Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Axe wearers: get ready for Winter Plunderland.


(click ads) In these latest fairytale executions (by BBH London) from the Axe Effect marketing malarkey machine, girlie-smelling young British mooks can look forward to a season of spontaneous snow shags as long as they have an Axe (called Lynx in the UK) "bullet" handy. I wonder, if sprayed directly on your penis, if Axe also prevents cold weather shrinkage (images via)? Previous Axe Effect ads: makes Hillary Clinton want to fuck Obama; makes Venus wants to fuck Mars; makes lingerie model strip; makes a periodic table full of women want to fuck you.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Noah's 2012 Ark will be crammed with hot babes according to Axe.


Axe has a new fragrance (at least in Mexico) called Axe 2012, in recognition of the coming End Times. I'm guessing it smells like a mix of vomit, Windex, and death (that's the new 2012 olfactive note). New Noah soaks his bod in it, and promptly attracts two of every kind of (hot) woman—didn't see that coming. Why is everything on the ark made of wood? Hard-on imagery? And why is new smelly Noah even building an ark? We already know that hot angels are waiting to fuck dead Axe wearers.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Axe cures Premature Perspiration.


TV spot by Buenos Aires ad agency Ponce for new Axe Full Control that's only running in Argentina. Unilever's Axe/Lynx has of course unswervingly positioned itself, ad-wise, as the fragrance that aids males with the ebb and flow of two of their bodily fluids. Somehow, mooky manboys the world over have bought this bullshit. It's an amazing marketing story. Previous Axe/Lynx effect ads:
• it makes lingerie models strip.
• it makes Venus want to fuck Mars.
• it makes hot babes flock to your ark.
• it makes brainy babes want fuck you.
• it makes Hillary want to fuck Obama.
• it makes women shag you in the snow.
• it makes 116 students want to fuck you.
• it makes bikini models get in your pants.
• it makes women give you car blowjobs.
• it makes fallen angels want to fuck you.
• it makes female soccer fans take their shirts off.
• it makes 300 bikini babes want to shower with you.
• and it even cures hangovers.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Next stop on the AXE=WET PEEN World Ad Tour: Israel.


(click ad, via) Class of 1969? If you're 40+ years-old and wearing Axe, you're either a fucking fool or trying to fuck underage girls. Also: This is a really stupid layout that's reminiscent of Axe's scientifically incorrect periodic table ad via Colombia. By the Tel Aviv office of ad agency McCann Erickson. Previous stops on the AXE AD SEX TOUR: Spring Break USA. Capital Hill. England. Argentina. Uruguay. And outer space.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Axe teases, disappoints horny Uruguayan men.


(click image) Considering the drooling doofi demographic of Axe users, this had the potential to be a nice sleazy promo. The print ad is for Axe Day & Night fragrances. How it works is, you send a text message after 9pm, and then hold your mobile phone up to the ad to reveal the blonde's covered naughty bits. Except, not—she's wearing lingerie! How dick-softening to the desperate mooks who actually spent the time/money to attempt this (by Lowe Ginkgo in Montevideo, Uruguay, via). Previous Axe ads.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Axe's incorrect periodic table ad.


(click ad) This isn't the first time an Axe ad presented bad science, though at least they didn't show molecules fucking. The above table only contains 116 elements, so it's missing one. No, I'm not going to figure out which one—that would take my mind back to my horrific, winging-it C+ days of high school chemistry. I can't quite read all the names on this scan, but ad agency Lowe in Bogotá, Colombia got pretty creative with the U elements down there. So much homework put into such a stupid, dubious ad. And I get that you wanted the guy to be a geek, but Homer? (via) Previous unbelievable Axe ad: The Axe Effect makes Hillary vote for Obama.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Axe crams 300+ boobs into one shower.


Axe (Lynx in the UK) says they've set an "official world record" by fitting 151 women and one man into one beach shower. Yeah? Who the fuck cares? Ad agency: BBH London. If Axe/Lynx ads are your thing, here's a bunch of them.
Update: Not BBH. Read comments.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wear Axe, cheerleaders will rape you mid-dunk.


(via) Ad agency: BBH. The usual Axe hooey fantasy, though it's kinda nice how they set it up to look like a Nike commercial. In addition to cheerleader 3-somes, Axe has previously promised young smelly mooks: car blowjobs; hook-ups with hot fallen angels; and anal sex with the planet Venus.

Monday, March 28, 2011

AXE presents the BlowJob Towel.

(click image) Back in 2007, to promote their shower gel product in the United Arab Emirates, Axe gave gyms these ridiculous branded towels to hand out to their patrons. Well: if you wrapped the towel backwards, it actually became a Rimming Towel (or a Reach-around Towel). Speaking of which, those hands look pretty manly to me, just sayin'. Ad agency: Lowe Mena, UAE. Previously: the Axe Blowjob Commercial.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Did you ever see the AXE blowjob commercial?


(via) I hadn't seen it before. It's for Axe Fusion, the concept being that Man is a fusion of good and evil. Here's a second spot from the effort where a good Samaritan gives up his seat on the bus just so he can watch a woman's tits jiggle. Well, they're unsubtle. I don't know the agency, I'm not even sure of the country. But add them to the stupid smelly Axe = Sex pile.

Monday, January 31, 2011

AXE plays Dick-Tac-Toe.


(click ads, via) Just terrible. Xs and Os, GET it? Note with first ad: shouldn't the O be on top of the X, to reflect the "Axe Effect?" I'm tired of writing about Axe's stupid advertising. But this campaign is maybe the stupidest yet. Compare it to this one, this one, this one, and especially this one. Ad agency: Lowe Mena, Dubai.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Spray on Axe. F*ck fallen angels.


The worldwide Axe Prevarication Tour just landed in The Netherlands. And all you Dutch boys have to do is girlie-spray your bodies and penises heavily with Axe Excite, and even angels will fall hard (very hard) for you and cast aside their halos. A Victoria's Secret C&D letter tk. Here's eight previous stops on the smelly tour.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Axe "Smell My Finger"


The Axe Ad Sex Tour continues. I don't know the agency (update: BBH New York), I don't know where the spot is running, or if it is even running. But there it is, frat boys: one of your favorite high-fivin' dick-punching morning-after moments twisted into pure girlie innocence. How castrating. Btw dudes, in addition to getting you handjobs from hot chicks, Axe shampoo also washes away hangovers.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Bill's still a believer in the Hai Karate Impact.


(click ad for closer look)
Smells Like Teen Voters. Probable spec ad (update: no, it's a real ad. see comments.) by BBH New York for Axe, eau de teenage wannabe Mooks the world over. This is a primo example of the laziest, easiest type of ad concept—borrowed interest that has nothing to do with the product. Either that, or they're actually saying that Barack Obama wears Axe? But if that good-looking man wears any fragrance, I think it's probably Derek Jeter's 'Driven'. Yet another way to read this ad is that it's implying that hubby Bill's the one who wears Axe, the stench of which has driven Hill to not only quit her campaign, but pursue her sexy opponent amorously. Your two cents welcome. (there's also a McCain version) related: fake political buttons ad for Dems '08.
update: go to PollsBoutique to vote your opinion on the ad.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Axe now cures hangovers.

(click image)
No asterisk? No caveat? Not content with their claim that wearing their body spray will make women jump on your dick until it's raw, Axe seems determined to address every frat boy's every problem with one of their cheap ass-smelling products. What next? Axe memorization shampoo?

previously:
eau de ASS

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Lynx sponsors Panda fucking at Edinburgh Zoo.

(click)
As the breeding season nears, Lynx (Axe is the US) is hoping Tian Tian (the female) and Yang Guang do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
The super Pandas were loaned to the zoo for ten years by the Chinese. If they breed, it will be the first time a panda is born in the UK.
"It’s the perfect time to partner with Edinburgh Zoo and use our attraction know-how to help out with panda mating season," said Lynx spokesperson Kieran Danaher.
What "attraction know-how" will be provided by Lynx is unknown, but the animals will not be sprayed with their Vomit/Windex scent. Via stv.
Fourteen more Axe/Lynx ads here.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Axe now helps idiots fuck hot brainy chicks (video).


Bullshit. What helps a bored man stay awake? Speed, Meth, Coke, NoDoz. What doesn't? Shower gel. Does FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg know about this? Oh wait, the ad is via the UK. Ad agency: BBH, London. Previously, Axe claimed to cure hangovers. and premature perspiration.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The new Lynx interactive blowjob video (sfw).


Sorry to give away the surprise. Anyway, if you don't want to watch it all the way through to get to your interactive instructions, just start the video, click the progress bar, and then press the 5,7,3, and 8 keys, in that order. The effect is called "shortcut scrubbing." The responsible agency, Razorfish, says it's the first time it's ever been used in an ad. So, congratulate them.
It's not the first time a blowjob has been insinuated in an Axe/Lynx video: that would be this one via Latin America. For 12 more Axe/Lynx Effect ads, go here.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The dumbest, ugliest Axe ad yet.

(click ad, via) If you don't feel like clicking and trying to figure this ad out, it's a bunch of taxi phone numbers. Because, young man who's about to girlie spray your bod and balls with smelliness, you're going to have endless one night stands across the entire country of Israel. Taxi drivers will also be jockeying for position outside your fuck pad every night to drive your latest fuck home. Congrats, McCann Erickson, Tel Aviv: you've created the most hyperbolic, unbelievable Axe ad I've ever seen. And, that's saying something.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Axe Portugal website is a life-size topless lingerie model.


(via) Here's the site. She's "an actual size girl of 1,75m height, brown eyes and hair and 90 of bust," according to the awkwardly translated press note. Use your mouse to peruse her head to toe. Two tattoos. She is one more female misguided mooks will not stick their peens in, even if they spray them liberally with stinky Axe. You will also not fuck fallen angels, hot soccer fans, bikini model Lauren Budd, all 116 of these co-eds, the planet Venus, or Hillary Clinton.

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