Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Jane's Addictions don't include Jane Magazine.

What to do when your ad pages are down 41%? You try to sell advertisers the perception that your dwindling readership will buy their products by the fucking truckload. She abhors her ass; she owns 1,000 pairs of jeans. She doesn't like to drive; she owns 10 cars. She hates hangovers; she drinks a bottle of Pinot a night. (click image) Good thing the lead article on the mag is "The easiest $800 you'll ever make"

previous Jane posts:
1. I am Woman. Hear me Blubber.
2. Jane readership now includes the lucrative 7-9 year-old female demographic group.
3. Jane calls the pose "Downward Facing Slutdog"
4. "Jane, you ignorant slut!"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

she is slightly cross-eyed?

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd fuck her feet.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She respects her body; she charges $800 an hour.

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She hates her mother. She acts just like her.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She hates her job. She works sixty hours a week.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She beats her kids. She buys them toys every payday.

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She loves kids. She's had three abortions.

(This is a do-over for my "She beats her kids..." post. I imagine the targeted Jane demographic doesn't have kids, they just want to act like them. But the consumerisim of "buys toys every payday" fits your original post, CR. Can't say the same about abortions. I should leave it to the pros.)

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how you've failed mentioning this contest is beyond me...I nominate TAN, second runner up the Belveweenie.


1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's Meredith Brooks, she's Terri Nunn.


2:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She hates her shrink. She keeps trying to screw him.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Easiest $800 I ever made? Eight guys. Eight hairy ass sweaty guys. But I got through it. I got through it thinking of you, of you and your Blahniks, Manolo.

7:47 PM  

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