Insert cancer into your ass.

(click ad, circa 1930, via) "They are inserted per rectum, one per night...Every tissue, every organ of the body is bombarded...And remember, Radium taken into the system remains for months (Ra actually has a half-life of 1601 years) ...Guaranteed to be non-injurious..." Um. Here's a package of them. Previously in retro What Could Go Wrong? products:
• the Glide-O-Bike.
• the car Doggie Bag.
• Whiskey toothpaste.
• the Dimple Machine.
• the robot lawnmower.
• the combo clothes/dishwasher.