Eat A Box O' Lard. Play Some Football.

Last night, I dined on "fast" food for the first time in—jeez—a couple of years. I had me one of them there De-luxe Angus third-pounders, and I must say it was pretty tasty (much better than the scuzzy French Spiderman 3™ cheeseburger). And I didn't shit my sweatpants later in my sleep either, no I did not. Didn't even have to take any beano.
Something else I did not do after shoveling this 800-calorie, 50 fat-gram thing down my maw was play football—of the touch, flag, or tackle variety. In fact, I'd say that playing a game of Madden NFL 08 video football would even have been too strenuous of an activity for me to attempt. More accurate box artwork would be: a half-comatose man half-watching a hockey game with a hand half down his pants—I'll gladly recreate my position from last night for your illustrator, McDonald's. previously in McDonald's: a Big Fat Lie of a nutrition ad; Ronald is Dead.