Fine, here's another Cannes 2011 winner that I like.

(click ad) The campaign won a Press Gold Lion (See the other two ads here. This is my favorite.) Ad agency: Ogilvy, Malaysia. But if you can't do good ads for something like Pictionary or Scrabble, then you need to give it up, and become a client ass juice-sucking account executive. Previously: Fine, here's one Cannes 2011 winner I like.

The butt sex metaphor Cannes 2011 Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Press Silver Lion winner by McCann Erickson, Italy. It's an OK idea, but I would have liked to have seen the idea pushed further (That's what she/he said!). Previously in: dirrrty lube ads. Previously in: Cannes 2011.

Cannes Lion spot-light: If Woody Allen was a confused gay snail.

For Sequoia, kind of a French Whole Foods. Ad agency: Marcel, Paris. This won a Film Craft Bronze Lion. Most land snails are hermaphrodites. I have nothing further to add. Go here for more Cannes 2011 Lion winners. update: Per request, I'll add two things. 1. This spot does not make me want to shop at Sequoia. 2. Bravo to the agency for selling it. Because that is the secret goal of every creative: do crazy work that barely nods in the general direction of the product.

Snickers takes credit for Mark Zuckerberg's success.

(click ad, via) Another Cannes 2011 winner that really isn't very good! The ad, by CLM BBDO France, just won an Outdoor Bronze Lion. I mean, the layout's kinda nice. But the idea—Mark, do you even eat Snickers? Talk to your lawyers, maybe you want to own Mars, Inc. I know, it's "creative license." Well the agency's license should be taken away. By the way, this is still by far the best Snickers ad I've ever seen.
Related: this Snickers shark focus group TV spot upset some people.

...and yet another wonderful Cannes Lego campaign.

(click images) These ads, via Malaysia just won an Outdoor Silver Lion. Ogilvy Malaysia hired some local Lego artists to create the posters that play off of the surrounding environment. Yes, they're actually made of Lego bricks. Pretty damn smart idea.
Other 2011 Lego Cannes winners include this imaginative Gold Lion ad via Russia and these inventive Silver Lion ads via Germany. Cannes needs to ban Lego ads from future festivals, because next year, every awards-starved agency in the world is going submit scam Lego ads looking for a piece of hardware.

Fine, here's one Cannes 2011 winner that I like.

It just won an Outdoor Gold Lion, which I predicted it would win back in April. Ad agency: Leo Burnett, Moscow. Related: More excellent Lego ads via Germany.

And, the most unappetizing Cannes 2011 Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Outdoor Silver Lion winner via Thailand. This is probably a cultural difference thing, but RETCH. Here in the West, this could easily double as a visual for a PETA ad—much like these Thai meat seasoning ads from 2008 which featured animal carcasses posed like Playboy Playmates. Ad agency: TBWA, Bangkok. Previously in: Creepy Thailand Ad Watch.

Here's your 2011 Cannes Press Grand Prix Lion winner.

(click ad, via) Meh. I repeat, MEH. It's for the Samsonite Cosmolite suitcase. Ad agency: JWT, Shanghai, China. It's China's first ever Grand Prix Lion. Yay. Well, It's at least better than the 2009 and 2010 Grand Prix winners. Related: this Korean Samsonite ad is maybe the dumbest ad ever.

Art Directors Gone Wild! F*cking bizarre luggage ads via Hong Kong.

(click ads, via)
Ha, what? I mean, they're cute and stuff, but I want to see proof that the American company approved these ads. Anybody know the identity of the mechanical hero, right (Optimus Prime, thanks)? Ad agency: JWT Hong Kong.
Previous Asian luggage ads: • 2011 Cannes Grand Prix winner, via China • Maybe the dumbest ad I've ever seen, via South Korea.

The 8 Worst Print Ads of 2011.

(click ads)
In no particular order, top to bottom, left to right:
1. Goodby Silverstein & Partners' Got Milk PMS campaign got absolutely nuked by women online. They pulled it almost immediately. See three more executions here.
2. Ogilvy Atlanta tried to get a nation to adopt a made-up ad word for Durex condoms. A nation said: Go fist yourself, Durex. Second print ad here.
3. Simply the dumbest Photoshopped ad I've ever seen, for a Portuguese bookseller. READING IS IRRIGATION FOR THE BRAIN.
4. Dull, Homophobic diagram sells the national drink of Brazil.
5. Cannes Lion-winning Kia ad with some clever pedophilia messaging. Kia America was forced to respond (their comment here).
6. No comment. Second ad in the campaign here.
7. Maybe the most iconic race protest photo in history is used to sell...toilet cleaning gloves.
8. Canadian hair salon playfully employs wife-beating imagery. Edgy.
Honorable Mention: this racist Nivea ad • this French eyeglasses ad that lamely mocked the Hells Angels • This Burger King print ad via Germany • and this "Snatch" gym ad.

And the most sexist 2011 Cannes Lion winner is...

(click ad, via) ...Kitadol menstrual relief pills. Because, yes, us men are WAR HEROES for—month-in, month-out—doing battle with the enemy: OTR women. Ad won a Press Silver Lion.  Ad agency: Prolam Y&R, Chile, who have a history of producing sexist ads for Kitadol (examples one, two, three). All four of these Kitadol ads, by the way, were created by all-male creative teams.

Are Ad Agencies Still Cool?

(Back in 2011, one of the largest ad agencies in the world flew this banner over the hordes at the Cannes ad festival. Note the spelling of "famously".)

Short answer: No. Long answer: FUCK No.

Today’s ad agencies are nothing like Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce in the 1960s. They’re not even like Crispin Porter + Bogusky in 2005.

If you’re a young creative, you’re not going to be Don Draper or Peggy Olson or even Stan Rizzo. You’re definitely not going to be Alex Bogusky.

You have no new truly original ideas in your portfolio. You’re lucky if you have even one mildly interesting idea amongst all the hackneyed, derivative dogshit. I know this: I’ve seen your portfolio. 100 fucking times.

Ad students have been sending me their portfolios—nearly daily, unsolicited—for 8 years, asking for advice. I never write them back.

This is my mass response.

If you want a “cool” ad agency creative department job, it’s there, waiting for you (at least at the big mega-merged bloated shops) if you happen to be one of those few young creatives with one (better, two) of those mildly interesting ideas in your portfolio. Because agencies these days are as desperate as a virgin male 2nd semester college senior.

Last fall, freelance designer Murat Mutlu wrote a 2,100 word article, republished to a wide audience on Creative Review, titled: "Why talented creatives are leaving your agency."

If you work at an ad agency, worked at an ad agency, or especially, if you're planning on working at an ad agency: read it. It is well worth your time.

This trend of good copywriters, art directors, and designers bolting or eschewing established ad agencies is not a new one. AdAge published a piece about it back in 2010. But, it is a trend that is gaining momentum, exponentially. Established creatives are heading to social start-ups and media websites. More and more brands are hiring these disgruntled creatives and bringing their ad work in-house.

Meanwhile, as Mutlu says:

"Agencies...are happy to keep trying to live in a world which is ceasing to exist. Clinging onto the same ideas, tools, and ways of working with CEOs who are either oblivious to the current mindset or too frightened to instigate change. It's the perfect storm of increasing entrepreneurialism, decreasing loyalty and an industry reveling in mediocrity."

Of course, all the creative directors at all of ad agencies of all sizes will still use the "C" (creative) and "I" (innovative) words in your interview. If you're a "hotshot" who they're hot to hire and you've got a good feeling about the place, tell them you'd like to freelance for a couple of months first. Facades are easy to erect.

Unless you have inside info, it’s hard to tell how “creative” an ad agency’s work environment is. One clue is to look at is the agency’s own self-promo stuff.

I've gathered together some recent agency self-promo and recruitment ads/videos/staff press photos—instances where ad agencies try to show the world just how fucking cool they really are.

Take a look, and see if these seem like the kind of places you'd like to spend working 10, 12 (or more, depending on the shop) hours a day.

The Ungar Group: "No Regrets"

Chicago's Ungar Group aired this spot, locally, during an April episode of last season's Mad Men.

Copy: "If you're looking for an advertising agency and don't meet with The Ungar Group. you will regret it for the rest of your lives."

Why is the man a zombie? I think they were trying to reference the Walking Dead (also on AMC). Why would you give your money to this ad agency? Because you're fucking brain dead. Back in 2007, Ungar created another cracking self-promo video where they threatened a kitten with a .357 Magnum.

SapientNitro "Idea Engineers"

SapientNitro has 37 offices worldwide, and is considered a "hot" "edgy" digital ad agency. What happened here with this auto-tuned "rap" song, I'm educatedly guessing, is one of the upper management guys desperately wanted to show off his guitar "skills".

"We're thinking not sinking..." Idea Engineers...

Planet Earth deserves to be destroyed by the Volgons because of this video.

DigitasLBi: "Inheritance"

This is the shop where every young "digital" creative wants to work. Their logo is a unicorn.

From the press note about the ad:

"...we're firm believers in practicing what we preach. And what we preach is that creating content that intrigues, engages and even entertains is a much better way of getting noticed than slavishly manufacturing marketing messages. We also believe in being brave (how quaint) and giving new things a try...Inheritance isn't about who we are, what we do or even what we think about the world. It is however meant to be so very us (what?)."

I'm disappointed they didn't slip "storytelling" in there somewhere.

Do you want your two minutes back? Write them, and ask them to get their magical fucking unicorn to make it happen.

How bout some print promo ads.

"JWT Brazil. 76 years (old), so what?"

(sigh)

TBWA Poland.

WHERE IDEAS ARE BORN. SEE, BECAUSE, A "LIGHT BULB" IS THE UNIVERSAL SYMBOL FOR "IDEA". Bloody brilliant.

Now, some staff press photos (click for closer looks).

Press photos from two firms considered "hot" and "creative". L—El Segundo's David & Goliath. GET IT? R—NYC's Sagmeister & Walsh. They're wearing space helmets because they're "explorers". They're naked because they're morons.

 

Both Philadelphia's Red Tettemer & Partners (L) and BBH NYC (R) go the hadouken route. WHO HAD IT FIRST?

(agency promo photos via Business Insider)

__________

In conclusion: stop sending me your portfolios, and drop out of ad school.

Tel Aviv office of Saatchi & Saatchi seeks ad creatives' solutions to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

(click images) "Rather than out of date policies, we need 'out of the box' solutions. The most inspiring solutions will be selected by a panel of Israeli Jews and Arabs from the BBR Group. The winner will receive a ticket to the 2011 Cannes Lions, and who knows, you may even win a Nobel Prize."
Yeah, who the fuck knows?!?!
Baumann Ber Rivnay, a Saatchi and Saatchi company located in the Ramat Gan section of Tel Aviv, wants your ideas, copy "writers" and "art" directors, on how to bring Israelis and Palestinians "closer together." It's "The Impossible Brief." But as Adidas taught us, Impossible Is Nothing.
This isn't the first time industry honchos, possibly after swigging 5 too many vodka martinis, have invited ad ideation thought leaders to help solve the conflict with their mad concepts. A panel at Advertising Week 2006 here in NYC seriously and hubristically discussed the same topic (sorry, can't find the link).
So "outside the box" ad creatives, send in your talking baby spots and word plays here. My idea? A soccer ball. Thanks to Anders Holm for the tip.

Today’s Tech Ads Are All Made By Men And Are All Terrible.

That Silicon Valley & Alley are both massively dick-heavy is not news—if you’ve ever been to a tech trade show, well, you know. Therefore, it makes sense that tech company ad agencies would put their best men on the job, and only men. How’s that working out? Take a look.

AT&T’s “Network Guys”

This newish campaign manages to insult both IT people and all the rest of us. That’s because the “guys” are both unfunny condescending assholes and complete fucking losers. “You wouldn’t understand what we’re doing, honey, just go post your cat photos, and hey, can I fuck your homely ass?” A second spot, set at a rock concert, is just as bad—“enjoy the show” (you unemployed fucking dumbass stoner loser).

“Rethink Possible” is AT&T’s current tagline. They should turn that slogan around to face themselves.

Ad agency: BBDO NYC. Creative team: seven men.

Norton: “Boldly Go”

“…The boldest email has yet to be opened. The boldest app has yet to be bought. The boldest file has yet to be downloaded…”

But the worst ever internet security commercial has now been written, so close your laptops, young ad scribes.

“Well guys, our ad bites, so let’s at least shoot in black & white to add bogus gravitas. And get some pretentious girl who sounds like she goes to Hogwarts to do the V/O.”

The creative team on this awful new spot by Grey San Francisco? Six men.

LG G Flex “the most human phone ever”

LG loved this creepy-ass ad so much, released earlier this year, that they’ve removed it from their official YouTube page. I’m all for super surreal shit, if the writing’s funny and I’m sold on the product. Yeah—no and no.

 

(What do you think Danny’s hand phone looks more like—a heavily bearded clam or a very hairy asshole? Also, logically, the mouth should be in the fingers, and the ear in the palm.)

I don’t have the credits for this spot, but you can bet all your shiny “gold” ad awards that the creative team was XY.

Toshiba “Field testing with Matt & Jamie”

Oh goodie: another unfunny pair of spokes-jerkoffs. The “field testing” concept is sometimes a good if unoriginal idea—at least I’ll maybe see some product benefits for my time. But again: the writing here is just epically bad. Fat macho Matt calls Toshiba’s tech people “dorks” and us “nerds.” He’s an ironic character. Maybe.

They made nine of these terrible field test spots. If you’d like to waste eight more minutes of your life like I did, you can watch the rest of them here. Their laptop fails a monster truck test and passes a jumper cables test that makes zero sense. Their tablet screen cracks when it’s thrown like a discus. Like Matt, these “tests” are “ironic,” irony being, ostensibly, a formula for humor.

The creative team? Three men.

Still, these ads are an improvement over their “get unstressed with Lucy” (and her exposed tits) Toshiba commercials from 2012 (all balls creative team, btw). Toshiba thinks they’ve scrubbed the Internet of all traces of this amazingly crass and sexist campaign. Sorry, guys.

Then, there are the endless Apple-bashing commercials of Samsung. Now I’m all for bashing Apple, but Samsung has no continuity, no Big Idea. It’s just a bunch of one-off reactionary spots that make the Korean company look childish, and much smaller and less important than they are.

And, of course, the creative teams on almost every Samsung tech spot you’ve seen—via Cheil & Partners (their worldwide agency), the UK’s CHI & Partners, and RG/A and 72andSunny in America—are all dudes. I’m not linking to all the spots, but you can look up the credits on Adfreak and Ads of the World.

The best tech ads from the last five years have been by Google. And many of Google's spots are created in-house, like this Cannes Lion-winning Google Instant ad from 2011.

The copywriter? Yes, a man. And a man wrote this playful campaign for Google Play, another favorite of mine. But Google has at least, occasionally, let women into the "ideation" process. Google is not a stupid company.

Besides the bro-culture, another problem with tech ads is that they’re made with one eye on Silicon Valley, one eye on NASDAQ, and one eye on the company's own fucking navel, which doesn’t leave very many eyes for the people who might be interested in buying their overpriced nonessential products. So what you end up with is tech companies figuratively rubbing one out on camera. Right Apple?

It wasn’t always this way. During the dot-com bubble of the late 1990s, tech advertising was wonderful. There was the inspiring Apple “Think Different” campaign; the hilarious Pets.com sock puppet commercials; and the brilliant Monster.com spots. The period was punctuated by the amazingly bombastic “we just wasted 2 million dollars” 2000 e-trade Super Bowl commercial.

I am flummoxed that the supposed best analytical minds in the world can’t make/approve better ads. But—just maybe, guys?—if more women were involved in creating and approving tech ads, the ads would be more creative and more effective and less masturbatory bullshit?

Tech CEOs? It's probably worth giving some female creatives a shot. Remember: Frankenstein's monster, one of history's most innovative high tech ideas, was created by a woman.