Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Zenith watches. Accurate. Won't destroy you.

Now that's a Unique Selling Proposition. For the Man who is tired of being destroyed, again and again, by cheap, evil Swatch® watches. Because it certainly can't be the watch quoting Nietzsche because, you know, watches can't talk. From Zenith's website:
"We could think of fairy dust, just like in the fairy tales we read to our children, spreading a rain of stars over the planet. Our senses awake, our hearts pound, our eyes sparkle. This is magic. This is art. This is ZENITH!"
But I worry for our studly, time-sensitive protagonist: he appears to be gazing not at stars, but into the abyss. And as Friedrich also said, if you gaze for too long, "the abyss gazes also into you."
This nondestructive timepiece retails for a heart-pounding $10,874.
previous watch posts:
1. Trump "Signature" Watch.
2. Time to egest.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the price? Will that destroy me?

9:27 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

to starryeyed: you've made your point. all further such comments will be deleted.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the model looks like he's squinting against the fairy dust in his eyes. either that or he's grimacing at the price tag. Is this the same Zenith that makes TVs?

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, 410,874 for a watch? Or for 54 call girls?

I'll go with the girls. After all, they bring along those egg timer thingys, so who needs a watch?

10:34 AM  
Blogger Matt Brand said...

For that price it'd better come with free fairy dust, and that fairy dust better make me see fairies.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just don't get it. Perhaps Vapid Staring Man will go the Wonder Woman route and use the watch to deflect highly destructive bullets. Maybe that's who he's staring at: some errant redneck who got lost and ended up in front of the art musuem and is now going to shoot him for "havin' a purty mouth." So pretentious to use a Nietzsche quote, but at least they spelled "Nietzsche" correctly.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nietsche was a favourite of the Nazis. Wear a Zenith watch for total world domination.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd fuck him. A custom-made, bezel-headed dildo is part of my collection. That will make him stronger!

12:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stock footage, meet client supplied product shot, meet borrowed quote: least creative ad ever produced.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For 10K+ it should not destroy me, but provide me with a massage.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the model in the ad is thinking about how horribly pretentious it is to quote Nietzsche, and wishing he were in an ad for a watch endorsed by, I don't know, Buster Keaton or something.

Or maybe he is trying to figure out how to spell Nietzsche.

4:20 PM  
Blogger T.A.N. said...

that's how Neechee would look if he shaved and became a metrosexual.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All these slit eyed guys have 20/200 vision and are far more in need of glasses than a watch.

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was it me, mtlb, or is that shot of the Nazi dolls in the box friggin' hilarious? They look so serious...as if they've got ethnic cleansing to get to. Such an odd thing to collect.

10:37 PM  
Blogger RFB said...

Black shirt, slicked hair, 5 o'clock shadow, Frank Loyd Wright house that doubles as a bomb shelter, and scanning the perimeter with the practiced eye of a Columbian drug lord trained in counter-surveillance against Special Forces operatives, I know about destruction - and I know pain. But whatever doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. It was a guy the Nazis liked that said that, I think.

My Zenith is my friend. It has never betrayed me. Never been found in bed with one of my lieutenants and then had to be killed (both of them.) Never stole money from me. Won't smoke all my stuff and drink all my wine. It is, fittingly, a very handsome watch, and the little Dallas Cowboys stars around the face remind me to call my bookie.

A good friend will make you stronger. Stronger to live another day and fight the enemy. Stronger to muster up the humility to thank Consuela for making that dry cleaners run to pick up this week's batch of black shirts. (Remind Consuela to grab me some Ray Bans. Squinting is causing wrinkles - and though I could snag any woman I set my eye on, I don't like them looking better than me.) Stronger to do what I have to do to rise to the top, make that cash, and keep buying expensive things that make me stronger.

Oh, and it's from Switzerland. Did you know the Swiss were like the only country not to be conquered by the Nazis? That's pretty strong. Ya gotta respect that.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The watch face looks like its smiling.

8:34 PM  

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