Monday, April 17, 2006

Taglines are DUMB, NYC Auto Show edition.




(In honor of this week's Auto Show at the Jacob Javits Center, I sifted through all the car slogans. Most of them are terrible, but these are my bottom 4)
• Moving Forward? I should hope so. You're a FUCKING car.
• Reach Higher? Do you think you could be any more generically meaningless?
• Born From Jets? Well, so are BMWs, Mitsubishis, etc. And, who gives a flying fuck? BMWs are also born from Gas Chambers (Bayerische Motoren Werke made them during WWII.) I don't envision that tidbit ever being used in their marketing materials.
• Grab Life By The Horns? Judging by Dodge's reliability record (Ram Tough my ass) you'll actually be grabbing your mechanic by the fucking neck. Often.

previously:

Taglines are DUMB, #3.
Taglines are DUMB, #2.
Taglines are DUMB, #1.

19 Comments:

Blogger What we need are more problems said...

This is no shit: I bought a Dodge on Thursday and today (Monday 4/17) I made my first call to the service department for a major vibration.

113 miles.

First I can get in? 4/25

So your observation about the Dodge tag line was particularly astute! Ass toot?

10:26 AM  
Blogger DC1974 said...

Saab owners give a flying fuck. That's why they get all excited about the ignition being in the middle of the seats. And all. And since BMW was basically rescued by Hungarian Jews after WWII (and whom took the company from making stodgy executive cars to making sports cars), I don't think BMW (other than their logo) looks to kindly on the whole WWII period.

11:49 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Ignition in the middle of the seats...yeah, that makes the car worth the extra $20,000. now, if it came with, you know, an actual jet engine and a coupla sidewinders standard...

12:19 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

Saab from Jets? Feh. BMW comes from Sopwith Camels baby. Their logo is based on a propeller.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Corey said...

He's right.

The only car company who was born from/of jet etchnology is SAAB. However, that really isn't telling the whole story.

The car doesn't rely upon jet technology or design whatsoever. The relationship is much more mundane - the designers of the car were all jet engineers.

The reality is this horrid tagline/slogan is the unfortunate byproduct of SAAB being Americanized by GM. Now theinside of the 97x looks like the Bravada.

4:40 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

uh oh. Jalopnik.com picked up my post. here come the gearheads...

4:48 PM  
Blogger topher said...

That's because the 9-7x is a Bravada.

The key in the middle of the seats is a safety thing...in accidents many people fuck their legs up from sliding forward and nailing their knee on the key and ignition.

However, it does make receiving road head slightly more dangerous.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Rikki said...

taglines should be the bane of everyone's existance. It's just an excercise in marketing wank. And don't get me started on those written in italics... cause i'm sure many people in the world know how i feel about italics :)
Thanks for my whole post link, i was so proud!
Unfortunately i think the faces are rejecting... i've amped up the drugs, but all we can do is wait.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Jumper Bailey said...

CR --

Now, obvious (and acknowledged in your profile description) is the fact that we like reading stupid stuff.

And taglines are dumb.

So when is this blog getting its own tagline?

Jumper
-- Born to get out of the womb.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Jumper Bailey said...

Oops.

In deference to rikki's observation, let's make that:

Jumper
-- Born to get out of the womb.

10:41 PM  
Blogger ThomP said...

DODGE-grab life by the horns... Slightly better than the only other suggestion- DODGE-No 'I' before the 'E'

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

It always struck me funny when those "Born from jets" comercials say "Saab was founded by 16 aircraft engineers, and their spirit lives on".

So it takes 16 aircraft engineers to build a stupid fucking car, eh? Wow. You'd think one or two of them could handle the job.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Rikki said...

DODGE...
spelled with an E, not a Y.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Corey said...

SAAB: Born from Jets. Grounded by GM.

DODGE: Inspired by Tonka.

Lincoln: Reach around.

Toyota: Scrap metal redux.

1:32 PM  
Anonymous makethelogobigger said...

Since we're droping tags, why not a few for the CR blog per jumper's suggestion:


– Why haven't you died yet, fucking anon pig bitch.

– Home of the pitch slap.

– STFU.


(First one may be a little too long, not really sure. But it's got moxie.)

10:25 PM  
Blogger HarryMFA said...

Toyota hasn't come up with a decent tag line in a long time. Remember the abysmal "Everyday"? Those tag lines are reason enough to deter me from buying those pieces of junk.

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A pedant writes...

I think you'll find the Sopwith Camel had relatively little to do with what Fritz was flying during WW1, being a British aeroplane.

Chin chin!

7:25 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

My personal favorite was a Mercury tagline from around 1994:

"Mercury. Dream of something better."

Cadillac? Volvo? Honda?

7:28 PM  

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