads either compare me to Satan (above) or unceremoniously point out the bleakness of my mortal existence. And really, how dare they put such bland words in Beelzebub's mouth. My goodness, the billboards Old Bendy could post in response to this one:
I Hate Life –God; I Hate Women –God; I Hate My Son –God; etc.
(I'm sure you've got a few. Leave them in the comments.)
(big thanks to Karen Grundy for the pic!)
previously in Heaven & Hell:
1. Jesus Jeans.
2. RIP Hilly Kristal.
3. The Pope's Cologne.
4. Playing With God's Balls.
5. The Blackwater X-Mas tree ornament.
6. Saint Francis/Lazarus/Roch of Broadway.
posted by copyranter @ 9:15 AM
21 Comments:
Oh Lordy, got to love those small Texas towns...
I hate logic
- Christians
i hate history
- GOD
Finally! Someone else who hates church as much as I do. Hey, do you have Satan's number? A last name maybe? MySpace page?
I hate blowjobs
-God
The whole premise of your pitch is wrong. And you probably know it. Countless times I've seen billboards of the God Loves You or Jesus Loves You variety. You wanna be a nonbeliever? Go ahead. But don't set up an easy target straw man.
"GOd/Jesus Loves Me" isn't a reason to buy.
Don't be hasty. I wanted 33 years to abort my unwanted child.
-God
I use an ugly handwritten font.
-Satan.
'Cause sin sells, baby.
9am CLASSIC worship, 11am CONTEMPORARY worship--Copyranter, the website offers a smorgasbord of adspeak meatballs:
"intentional hospitality" (see the "our values" link)
"functional structures", "need-oriented evangelism" (our vision)
trunk or treat tailgate party, ignited 4 christ, "prayer in the sahara"
Yes there's more to Trinity WTF than Jesus Loves You.
I hate Christopher Hitchens
- Satan
I hate Church - Jesus
We'll scare the belief right into you.
- Church
Why feel guilty about a few things when you can go to church and feel guilty about everything?
- Church
I'm St. Lucifer, idiots. You don't think God planned it that way? Idiots.
- Satan
Going out of business sale--little boys pants, half-off! See one of God's Channel Sales Reps today!
I guess it's less controversial than their first version "I Hate Jews and Gays - God"
Why are "Hate" and "Church" capitalized, anyway?
I Hate Wool
-Satin
I hold control over the minds of billions of impressionable and foolish humans.
-Lucifer
I don't like Sundays- Satan
What book?- God
We hold the minds of billions of impressionable and foolish humans - Benny Hinn, Oral Roberts, The Pope, Pat Robertson..er..we mean..uh..I mean God.
My followers are terrifying.
-God
Actually I LOVE Church. Come join me. Any denomination will do. Just join and I'll tell you what to do next.
Love,
Satan
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