Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Worse than confusing.

enviga. Named after the Greek God of Hooey. Joint marketers Coca-Cola and Nestlé are already facing their first lawsuit from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. Even Coke's own guarded claim—that you have to drink 3 FUCKING CANS just to burn 60-100 MEASLY CALORIES—is more than likely Bullshit. The crap is not yet available nationwide, but here in Manhattan, it seems like every subway station is plastered with these posters (photo taken at the Broadway/Lafayette stop.). Drink up, early adopters.
previously in stupid new-age beverages:
1. Anthropomorphism to the power of Retarded.
2. Perrier. Shittier.
3. DEAD BULL: Victorious Matador.
4. 50's packin'. Nutrients.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Things that burn more than 60 calories:
a) going to the gym for 15 minutes
b) going to the gym for 5 minutes, leaving and going back for 5 more minutes.
c) going to the gym, forgetting your ID, going home, getting your ID and going to the gym for 5 minutes.
Any wonder why we're the fattest country on the planet?

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Less than nothing isn't a bad line; but, Better than anything, is totally lame. Anything is the culprit. Totally without zing. Unhitches the second line from the first line. Who pays these guys?

Less than nothing.
More than nothing.

Less than nothing.
More than most things.

Less than nothing.
Better than samething.

Less than nothing.
Better than most anything.

Less than nothing.
Betters the nothing.

Less than nothing.
Better than ding-a-ling.

At least the couplets above, with or without relavence to the ad, relate the second line to the first line. Is that so hard to do? Boy O Boy, are ad people ever overpaid!

Goin' south. Seeya next month.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Worse than confusing. Classic.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Matt Brand said...

nice design on the cans tho

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice new phallic profile pic you got there mister.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why the new photo i.d.? this one gives it all away. at least the previous allowed for HOPE...that you had room in your heart/life for kindnes, neglect (back turned)...or at the very least, a morning stretch routine. but this new image says all you have time for is telling the world, "FUCK YOU!" I liked you better when you pretended to play nice...with a select few.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To all those who question CR's new pic I say, "FUCK YOU, DOUCHEBAG!" .

Don't like it? Start your own blog you fuckin' mope.

11:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Make the can out of heavier tin so more calories burnt holdng it.
I'd buy it, I'm stupid.

12:31 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

I will continue to play nice with a select few in the comments, CS. I just wanted the pic to match my avatar over at gawker.com—you know, "integrated branding," as those useless morons with marketing MBAs call it.

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, come on. People are complaining about the logo? Read the list of things copyranter hates, idiots. This is fitting, believe me.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Their tagline should've been:

Tastes like nothing
Worse than anything.

Ever try Envigra? It tastes like nothing and yet it tastes like shit. Genius!

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anon - wow. so original. and badass. almost thought it was copyranter himself posting. and "mope"? better coin that one right away.

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't agree with a lot of the things copyranter hates, but this one I couldn't agree more.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's very close to an American consumer manifesto:

Less than nothing.
Better than no thing.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Borat says: "Enviga -- iz anagram of vagine! Very niiice... how much?"

9:09 AM  

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