Wednesday, April 12, 2006

ABSOLUT KRAP.

Absolut's advertising hasn't been even mildly interesting for years—the Swedish vodka seriously needs a fresh execution (I'll do it for a one-time fee of one million dollars, V&S Vin & Sprit AB. Hello?). But; this ad took the campaign from Blandsville to Shitburgh. It is trying so so so so so so so hard to be cool. So hard, it makes me physically ill.
Yeah, snake that guitar cord. More snaking! Let's try a couple of different thicknesses on the cord. Is that enough jewelry and piercings? Let's shoot him in 10 different dark shades of wifebeater and 6 different tightnesses. Also, 1, 2 and 3 days beard-growth. We'll do aviators, wrap-arounds, mirror lens. Make sure those tats are hot-lit!!!
Total cost of 2-week photo shoot: $13,687,239.57

20 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

And what amp takes a cord plug that size (with the possibly exception of Courtney Love)?

11:30 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

well anon, the bottle image had to be big enough to satisfy the itchy client, logic be danmed. Plus it implies Lenny has a big dick. a big, supercool dick.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous word pimp said...

In 1994, I saw the Len-ster cooling it down a street in NOLA.
He was "in character" with two blondes and 3 pit bulls on a leash for full effect. THe blondes, too, may have been on a leash. His poseur-ness still lingers there, outsmelling the decomposing bodies post-Katrina.

12:15 PM  
Anonymous narnia said...

Lets bring the account people and the creatives, and the planners and the jr copy writer and everyone. We need a thousand meetings to discuss this stupid ad thats going to run in 20 stupid magazines over the course of one month. lets make sure we create a big enough estimate because i sure as hell ain't getting out of bed for breakfast -- not for TWO WEEKS.

12:46 PM  
Blogger ohoney said...

Ab is battery acid vodka
bring back the bottle image
or get the heck out

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Ben Popken said...

Kravitz suxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

4:27 PM  
Blogger francophony said...

you should hear the 11 remixes of lenny's craptastic song "breathe," featured on the ABSOLUT KRAVITZ cd. i've got a copy here on my desk, leftover from an absolut event i attended; having a hard time choosing between the jazzanova and latinsizer versions.

5:52 PM  
Anonymous shadow said...

Nice way to crop his head. Since, he doesn't have his fro no mo'...who cares.


as for the bottle image big enough to satisfy the itchy client...

what's next...sponsoring "happy hours" in the Lower east side and williamsburg along with Sparks?

6:14 PM  
Blogger francophony said...

in my experience, shadow, sponsored happy hours (which are, in fact, already taking place in the LES and, more than likely, billyburg) are popular with everone from hipsters to neomaxizoomdweebies, no matter what the neighborhood. even the achingly fab have a hard time turning down a free cocktail, judging by the crushing lines at sponsored events i see all over town.

6:54 PM  
Blogger Rikki said...

All i can think of is my poor little ads that attempt to have an indea in them but cant even get $500 for a stock photo :(
Dumb..

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Johnson said...

Jimi Hendrix - talent and charisma + shitty lyrics = Lenny Kravitz

9:35 PM  
Anonymous copy*uck** said...

Pls, pls. Never write the names Hendrix and Kravitz in a single line.

11:11 PM  
Blogger Ken said...

That's a guitar cord, a guitar chord would be G minor for example.

12:29 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

(sheepishly) thank you ken. I've corrected it.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Sher-bert of Azkazanistan said...

The cord of this man made the sex into Denise Huxtable. This man makes a jealous me. I make many sexes with many womens in disco bathroom floor but never with Cosby kids.

Okay, okay. You have me. I did make the sex to a German hooker with looks of Theo once, but I didn't like it.

Okay, okay. Again you have me. I did like it -- but, I failed to cum.

Okay, okay. Cummmed twice and loved it. Makes you happy now? Sheeshus.

2:26 AM  
Blogger Working Class Dan said...

The Adshels (aka bus shelter posters) that simply say Absolut Kravitz, have given me the impression that Kravitz is a Jewish swear word. Now, not being familiar with many Jews, I could be mistaken but I've now taken to using the terms absolute kravitz to mean something that is broken, crappy etc...

1:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Narnia - I had the misfortune to work on this project and that's EXACTLY what happended.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i was working with rob thomas on his solo record, dude smokes a lot of cheeb from the cartoon network, think that's been shut down though. in the middle of one deep cheeb sesh he asks me what it would be like for lenny to have his tv remote die and have to stand up and walk over to the tv, rob then proceeded to act this out and it killed me, the guy must always be on, even by himself.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All the cheese in the world couldn't/wouldn't prevent me from eating Lenny's ass corn...assuming he'd let me. He could be shilling for Tampons and it wouldn't take away from his fuckability one bit!

8:31 AM  
Anonymous P-Money said...

Was that Rob Thomas the Musician or Rob Thomas the writer? You and your damn civil disobedience!

10:06 AM  

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