Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Be the Balvenie Weenie®'s wingman.

The Weenie hasn't been laid since his nearly-empty bottle of 15-year-old Balvenie scotch was just barley germinating on the malting floor. His previous pickup attempts of this same local alcoholic blond all ended with the mouthless douche home alone in the dark, jerking off into old handkerchiefs while viewing secretary porn on the Internet. Anyway, to the present. Ivana Balvenie? Jesus Christ. Help him out, please. If you were the Weenie's wingman, what similarly idiotic (or foolproof?) line would you whisper into his stubby little ear?
For the previous 10 Balvenie Weenie® posts, start here.


Blogger Bud Caddell said...

Go Balvenie deep.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Non Smoking Smoker said...

"Dude...your right that dog shit?"


"Dude...I know you like mature porn but c'mon...she's propping her tits up with her forearms!!"

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"My mouth is located right above my penis"

5:50 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

In a perfect world, my wife woudn't have a mouth either.

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Madam - an you help me pour this into my asshole? It's my sole orifice.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"She wants it. Look at her feet, 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. Just don't mention the trust fund."

12:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Are you sure you're not a cop?"

2:31 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

"Seize up and die."

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, huh huh. You said 'ball'

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You got a pretty mouth.

Hell. You've got a mouth.

2:16 PM  

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