...because walking slowly, intermittently, for a couple of hours requires a highly-specialized hydration replenisher.
That Tiger Woods is an athlete is indisputable. Equally indisputable, however, is that golf is not a sport. Not even fucking close. It is, at most, a leisurely activity. Why? Here's just three of many ironclad reasons: This Man, These Balls, and Those Pants.
So, it is with misanthropic glee that I can't fucking wait until next spring when I spy that first rich, fat, sweat-stained, Bermuda shorts-wearin', 30+ handicap, red-faced white man carrying a bottle of Gatorade Tiger in his left hand and his $5,000 worth of titanium/platinum golf clubs slung over his right shoulder.
"Bridging that iconic nature with his will to win, those things make this a big deal for us," said buzzword-spoutin', hard-on sportin' Jeff Urban of Gatorade about this endorsement.
Tiger will reportedly get $100 million over the next five years for the deal.
Be Like Tiger, sheep.
previously in specious sports marketing:
1. EDGE. DULL.
2. Urnie Banks?
3. Reebok running shoes prevent puking?
4. New York Knicks. Experience It (Misery?).
5. Johnnie Walker. Official Sports Drink of the New York Yankees.