Balvenie Weenie, Cinco de Mayo edition.
Last time I visited with the Balvenie Weenie, we explored some deathbed pickup lines the mouth-less douche bag might employ. Today (click image), let's give him some better Cinco de Mayo lines:
• "I don't drink Margaritas because they make my sperm taste like shit."
• "This one scotch costs more than most day laborers make in a week! Yuckity yuck yuck...
• "Can I fuck you?"
If you want, please put your words in his nonexistent mouth in the comments.
posted by copyranter @ 9:50 AM
25 Comments:
the guy on the poster doesn't even have a mouth
Plus, I really enjoy saying "fish taco."
"Mmmph mmm muh mu mm-mm, mrph muuhh mm muh muh."
(You try talking with no mouth)
"Hey Puta-
Nothing says Cinco de Mayo quite like a Dirty Sanchez. Por favor, senorita, bend over, let's get it done. Oye Pachegamos!"
Do you even know what a plethora is?
"And we will prune the hedges.. of many small villages.. and Rape the horses.. and Ride off on the women!"
i've come from lake titicaca to raie a glass
plus, i really like enjoy saying: chili con carne
"I have never had sex with a woman before. If I buy you enough of these, do you think you might be drunk enough to cinco my mayo?"
“Pardon me my dear, but you simply look Mexcellent tonight.”
I have no tongue but I can sniff a pretty good anus. Happy Mexico day.
"Fuck, I keep forgetting I don't have any orifices. You want this?"
"Buenos Noches. I leave nothing to chance! You can tell by the fact that I'm drinking Balvenie. In fact, I frequently use foreign holidays as an excuse to quaff Balvenie imprudently, Bastille Day anyone?
Oh yes, I am quite tolerant of my swarthy brethren, and am quite glad they are independent of Spain. Was it Spain?
Details are unimportant.
What is important is that I am about three drinks shy of ravishing you, you lovely thing.
What is even more important is how many Balvenies do YOU need in order to go ankles up on the back 9, Hmmm?
Oh, yes, and I really enjoy saying RU82."
I lost my mouth and leg in the war but you'd never know it. Thank god for mental telepathy and this super huge penis propping me up. Happy Mexico day.
"On this Mexico day, I Pledged to hump atleast one immigrant. You sure you dont have any documents right?"
I am absolutely using the "Mexcellent" line tonight.
j.j., cred where cred is due. I found it here: http://www.blacktable.com/waxing050505.htm
Which came from their funny-ass review of cinco dating ads from craig's list
http://www.blacktable.com/blair050506.htm
A good-natured romp through the bungalows of Thailand, a soothing steam shower in the natural swamps of Madagascar, or a relaxing Punch cigar on top of the snowy white mountains of Peru; these are the retreats every leisurely gentlemen aspires to enjoy. But how does one determine leisure from work? One man may consider tending his sweet garden of rosemary and arugula a "day off" if you will, but another man might find this task to be the most taxing of them all. Shall we have sex?
hey The Man Himself:
you're kinda standing like the Balvenie fella
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"I would love it if you would take that plant behind you and stick it in your bum. That, I would love."
For Cinco de Mayo, I gave my maid a ticket home to Mexico. She just cried and cried during the entire ride to JFK - couldn't understand a damn word she said. Touching. Very touching.
Like to go to my place and tidy up a bit?
Perhaps we should go for dinner...girls never expect a roufie in food.
Cinco de Fucko
Shiloh? Really? What a fucking weirdo name.
(Talk balloon comment) So, my friend says, "By the way, what day does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?"
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