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The Best Fucking Ad Blogger in the World™——now writing for BuzzFeed.com. I have been an NYC advertising copywriter for 19 years. I hate capri pants. Also: advertising, PR, midtown, the Upper East Side, the Upper West Side, going to Brooklyn, NYC realtors, New York City, fake blondes, real blondes, saline implants, silicone implants, Civil War enthusiasts, Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, fireworks, parades, Summer, Winter, greeting cards, stuffed animals, children's drawings, religions, personal trainers, golf, golf courses, golfers, polo shirts, turtlenecks, scarves, The Yankees, Yankee fans, mooks, Streeters, iBankers, the Hamptons, Hoboken, Chicago, Texas, Florida, people who don't know how to walk in NYC, whistling, Moby, TV, Radio, Magazines, Newspapers, stand-up comedy, Improv comedy, sketch comedy, "alt" comedy, Readings, poetry slams, SUVs, PCs, drinking straws, weddings, Brunch, fondue fountains, chick peas, Starbucks coffee, journalists, screenwriters (dicks), short men (Napoleon Complexed turds), Scrabble®, people who don't hate anything. I probably at least don't care for you.
My Dad was a SCUBA diver in the Navy and for 25 subsequent years. He was/is cooler than I am/will ever be. He sold all lobsters he caught wreck-diving for a buck a pound back at the dock. He did keep the crusher claw from this sea monster. My Dad is 6-4. Now look again at the size of the lobster.
posted by copyranter @ 2:30 PM
9 Comments:
That thing is frigging huge. I once ate a 6-pounder all by myself, and the one in the picture makes it look like a chicken lobster.
*****
That's a shitload of melted butter.
awwwww
You know, it's because of people like your dad that there's a crisis in Lobsterworld. A lobster like the one in the picture would never be caught today because commercial fishing has created an environment in which there are fewer and fewer large, sexually mature lobsters and more and more smaller ones. So I hope he's happy.
In other, less prickish news: You're dad was a hottie!
It's true: real men don't work in ad agencies.
YOUR DAD IS A LOOSER, cause anyone who wastes his time in the navy is a ABSOLUTE LOOSER!
I believe the word your mind's data center was searching for was "LOSER"
Please tell me that your Dad kept the immense crusher claw on a shelf in his "study" -- next to the wall with his Navy deployment plaques. If he did, then you and I lived parallel lives -- except my Dad's trophy was a heavy, metal beer can collection and his old churchkey opener. Oh, Navy brathood!
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