Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Phew! York

Fragrance seller Bond #9 has announced the next round of perfumes to be added to their popular Making Scents (GET IT?) Of New York line (kinda like neighborhoodies for your nose), which already includes Wall Street, NoHo, and Chinatown (pictured):

Union Square—overpowering fresh produce with a middle note of un-deodorized protester.
Astor Place—pure bittersweet disaffectedness.
West Side Story—top notes of baby shit with a base of unwashed sweatpants.
Fire Island—(I really don’t have to say it, do I?)
Sutton Place—old money and death.

(
If you live in NYC, what would your neighborhood scent smell like?)

17 Comments:

Anonymous Bowling with No Panties said...

Alphabet City-- base notes of rotting garbage and sofrito with full tones of psuedo punk rocker fitlhy jeans bought by their Daddies mixed with stale beer and pretentious nouveau cuisine.

8:42 AM  
Blogger spinachdip said...

Mine would be a blend of two scents, Chinatown and Lower East Side - a rich mix of hipster extracts, independently brewed coffee and i-banker vomit.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spanish Harlem - residual gun smoke mixed with the not-at-all greasy smell of refried beans, and occasionally a waft of spilt beer drifting up from the fratty parts of the UES.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Newark - Balvenie scotch, Continental Airline peanuts and the fresh-cut grass of Branch Brook Park.

10:21 AM  
Blogger threetoedsloth said...

Bushwick: dog poop, cat poop, human poop, with a top note of industrial magic, and just a soupcon of pee in a Tropical Fantasy bottle!

11:37 AM  
Anonymous shadow said...

Williamsburg-
Base of Infused B.O. from a packed L train.
Notes of latino rotisserie chicken grease with several sweat drops of chinese delivery guy on a bike.
Top notes of stale, warm PBR.

Bottled in a non-specific soy milk see thru container with shaggy vegan rocker hair deposit at the bottom. (or floating when shaken)

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm being a bit literal, but doesn't every neighborhood have a base note of urine and rotting garbage?

12:30 PM  
Blogger Restless Man said...

The smell of Riverside Harlem - the reason why I walk faster than an average newyorker.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

SoPaBeBarNo (the Sort of Parallelogram Between Barnes & Nobleses) - No matter which way you walk, the smell of mega-bookstore. Once inside, the faint odor of hipsterness at the Curious, Odd and Cool table. The aroma of middle-aged moms by the stack of A Million Little Pieces. A whiff of wonder by the sudoku rack. The scent of female cashiers by the female cashier.

3:11 PM  
Blogger the sightspeed guy said...

Berkeley - heady smell of Telegraph Ave adolescent spare-changers in sidewalk & JD-vomit North Face jacket bought by daddy for last year's snowboard season, with overpowering notes of armpit funk of 50-year old pony-tail peace activist lamenting how conservative the younger generation is compared to "when protests really mattered." Aftersmell of North Shattuck baby poo and yarmulke undersides.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poppers and babystrollers

5:10 PM  
Blogger francophony said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:47 PM  
Blogger francophony said...

14th St East Heady combination of college coed (nictone, Red Bull and mom's fabric softener) and methadone addict (cheaper nicotine, incense and day-old socks), with a top note of Trader Joe's (exotic frozen foods and the sweat of hype-brainwashed throngs).

8:55 PM  
Blogger Krissythegroupie said...

Clinton Hill: A distinct aroma of crazy Pratt kids, which is a spicy mix of bad pot, Steel Reserve, and paint thinner. Yum!

9:40 AM  
Blogger Land of the Bat said...

A mixture of sun-baked rubber baby stroller tires, croque madame, and unwashed bedhead hair. (Boerum Hill)

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brooklyn Heights: Smells like fear.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Sandar said...

"Brooklyn Heights: Smells like fear." Sounds like a good name + tagline for a movie.

1:17 AM  

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