The Shell game.
(click image to read copy)
"Our smoke stacks emit flowers, our mouths—fertilizer."
Cutesy colorful artwork is definitely in fashion these days with Earth's pals, Big Oil. Check out bp's cutesy-wootsey logo lockup. Also hot: cutesy names for flaccid alternative energy programs. bp has alternativenergy™ (shared "e" = cutesy) and Shell has Energise™ (combo of "energy" and "wise" = cutesy), while Exxon's is not so cutesy—Global Energy Management System (too busy counting money to be bothered with a cutesy name.).
Anyway, to the above balderdash. The first line of the copy reads: "If only we had a magic trash can that we could throw stuff in and make it disappear forever." Why is Shell talking to Wall Street Journal readers like they're first-graders? Copy continues: "What we can do is find creative ways to recycle. Greenhouses use our waste CO2 to grow flowers (Ohhhh, that explains the grossly misleading illustration.). And our waste sulphur to make super-strong (super!) concrete. Real energy solutions for the real world."
Big Oil companies spend a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a (you get the idea) of their yearly revenue on alt energy initiatives. Which is in stark contrast to the large portion of their ad budgets that goes to promoting them.
With gas prices in the US heading towards $4 a gallon this Summer, you can bet Shell etc. are in a big-ass hurry to deliver "real" alternative energy solutions.
previously in specious corporate ads:
1. The Good Hands, Bad Taste People.
2. 3rd ad of campaign: Fo Shizzle My Nizzle.
3. "Trees are pretty. Let's use trees."
4. Vis-a-vis BULLSHIT.
posted by copyranter @ 2:30 PM
6 Comments:
There's also those animated singing babies from the BP commercials every time I turn the TV on. The more expensive the gas, the more they advertise. Agencies rejoice.
They're not even talking about alternative energy initiatives. All they're saying is that they've found ways to convert their waste to useful stuff and squeeze some extra profit out of it. What's so awful? Doesn't affect the price of gas, which, by the way, is a whole lot more complex than pundits would have us believe. But if you've gotta hate 'em, hate 'em. Don't hate the enviro-whackos who mandate so many local niche grades of gas that there's no way to keep the price down.
I do not side with enviro-wackos, either. But the fact is, these companies spend a lot of money promoting programs that they seriously have very little to no interest in actually implementing. It's purely PR bullshit.
Good gravy! Did you read that Energise deck? "Energise
delivers monetised sustainable added
value." There is no way that was written with a straight face. Then again, perhaps it wasn't even written by a human being.
Global Energy Management Strategy = GEMS. Those little rascals at Exxon came up with the cutesiest name of them all.
I hear they were going to name it the Validate And Live Deep Environmental Zeal, but VALDEZ didn't play well with focus groups.
Not to mention the ad's a ripoff of IBM's already-been-lamely done "What makes you special?" ads (tv, print). It'd be nice to see flowers coming out of someone's ass for a change.
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