The Balvenie Weenie Motto.
The mouthless Balvenie Weenie has established himself as the Worst Ad Icon ever. Here, Sir Douche has given us one of his incredibly stupid life credos. I think we must add to the stupidity:• "...Bow tie pasta, bad. Bow tie, good."
• "...Jerking off to pics of 21-year-old women dressed as hedge fund managers in lieu of real sex which I haven't had with a non-hooker in my entire life...good."
• "...I am a fucking boring dick."
Please, add your own in the comments.
previously:
Balvenie Weenie, Cinco de Mayo edition.
The Balvenie Weenie.
posted by copyranter @ 10:40 AM
12 Comments:
Being shorter than the bottle. Bad.
Having a bottle of scotch bigger than you.Good.
Doing irritating stupid pseudo high-class ads. Bad.
Constantly annoying copyranter. very good.
This ad is perfect!
The type of douche bags that drink Balvenie are the exact same people that would find this crap funny.
Based on the previous weenie ads, it seems obvious that the gentleman has no mouth. I can only deduce, then, that it's the glass of Balvenie doing the talking, which makes me question your criticism. With an alcohol level several hundred times the legal limit, it's a wonder the tumbler can manage a slightly-better-than-Frankenstein verbal spew, much less a coherent "motto." I'm kinda impressed.
the whole bad/good thing ISN'T EVEN A MOTTO. mottos are simple phrases that command, remind, inspire. phrases like do unto others as you would have done unto you. eggs today are better than chickens tomorrow. ah well, adversus solem ne loquitor.
Drinking scotch with your mouth, bad.
Standing around like a mouthless Tucker Carlson look-alike, holding a $15 tumbler of "the" Balvenie, good.
bad or good, molto or motto, i'm sick of the mastercard sentence construction. this horse is dead and decomposing. copywriters around the world, unite! free us from the tyranny of the colon/comma cliche!
The Tyranny of the Colon. That's now going to be the working title of my script about the inner workings of this shitty biz.
the sequel: the tyranny of the %.
and that'd be 10. for me.
(ps, do you like how i worked the colon in?)
The copy says what it says, but the graphic says:
I live my life by a simple motto,
which escapes me at the moment.
Well, he's not an over-aggressive salesman, that's for sure.
He describes the product as "good".
"jerking wood? good."
"PortWood? Moi bien!"
Post a Comment
<< Home