Monday, October 29, 2007


Down in the town of Wichita Falls, Texas sits the above billboard from the local Trinity church. Question: Why do church ads always stress the bad instead of highlighting the good stuff—like everlasting life, Joy of God's kingdom, etc.? Most of the ads either compare me to Satan (above) or unceremoniously point out the bleakness of my mortal existence. And really, how dare they put such bland words in Beelzebub's mouth. My goodness, the billboards Old Bendy could post in response to this one:
I Hate Life –God; I Hate Women –God; I Hate My Son –God; etc.
(I'm sure you've got a few. Leave them in the comments.)
(big thanks to Karen Grundy for the pic!)
previously in Heaven & Hell:
1. Jesus Jeans.
2. RIP Hilly Kristal.
3. The Pope's Cologne.
4. Playing With God's Balls.
5. The Blackwater X-Mas tree ornament.
6. Saint Francis/Lazarus/Roch of Broadway.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Lordy, got to love those small Texas towns...

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate logic
- Christians

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate history

1:31 PM  
Blogger Middle Name: Stanley said...

Finally! Someone else who hates church as much as I do. Hey, do you have Satan's number? A last name maybe? MySpace page?

1:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I hate blowjobs

2:21 PM  
Blogger ricpic said...

The whole premise of your pitch is wrong. And you probably know it. Countless times I've seen billboards of the God Loves You or Jesus Loves You variety. You wanna be a nonbeliever? Go ahead. But don't set up an easy target straw man.

2:58 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

"GOd/Jesus Loves Me" isn't a reason to buy.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't be hasty. I wanted 33 years to abort my unwanted child.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Nik Daum said...

I use an ugly handwritten font.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Cause sin sells, baby.

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

9am CLASSIC worship, 11am CONTEMPORARY worship--Copyranter, the website offers a smorgasbord of adspeak meatballs:
"intentional hospitality" (see the "our values" link)
"functional structures", "need-oriented evangelism" (our vision)
trunk or treat tailgate party, ignited 4 christ, "prayer in the sahara"
Yes there's more to Trinity WTF than Jesus Loves You.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Christopher Hitchens
- Satan

5:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Church - Jesus

9:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We'll scare the belief right into you.
- Church

Why feel guilty about a few things when you can go to church and feel guilty about everything?
- Church

I'm St. Lucifer, idiots. You don't think God planned it that way? Idiots.

- Satan

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Going out of business sale--little boys pants, half-off! See one of God's Channel Sales Reps today!

6:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess it's less controversial than their first version "I Hate Jews and Gays - God"

Why are "Hate" and "Church" capitalized, anyway?

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Hate Wool

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hold control over the minds of billions of impressionable and foolish humans.


12:51 AM  
Blogger B8ovin said...

I don't like Sundays- Satan

What book?- God

We hold the minds of billions of impressionable and foolish humans - Benny Hinn, Oral Roberts, The Pope, Pat mean..uh..I mean God.

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My followers are terrifying.

4:53 AM  
Anonymous geola said...

Actually I LOVE Church. Come join me. Any denomination will do. Just join and I'll tell you what to do next.


12:40 PM  

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