Monday, February 19, 2007

Win a LIVE GREASY wristband!

Today, I will be wearing my bacon wristband in honor of the Chinese year of the Pig—specifically the Female Fire Pig—which began yesterday. Some famous Pigs include Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hilary Rodham Clinton, Flavor Flav, Snoop Dogg, Morrissey, Sasha Baron Cohen, + Johnny Knoxville.
I have also purchased four additional bacon wristbands. I will give them away to the four people who, either through comments or email, best explain why they deserve one of these sizzling, attractive items. Show all those smug Live Strongers what's really important in life—eating pig ass.
UPDATE: The contest ends today, Tuesday February 20th, at midnight.
UPDATE #2: This is, in fact, a real contest. You people writing in anonymously obviously can't win because, A) I can't contact you, and B) You can't prove you wrote the comment.
UPDATE #3: Contest is over. I will notify the winners and post about it by Friday afternoon.
previously in stupid posts:
1. The Tattoo Sleeve.
2. Film at 11.
3. Have you ever seen a fat mummy?
4. I think, therefore I am stupid.


Blogger PWarren said...

I so very much deserve one of these because I drive way to fast worry about my cholesterol.

Hurry! I'll be driving home soon.

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I don't believe that killing pigs is murder.

Well, not often anyway:

11:29 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I deserve this bracelet because the cookbook, "White Trash Cooking" (EM Mickler) is my bible....

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I win, I will give it to my dog who will promptly chew the shit out of it.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think all of us have been affected and/or touched by Bacon in one way or another throughout our lives. If not directly, it was our mothers, or aunts. Or maybe a father or grandfather figure who ate it later on in life, when they least expected it. I deserve this wristband because I want to show my cholesterolish support for all the brave Bacon survivors out there, just doing their thing by living another day, pig ass fat be damned.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I'd fuck the fire pig. Doggy style. So fucking hard its snout would be buried in the turf as if it were rooting for truffles. SOOIE!

12:41 PM  
Blogger PWarren said...

Because I want to go Wii Wii Wii all the way home -

12:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

The bacon band just drives home the point to everyone around you that the pig is, in fact, God's most delicious animal. Plus it doubles as a great conversation starter at PETA events. Since I'm typically "that guy" I think I could put one to good use.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

When I was a vegetarian in the '80's, I worked for a company that made tempeh (soy), and I created a brand name for a product, "Fakin Bacon". I created a monster. I deserve to wear this bracelet as my reminder (or punishment) that there is no substitute for bacon, for that little ham scam. I'm a reformed Organic Crunchy.

~ Marj

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marj, I think you should have to wear an electronic bacon bracelet for that crime against humanity.

1:56 PM  
Blogger mike said...

1. Because I'm that guy that everyone always asks, "Want my fat?" whenever we're eating steak (or any kind of fatty meat.) Some people don't even ask, they just deliver the delicious trimmings to my plate automatically.

2. BLT is my favorite food. I am a BLT connoisseur. And a purist. NO AVOCADO!

3. I'm also a pig. (The Hilary kind, not the Bill kind.)

4. "Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."

1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wakee, wakee; eggs and bacee.

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I deserve it because I got my jewish vegetarian roomate to try bacon and he is still vegetarian....except for bacon 10 years later

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I should sport one of these because I want to profess my prosciutto and pancetta eating ways to those in the non-cruciferous world of eating.

6:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...


LMAO. That was in Greenfield, MA. You're right, I should war an electronic bacon bracelet, but for now, the bacon bracelet copyrant is offering, like swine to the slaughter, is what I need to wear.

8:16 PM  
Blogger andrei said...

I swear i'll puke my brains out as soon as i see it.

Might even fill-up the little FedEx box you send it in.

And, hopefully, i'll start a vomit chain that begins with my roommate and ends with the dog. Mallomars and Purina Premium everywhere.

But that's out of my hands...puking in the box i have complete control of.

What's in it for you?

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

VERY disappointed in the anon crowd today. Not one said they would use it as a cock ring and fuck the Balvenie guy until his entire face was gone.

What the hell is this blog coming to?

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because my homemade version, made out of real bacon, is getting all pungent...and eaten.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I should get this bracelet as I decoded it. Spelled backwards, its "NOCAB".

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ate bacon today.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Malformed Pig Foetus

and that my friend is why...

4:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't deserve one, but my boyfriend certainly does. I'm a vegetarian and he certainly is not, but the poor man has drastically cut down on bacon since we started dating 6 months ago. If he can't eat it whenever he wants to, at least let him wear it.

8:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Give me one of those mother fucking bracelets CR.

9:57 AM  
Blogger Fleepy said...

Because everything that was going disastrously wrong until this weekend miraculously sorted itself out.. And I'm attributing it all to the start of the Year of the Pig, evidently a power year for me!

So give me that sweet, greasy icon to worship until February 2008. It’ll be my cross, except more circular. And my communion shall be Sunday bacon. Mmmm.

10:22 AM  
Blogger brendan bilko said...

because bacon is my favorite vegetable.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

re vegetarians and bacon:
bacon is the gateway meat.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Jeff Scott said...

MMmmmmm BACON! It's my birthday and the only thing that could make it better is BACON!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Sleemo said...

my father was a piece of bacon.

this would be the perfect memorial to him.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

because when i was at the bodies exhibit looking at the preserved flesh, i exclaimed that i had a hankering for bacon; my sister shuddered like marge simpson

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I love bacon. I had an entire bar in Waikiki a few summers ago changing "We love bacon" to my calls of who loves bacon. I also take pride in wearing my I love bacon t-shirt to a local vegetarian restuarant.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

It would be great to have this bracelet to match the bacon wallet I bought at "", the site that also sells tattoo sleeves.

I could also wear the Bacon bracelet at my job at Chick Fil A. The cows won't mind.

12:19 PM  
Blogger still life angie said...

i believe i should receive the bacon bracelet because 1. or a. my happy place is lined with bacon. hell, my happy place IS bacon. 2. or b. also, because i believe that bacon should not be considered a meat, but rather a condiment. there is not one food that is not enhanced with the addition of bacon. NOT ONE. ice cream. uh, better. oatmeal. BETTER. burger. BETTER. any. food. possible. BETTER.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I think that people who don't love bacon wear pajamas to bed, and also during lovemaking.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Bacon is the only steroid I need to win the Tour de France.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I deserve one because my cholestorol is so fucking high from eating 3 meals a day of barbecue, that I sweat 100% pure pork fat.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will fellate you for a wristband.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Because I have been on a lifelong campaign to promote bacon, which includes yelling at people in open tour buses and outdoor restaurants to "Eat Bacon!" In college my friends and I organized a "National Bacon Week," during which we fried bacon on a hot plate to distribute in the dining hall. In one class that was often held off-campus, we would bring bacon to pass out to all the students. Finally, I created a mock Bacon Institute while living in DC, and held fake/satirical petition drives on the National Mall to get people to support more bacon in school lunches nationwide.

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It'll protect me from the Jews.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I make a mean bacon martini,
my bacon ice cream is bliss...
my BLT features four different kinds of bacon and i'm working on a bacon hershey's kiss

5:49 PM  
Blogger Lia said...

It would look so snazzy with my cute, overpriced capri pants. Just look!:

5:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

and p.s.
the first time I ever felt motivated to comment on your site my only remark was, "Mmmm bacon."
and while that isn't totally remarkable on it's own, in conjunction with my comment (above), you have yourself an obvious winner.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

Because I'm a jew that keeps semi-kosher (no swine) born in the year of the metal pig.

it's gonna be a great fucking year - pig on pig!


7:07 PM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

And, oh, because I am following the tradition of being nice from the Chinese New Year and fifteen days to the new moon.

It's gonna freakin' kill me.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I know how to say "Bacon" in sign language.

Also, a Mother Goose rhyme for you:

"Bat, Bat, come under my hat
And I'll give you a slice of BACON,
And when I bake,
I'll give you a cake,
If I am not mistaken."

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok. a freakin' retarded tylenol commercial just threw me off my plotting for the bacon wristband. The tagline was "Stop. Think." I'm going to go eat a blt to kill the pain. Rrrrrr, condescending liver damaging bastards.

9:58 PM  
Blogger David said...

Take the letters in the word "Bacon," and rearrange them.

Lose the comma.

C-O-B-A-N. Breathe deep. Ask yourself, who is this consciousness, visualizing and rearranging these letters?

It is I. Throw the I in the mix.

C-O-B-A-I-N. In honor of Kurt's 40th birthday, throw on some flannel, play guitar left handed, and put on a bacon wristband.

Just make sure your wristband is worn MTLB style, and utilized in such an idiom.

2:56 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Contest is over. I will notify the winners by Friday afternoon.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Please hurry, before one of us goes into cardiac arrest eating all this bacon!

9:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper."

-Sir Francis Bacon

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know I am a little late on this..but I have a blog all about PORK -

Eat it or wear it pork is wear it is!



5:12 PM  

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