Monday, June 26, 2006

The Balvenie Weenie Motto.

The mouthless Balvenie Weenie has established himself as the Worst Ad Icon ever. Here, Sir Douche has given us one of his incredibly stupid life credos. I think we must add to the stupidity:
• "...Bow tie pasta, bad. Bow tie, good."
• "...Jerking off to pics of 21-year-old women dressed as hedge fund managers in lieu of real sex which I haven't had with a non-hooker in my entire life...good."
• "...I am a fucking boring dick."
Please, add your own in the comments.
Balvenie Weenie, Cinco de Mayo edition.
The Balvenie Weenie.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being shorter than the bottle. Bad.
Having a bottle of scotch bigger than you.Good.

Doing irritating stupid pseudo high-class ads. Bad.
Constantly annoying copyranter. very good.

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This ad is perfect!

The type of douche bags that drink Balvenie are the exact same people that would find this crap funny.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Based on the previous weenie ads, it seems obvious that the gentleman has no mouth. I can only deduce, then, that it's the glass of Balvenie doing the talking, which makes me question your criticism. With an alcohol level several hundred times the legal limit, it's a wonder the tumbler can manage a slightly-better-than-Frankenstein verbal spew, much less a coherent "motto." I'm kinda impressed.

2:06 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

the whole bad/good thing ISN'T EVEN A MOTTO. mottos are simple phrases that command, remind, inspire. phrases like do unto others as you would have done unto you. eggs today are better than chickens tomorrow. ah well, adversus solem ne loquitor.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drinking scotch with your mouth, bad.
Standing around like a mouthless Tucker Carlson look-alike, holding a $15 tumbler of "the" Balvenie, good.

4:16 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

bad or good, molto or motto, i'm sick of the mastercard sentence construction. this horse is dead and decomposing. copywriters around the world, unite! free us from the tyranny of the colon/comma cliche!

6:30 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

The Tyranny of the Colon. That's now going to be the working title of my script about the inner workings of this shitty biz.

6:40 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

the sequel: the tyranny of the %.
and that'd be 10. for me.

8:36 PM  
Blogger ninaberries said...

(ps, do you like how i worked the colon in?)

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The copy says what it says, but the graphic says:

I live my life by a simple motto,
which escapes me at the moment.

12:57 AM  
Blogger Scamp said...

Well, he's not an over-aggressive salesman, that's for sure.

He describes the product as "good".

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"jerking wood? good."
"PortWood? Moi bien!"

5:34 PM  

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