Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Balvenie Weenie® brings his A Game.

Between the Balvenie Weenie® and the Op-Ed page, I owe much thanks to the Wall Street Journal for supplying me with comic relief every week. Here, the mouthless Weenie leaves his parents' house to try to score some trim. It's the same woman he failed with last March. What would Amber's response be? As always, leave your reply in the comments: To get you started:
• "Well then your name must be Dick, because, see, you're a Dick."
• My favorite color is Get The Fuck Away From Me."
• "I'd rather eat those flowers than hear another word come out of your ugly mouthless face."

1. out again with the Balvenie Weenie™.
2. Balvenie Weenie, Cinco de Mayo edition.
3. The Balvenie Weenie Motto.
4. The Balvenie Weenie.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw a guy in Quiznos who looked like the exact replica of the Weenie, bowtie and all. He took about 20 minutes ordering the poor sandwich maker around as he gave the exact measurement of the bread, the precise number of mushrooms, how the cheese should be aligned with the bacon, etc.

Archetypes, people. Think about it.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm really a man."

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your name is Remington?
Fascinating, that's the name of the gun in my purse.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It also happens to be the colour of my chlamydia discharge

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm not surprised, considering you're a gay."

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So you're a fan of kidnapping little children, then. That's lovely. How about you step back before this taser attached to my garder rips through that crappy suit of yours. Freak. ...Grow a mouth!"

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I usually like to take a few sleeping pills with my booze, but you'll do just fine."

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you misheard me. I said my name is Shit-Stain Brown.

1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You gotta give the guy his props for the mega-sized feet. I hear that matters somehow...

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Really? Let's fuck!"

To paraphrase Billy Dee, "Balvenie... works everytime."

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Yeah, my parent's named me after my grandmother. She's dead."

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(D'oh. I meant "parents." I'm an asshole.)

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unless you can find a way to eat me out with that non-mouth of yours, I just can't see this relationship going anywhere.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorite color is bronze - the color of my chastity belt. This is a singles bar, but can I get a double?

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, that's $20 an hour for just talking, $50 for a lap dance, and unless you grow a dick in the next, um, 5 seconds, this conversation here- it's over.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"No, what's fascinating is that you really think you have a chance, chinny chinless."

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You've got to lick it before you stick it....oops, uh, never mind"

1:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my urine is amber, would you like me to piss on you freakboy?

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need to go to the ladies' room.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Yeah? I'm a hooker"

2:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Amber is a color? You mouthless types are so smart!"

12:44 PM  

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